The Brockton Exodus

On the planet Mother, the average lifespan is 120 years. This story begins on Mother's Temperate Subcontinent, in the city of New Oro, on the campus of the archivists. There, while Motherling archivists observe Earthlings across the galaxy using special technology, something happens that threatens to upend the balance of power on their distant utopian world. Written by Mark Bailey.

Table of Contents

On a distant planet...

Baseline Outrage in Unfair Societies

There was a tassel bouncing back and forth on the teacher's hat. Benko fixated on that tassel until the day's lesson was over. Afterwards, falling into step with his friend Xera, Benko couldn't remember anything about the lesson. "I didn't understand the teacher," he said. "What was the message again?"

"Benko!" said Xera. "Did you even watch the scene he projected?"

"We watched it before," said Benko. "It was the one they use to talk about baseline outrage in unfair societies. I just didn't hear what he said about it."

"That indulging our outrage from time to time was healthy, but carrying it like a weight primes us to make bad choices," said Xera. "For example, I'm outraged that I had to tell you that. It was your responsibility to pay attention and you didn't. But I'll get over it by the time I get home. So it's okay."

Their houses were across the main path from one another. Xera lived with eight family members and had household responsibilities to see to. Benko was the last child to remain at home. His parents were older, and they ate together only once a week. Dropping his school supplies at home, Benko hopped on a neighborhood trolley, then boarded a fast trolley to the city center, headed for an edgy projection house called Thirst.

Thirst didn't have the nicest projection stage. Its bar had ups and downs and oro sap, but none of the fancier drinks. Known disreputable persons frequented the establishment. And yet, the place was always crowded, because the scenes projected on its stage were unlike anything being shown anywhere else.

Fetching a helping of oro sap from the bar, Benko found a seat and quickly became absorbed in the scene that was playing. It was a montage of scenes from different times and places strung together by software to tell a story. As the story's characters spoke, their words were translated and transmitted by radio for audience members like Benko to receive.

There was a man, beloved by many, who was killed. One of the killers was caught and punished while the other escaped, aided by influential men that were secretly involved. This killing was just a small piece of a big picture that protected the interests of a select few at the expense of everyone else. The final clip was the murder of students by soldiers.

"I've seen you here before," said an older woman sitting next to Benko. "What did you think of the show?"

"I like the ones that focus on a single person living their lives," said Benko.

"But don't you find their political intrigue fascinating?" asked the woman.

"A little," said Benko. "But I'm more interested in imagining myself in their shoes. They say our biology is just like theirs. Our planets are similar. We're just a tiny bit more advanced than they are. But our worlds are so different."

"I can give you the coordinates of some truly fascinating lives," said the woman. "You're young. Do you like the sexy ones? The funny ones?"

"My favorite right now is about a guy my age who doesn't have a house," said Benko. "He sleeps in unused properties and is sent to jail many times for it. Do you have anything like that?"

"I have a young man swimming with delightful marine mammals called dolphins," said the woman. "And a young woman forced to work at a fish preservation factory."

"That could be interesting," said Benko. "Trade you a montage of a failed revolution?"

"Great," said the woman, finding the coordinates on her handset. "Here you go."

They traded data and the next show began. This one opened with a rural tribe. The tribe was living peacefully until outsiders introduced a new easy food source. This disrupted the tribe's power relationships and provoked great hostility. Benko was bored.

During the intermission, Benko saw his friend Horner across the room. Horner always had the best coordinates. Benko smiled as he approached. "How's life with the archivists?" he asked.

"You should join and find out," said Horner.

"Maybe I will," said Benko. "But I'm worried doing it for a job would take the fun out of it. And why shouldn't I spend a few more years in school? That's what my parents want."

"We both know you're bored by school," said Horner. "You should've left already, but you're in love with your friend Xera."

Benko flushed, knowing that arguing would only deepen his embarrassment. "How hard is archivist training, really?" he asked. "It can't be that hard if you're doing it."

"The general training isn't bad," said Horner. "That's what I'm doing. We learn how to use the scene capture devices and calculate probable past and future states from an origin. Engineers have a more intense program. So do teachers, and entertainers. But all of that comes after the first year lessons, which even I am managing with little trouble."

"What about realtime capture?" asked Benko. "Have you learned that yet?"

Horner grinned. "I'm studying the theory," he said. "Learning it alongside Interventionist theory. Did you know there's an intervention event scheduled for today? It's probably happening right now. I can bring you to an archivist stage if you want to see it."

"What are they doing?" asked Benko. "If it's just flashing lights into the Earthling's skies like they always do, I'll pass."

"They're projecting a triangle shape, to be seen by earthling aircraft," said Horner. "There won't be any solid matter transfer. Only light. But it might be cool."

"Maybe next time," said Benko. "To be honest, the whole Interventionist plan makes me a little nervous. I mean, what happens if the plan works, and the Earthlings realize we watch them and know everything about them?"

"An Interventionist would say that this knowledge will encourage them to behave more ethically," said Horner.

"But what do you say?" asked Benko.

"I say our society needs them," said Horner. "We rely on their stories and need these stories to continue unfolding. When they started building nuclear weapons, they threatened us as well as themselves. I'm not sure that the Interventionist plan is the best way, but we did have to take some action."

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Different Qualities of Information

"Xera," said Benko while they walked home from school. "Stop for a moment. There's something I have to tell you."

"What is it?" asked Xera.

Benko took his friend's hands. "I'm in love with you," he said. "And I thought you should know."

Smiling lightly, Xera studied him. "That could work," she said. "We're a good pair. But you know my family. They're a big responsibility. You'd have to move in and participate, a big commitment. Is that really what you want?"

"Maybe, I don't know," said Benko. He'd been so wrapped up in his feelings that he hadn't fully considered the implications of a pairing. Considering them now, he found that he wasn't at all prepared for the level of commitment involved. "I've just decided to join the archivists, but what about when I'm done with the training?"

Xera shook free of his hands. "Why bring it up if you don't want it?" she asked. "Have you been spending so much time watching the Earthlings that you're picking up their habits?"

This was one of the most insulting things Xera could have said. She was surprised to have said it. The pair stared at each other in stunned silence. Then Xera turned away and continued on her way alone.

The next day, still reeling from his romantic misstep, Benko presented himself at the archivist school and was admitted after passing an aptitude test. His studies progressed quickly. After a suitable length of time, he chose realtime as his area of specialization. One evening while he sipped oro sap with Horner and a female named Jili, a topic he'd never encountered came up. Unsanctioned Interventionists.

"They're out there and don't let anyone tell you otherwise," said Jili. "But there are all different kinds. Escapists want to go there and not come back. Some might even make it. Shepherds want to influence Earthling politics or rescue the unfortunate. And then there's the Bechleys. All I really know about them is to stay out of their way."

"What happens when one of them gets caught?" asked Benko.

"Don't know," said Jili. "Professional censure, I'd assume. I'm just glad they're limited to the present. Imagine if time could be traversed as easily as space."

"Different qualities of information," said Benko. "I'm just learning it now."

"When you're not watching the most depressing stories imaginable," said Horner.

"Yeah, like what?" asked Jili.

"People with hidden illnesses," said Benko. "Misfits and misanthropes. I like the ones that aren't normal, but they keep trying to be."

"I like the ones that are so into their routines that their behavior becomes almost mechanical," said Jili.

"My favorites are the naked ones getting it on," said Horner.

"Tell me about one of your misfits," said Jili.

"How about Ryan," said Benko. "Realtime United states. Grocery store custodian. Lives in a tiny, dirty apartment with three other men. Inhales cartridges of some kind of anesthetic gas to become intoxicated. If he stopped buying the gas, he might be able to save money and move. But he keeps buying the gas cartridges."

"Anesthetic gas?" asked Jili. "I thought the ones in the US had many powerful intoxicants to choose from. Why that?"

"I assume because the cartridges are sold at a store near his house," said Benko. "He consumes alcohol too, on days he doesn't work. And he takes round white pills that his doctor says improve his attention. But he seems to be afraid of the people that sell drugs outside of their doctor system."

"That does sound depressing," said Jili. "Tell me about another one."

"There's a young woman named Harper," said Benko. "She was raised by an affluent family to believe herself to be much smarter and more creative than she naturally is. Harper takes a big white pill every day. The doctor says its for anxiety, but the pill seems to make her forget important things regularly. She works in an office and is always making big mistakes. During lunch, and after work, she drinks strong drinks at bars. When she gets home at night, she alternates between crying and setting up dates for anonymous sex before she falls asleep, usually on her couch in front of the television."

"I watched one of her sex scenes," said Horner. "Her and her partner were so drunk that they stopped right in the middle. He started playing a video game and she just went home without even saying anything."

"Give me her coordinates?" said Jili. "I've been watching a man that works at three different restaurants and only ever sleeps for two hours at a time. All of his money goes to paying for the apartment he lives in, but he can't stand to be alone so he's never there. I keep waiting for him to do something, anything, to make his life better, but he never does. Maybe he never will."

"Do you know what I wonder?" asked Horner. "I wonder what would happen if the Earthlings could see our lives as easily as we see theirs. Or even if they could see each other as easily as we see our own kind, here."

"Some of their technology is progressing in that direction," said Jili. "But so far they mostly seem to be using this technology to reinforce their complicated class system."

"I think their system would collapse if they could see each other like we see them," said Benko. "Really, how could it not?"

"Well, they do already know how unfair it is and they just keep accepting it," said Jili.

"The ones that don't accept it are segregated from the rest of society," said Benko. "Sometimes they're imprisoned or even killed. You say they accept it, but I say they have no alternative, so their acceptance means next to nothing."

"I think it does mean something," said Horner. "After the Earthling histories I've seen, I think it means that they're ever so slowly becoming a less violent people. As a whole, that is. Just a few hundred years ago, angry mobs would remove the heads of unpopular leaders. This seems to be a less and less common practice."

"Maybe so," said Benko. "But maybe the ruling class has just become better at controlling people."

"I think the knowledge that their lives are entirely and indefinitely observable would create deeper change in their societies than we're talking about," said Jili. "Some of their religions teach that one or more deities can observe them to this extent. But if they really knew that such observation was possible, I think it would make a profound difference in their behavior."

"Huh," said Benko. "Our people have lived with that knowledge for three hundred years. And we haven't had any major conflict since the Last War that happened then. I was always taught that the discovery of the Earthlings ended that war, but of course that coincided with the technical elimination of our ability to hide things from each other."

"Careful," said Jili. "You're starting to sound like a real archivist."

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Artifacts of Observational Bias

The first project Benko presented for archivist review concerned an Earthling named Jeanine. She was a scientist hired by an energy company to uncover any areas of concern in the company's practices. Upon finding that the company's resource extraction methods made earthquakes much more likely, Jeanine stood in front of her superiors and explained the problem.

"So you're saying there's a correlation, but you can't prove cause?" asked one of her bosses.

"Have you assessed the impact of the earthquakes on our infrastructure?" asked another. "Does this increase the risk of pipeline disruption?"

"I'm talking about literal seismic disruption," said Jeanine, mortified by the response she was getting. "So yeah, pipelines may be impacted."

"No need to take that tone here," said the boss, who was also texting his buddy about golf. "Thank you for bringing this to our attention. We'll take it under advisement."

The scene skipped ahead to Jeanine at home, taking a rectangular white pill, and looking for job openings on her computer. She drank two glasses of wine and fell asleep at her desk.

"Impressive," said a Senior Archivist when it was over. "But don't you think it's too subtle? Next time, consider highlighting the seriousness of the issue more, to draw more attention to the callousness of the superiors."

"I liked the subtlety," said another Senior Archivist. "It kept the focus on the scientist's personal experience of unfairness. Unfairness? Futility? Maybe both."

"What was your motivation for including the pill she took in the scene?" asked a Junior Archivist.

"In my region of focus, nearly every Earthling I've observed takes such pills," said Benko. "Except for the poor ones. They usually consume other intoxicants."

"So unmedicated reality is rare among them?" asked the Junior Archivist.

"My sample selection is biased," said Benko. "I'm not sure my observations can be generalized like that."

This was the right answer and Benko passed the review. As everyone dispersed, one of the Senior Archivists stayed put. Yurisa, Benko knew, though only by reputation. "Most impressive," she said, once they were alone. "I'm working on a special project. It involves a complex montage and scores of subjects. I was wondering if you'd help with subject identification."

"Of course," said Benko. "But I'm not even officially a Junior yet. Are you sure I'll be able to do it?"

"I am, but maybe you're not," said Yurisa. "Perhaps a test is in order. Find me an Earthling that you've never studied, who behaves as if they know about us when they're alone. Bring me their coordinates by tomorrow."

"I'll do my best," said Benko.

"I'm sure you'll do fine," said Yurisa. "Oh, and religious Earthlings in prayer don't count."

That evening, Benko began by scoping public places, looking for people who seemed out of place. He found many people talking to themselves, and a few talking to imagined companions, but no one who fit the criteria as he understood it. Tired, ready for bed, Benko idly followed a young man named Chase from a bar to an apartment. Once there, Chase turned on a computer and began typing unusual phrases into the machine, erasing each one before moving on to the next.

"I know you're there," typed Chase. "I know you're not allowed to talk to me. But what are you after? Why are you always watching?"

"Hmm, yes, very good," said Yurisa the next morning upon observing the scene. "You say you found him at a bar and followed him home? Why follow this one?"

"I'm not exactly sure," said Benko. "There was something different about him, I guess. He didn't do what people usually do at the bar. I mean, he consumed one drink, watched people without talking to any of them, and did it like it was a job more than like it was recreation."

"I see," said Yurisa. "So there wasn't a moment when you felt he might've noticed your observation? Before he returned home?"

"Well, there was a kind of moment," said Benko. "When I think about it, as he was leaving the bar, his eyes seemed to linger on my observation point. Only for a second, and I could have imagined it, but that's probably what got me following him."

"Excellent!" said Yurisa. "You know, about one in fifty thousand of them seem to be able to detect our observations in some way. No one knows how, or why, but that's what my project is about. Some of my subjects are extreme cases. Most are as subtle as your Chase. I want to look at all of them and hopefully put together a montage that sheds light on the phenomenon."

"Wait," said Benko. "So you're saying that these cases aren't just artifacts of observational bias, like we're taught?"

"The rule is that they are," said Yurisa. "But as a Senior Archivist, my duties include testing the rules to ensure that they don't need to be modified when new information comes to light. Consider my project one of those tests. But please, don't tell anyone outside of my working group anything about it."

"I already told my friends about the first assignment," admitted Benko.

"That's okay, but it's silence from here on out," said Yurisa. "If anyone wants to know what we're up to, they can scope us and put it together in their own time."

Having never been involved in a secret project before, Benko felt excited and nervous in equal measure. "You can count on me," he said.

"We meet at noon on even days in the West Greenhouse," said Yurisa. "But attendance is only mandatory for subproject heads. There are four of those, including me. Your role will be to assist me, and it may take some time to meet the other assistants."

"What's your subproject?" asked Benko.

"Well, my discipline is transworld synchrony," said Yurisa. "My subproject investigates the possibility that information leakage plays a role in observations of synchrony."

"That sounds ... cool, but a little over my head," said Benko.

"I think it'll be a good challenge for someone like you," said Yurisa.

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Only a Class C Breach

The Senior Archivist's project was titled 'When Earthlings Watch the Watchers.' It was initially presented to an audience of one hundred. Showing scene after scene of people trying to communicate with their observers, Yurisa's work highlighted the phenomenon without trying to explain it. For his role in the project, Benko was awarded the rank of Junior Archivist.

That meant Benko could now program the observation devices directly, without a software intermediary. This wasn't something he needed to do, but he wanted to try it just for the experience. Entering a one-person observation alcove, Benko pulled up the probable realtime coordinates for a subject named Tabby, who seemed to talk to her observers in private at the mirror, usually a simple greeting.

Today, for no other reason than to play with his newfound power, Benko waited until Tabby was in front of a mirror. "I know you're there," she said softly. "You know how I am. And how are you today?"

"Quite well, in fact," replied Benko, having set the device to allow his voice to pass the boundary between worlds, which was very much against the rules.

Tabby stared at her reflection, startled. "Are you an elf?" she asked. "Are elves real?"

"I'm a person from another world, but I cannot tell you more," said Benko, who was becoming more nervous about his rebellion with each passing second. "Just know that we see you, and find you good."

As he said this, Tabby was overcome with emotion. "I don't know if I can take this, but okay," she said to her reflection before turning and leaving the bathroom.

Disconnecting the device, Benko stared at the empty alcove, wondering if he'd just thrown away his future as an archivist for a cheap thrill. Technically, he was now an Unsanctioned Interventionist. No one could ever find out.

Leaving the alcove, Benko found a crowded lecture nearby and joined the students standing in back. The story being projected had been assembled from scenes of history. Initially, this story concerned vegetation. Over a span of thousands of years, Earthlings transformed a continent into an abundant paradise. Then other Earthlings arrived from across the sea and destroyed this labor of millennia, replacing it with a vastly inferior agricultural system.

When the projection ended, the teacher looked around the room at no one in particular. "You see that the migrants were the problem," he said. "But this next montage draws from the histories of these migrants. Some of you may find them sympathetic characters."

The lecture went on for another forty minutes. It proved engaging enough, though Benko's mind was on other matters. He did manage to ask a question. "Are you implying that there's a connection between social welfare and environmental stewardship?" he'd asked, realizing too late that the question was probably stupid.

"It's the nature of this connection that I'm trying to get you to think about," clarified the teacher.

Later returning to his quarters, Benko found Jili waiting for him. "I was observing you today," she said. "I know what you did."

"And you didn't tell everyone?" asked Benko nervously.

"It was only a class C breach," shrugged Jili. "You didn't make our world visible and no matter passed between worlds. Don't worry, it's actually much more common than you might think."

"It is?" asked Benko.

"Think about it," said Jili. "The machines wouldn't be built to allow contact if zero contact was the true objective."

"I don't understand," said Benko.

"Only a hundred years ago, it was common for us to intervene in their world," said Jili. "Even now, some of us sometimes intervene. Like me. And like you, now."

"But I didn't even know what I was doing," said Benko.

"I saw," said Jili. "You said the most helpful thing you could think of. You broke the rules to do something nice."

"I broke the rules just to break them," admitted Benko.

"Now that you have, how do you feel?" asked Jili.

"Scared of getting caught, I guess," said Benko. "But you already caught me, so maybe a little scared of you, too."

Jili laughed. "We have a club, you know," she said. "It's unofficial, obviously, but a Senior Archivist named Mork organized it. You should come to our next meeting."

"Seriously?" asked Benko. "There's a UI club? I guess ... I have more than a few questions."

"Ask Mork, he loves to talk," said Jili. "I'll take you there and vouch for you."

When the time came, Benko met Jili as the cafeteria was closing for the evening and they proceeded to a part of the campus Benko had never seen before. Entering a nondescript administrative building, they proceeded down dimly lit hallways until they arrived to a room with a sign on it reading 'Senior Archivist Mork.'

Inside, the pair was greeted by a dozen archivists of varying rank. Benko didn't recognize anyone, but assumed that the speaker was Mork.

"Ahh, the new one," said Mork upon catching sight of Benko. "Jili mentioned you. Welcome. Perhaps you'd like to weigh in on the current discussion?"

"I can try," mumbled Benko, mildly embarrassed to have been singled out. "What's the question?"

"A poor man has published a book that a rich man doesn't like," said Mork. "The rich man wants all copies of the book destroyed on the grounds that its contents might corrupt the youth. But the poor man worked hard on the book and refuses to be censored."

"Okay," said Benko. "On the surface, the rich man seems like he must be in the wrong. Is there more to it?"

"Very astute," said Mork. "The rich man has started using his resources to create problems for the poor man, who is also sickly and weak, with little to no social support."

"Is the question about whether to intervene on the poor man's behalf, or about how to intervene?" asked Benko.

"What do you think?" asked Mork.

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The Kill Fee

By Benko's standards, Glenn Peabody was a wretched individual. The man seemed to be allergic to everything. He was always sneezing and coughing and sputtering. He had few friends and lived in the closet of a basement, in a building that allowed him to stay there in exchange for maintenance work. Despite these unfavorable circumstances, Peabody had written Castle Street, a passable mystery novel. This book was what all of the fuss was about.

A real estate mogul named Kyle Nopkin had found Castle Street through social media. As he read the book, Nopkin became increasingly distressed by the story's negative portrayal of a man similar to himself. Upon finishing the novel, he had an emotional breakdown. Blaming this breakdown on the book, Nopkin considered the impact such a triggering text might have on children or the unstable. Shuddering at the thought, he contacted the author to demand that he recall his books.

Peabody didn't agree to a recall. At first, he assumed Nopkin was just a harmless weirdo. Then the threats started coming. Nopkin threatened to get Peabody fired, and to mess with his life in other ways. This is where things were when Benko started observing.

"I don't think we should intervene," said Benko when next he saw Mork. "Not until the conflict escalates."

"And then?" asked Mork.

"I don't know," said Benko. "This Nopkin guy seems like he might ruin Peabody's life, essentially over nothing. But is that our concern? Doesn't stuff like this happen on Earth all the time?"

"Indeed it does," said Mork. "Any intervention would of course be unsanctioned, as this matter is no threat whatsoever to the continued viability of their species."

"What if we got Nopkin to pay Peabody a sum of money to stop distributing the text?" asked Benko. "If the sum was substantial enough, Peabody might agree to it, and Nopkin would leave him alone, having got what he wanted."

"Jili told me you were smart," said Mork. "There's an Earthling term for what you're proposing. They call it a kill fee, because a fee is paid to kill a project."

"Would Nopkin even do it?" asked Benko. "From what I've observed, he gives some money to charity for tax reasons, and gives lip service to helping the disadvantaged, but nothing I've seen suggests that he harbors any goodwill towards members of the lower classes like Peabody."

"And Peabody?" asked Mork. "Do you think he'd be happy to accept mere money in exchange for stopping a project he's put so much of his life into?"

"The sum would have to be great," said Benko. "Enough to make up for killing the book he's convinced could become very popular."

"The rest of our group came up with an amount of eighty thousand of their dollars," said Mork. "What do you think about that?"

"That might be acceptable to Peabody, but I doubt Nopkin would consider paying so much," said Benko. "Even getting him to pay half of that might be difficult."

"Since you're the newest member of our UI conspiracy, we've decided that it will fall on you to convince Nopkin to offer and then pay such a kill fee," said Mork.

Benko was stunned, considering the possibility that this whole conversation had been carefully planned out beforehand. "Me?" he asked. "Shouldn't this be done by someone with more experience?"

"Probably," said Mork. "But you need the experience and we all want to see what kind of intervention you come up with. It should go without saying that it should be limited to class C if at all possible."

For the next several days, Benko studied the problem. Though Kyle Nopkin was a villain in their story, he proved to be a surprisingly likable character. And going over his recent history, Benko could see Nopkin's point, that reading Castle Street had contributed to his emotional breakdown.

In the days immediately before this reading, Nopkin seemed mostly normal. He jogged through his Philadelphia neighborhood, spoke with his money manager, drank too much scotch after dinner, and passive-aggressively argued with his girlfriend. On the afternoon he read Castle Street on his tablet while laying on a couch, Nopkin was just wasting time before an upscale party where his girlfriend was scheduled to perform an improvisational dance number.

Consuming three scotches in as many hours while reading Castle Street, a conflicting range of intense emotions became evident in Nopkin's face. He cried twice while reading, and when he was done, he slid off the couch and began emitting great gasping sobs. When his girlfriend found him like that, drunk and sobbing next to a broken scotch glass, they fought and she left for the night.

Nopkin went to the gym to sweat the alcohol out on a stationary bike. Returning to his apartment, he took sleeping pills and passed out. The next day, while fetching coffee at a corner shop, Nopkin's path was blocked by a vagrant demanding money. Instead of giving the vagrant nothing, like usual, or a dollar, which seemed to be customary, he handed over five hundred dollars and started crying again.

After that, Nopkin returned home and tried unsuccessfully to get his therapist on the phone. Then he called a few friends and was barely coherent as he attempted to tell them about this mystery novel and the effect it seemed to be having on him. One friend suggested that Nopkin sounded like he was in crisis and suggested he go to a hospital for a mental health evaluation.

For the next few days, Nopkin hid out in his apartment, drinking scotch and having food delivered. He re-read Castle Street, then began seeking out all of the information he could find on the book's author. Becoming obsessed with Peabody, Nopkin called his lawyer and asked if there was any way to have Peabody arrested for publishing such a damaging book. The lawyer was patient, and suggested that Nopkin could offer Peabody a kill fee for halting further distribution of the work.

"Got it!" said Benko when he heard that. The conversation had taken place just a few weeks ago, which was recent enough that Nopkin should remember it. Reprogramming his observation device for realtime, Benko found Nopkin at the tail end of what seemed like a messy breakup with his girlfriend. She had placed all of her personal items in a big suitcase and was wheeling it out of his apartment. Once she'd left, Benko seized the opportunity.

"If you want to resolve your problem," said Benko, his translated voice broadcast into the apartment. "Do what your attorney suggested. Pay Glenn Peabody a kill fee of eighty thousand dollars to stop his work from being distributed."

"What?" asked Nopkin. "Is someone here?"

Benko repeated his message a few more times while Nopkin looked around, finding no one.

"I can't!" Nopkin finally growled in frustration. "That's extortion! That little shit shouldn't be rewarded for writing a book that drives people crazy! I'll stop him another way."

"Right now, you're talking to yourself in the privacy of your own home," said Benko. "If you offer the kill fee of eighty thousand, you'll never hear from me again. If you decided instead to take some action that might harm Glenn Peabody, I promise to talk to you in much more important and public circumstances."

"What is this?" demanded Nopkin. "Are you outside? Where's the speaker?"

"Consider me the voice of your own conscience, intervening to prevent you from making bigger mistakes," said Benko, disconnecting.

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High Reproductive Fitness

The intervention appeared successful when, a few days later, Nopkin offered Peabody the kill fee and Peabody agreed to accept it. After that, Benko was recognized by the established UIs as one of their own. Some of the things he began to learn from them were surprising. One of Jili's interventions was shocking.

There was an appliance part factory that was systematically underpaying workers for their labor. The workers notified the government of the problem but nothing happened. Jili found someone in the government to talk to in a private. The next day, an investigation was opened into the wage theft at the factory.

Jili talked about it as if it were a small thing, but Benko knew better. It made him nervous. His recent intervention had been purely personal. Jili's intervention involved their government. Considering this, a troubling question occurred to Benko. If there was intervention happening on this scale, far beyond anything sanctioned, then how much of the Earthling world was theirs alone, and how much was shaped by the influence of interventions?

Thinking about this, standing in a hallway, Benko almost didn't notice Senior Archivist Yurisa walking up. "So you're with Mork now?" she asked. "Intervention ethics is a respectable enough discipline. Why didn't you tell me you were considering it?"

"Sorry, guess I've just been busy," said Benko. "Lost in thought thanks to Mork."

"Well, are you coming to the Sanctioned Intervention?" asked Yurisa. "It's about to begin."

They made their way to the main auditorium, which seated five hundred. The event was the broadcasting of a simulated aircraft into Earth space above a military facility. As the simulated aircraft lit up the sky, the Earthlings scrambled jets to intercept it. The broadcast was ended after the jets flew past the projected object.

"A rousing success," said Yurisa.

"Clues to a puzzle they can't possibly solve," reflected Benko. "It makes sense that we'd introduce ourselves gradually. But presenting them with the inexplicable, time and again. Is that more or less fair than another approach might be?"

"You sound like Mork," said Yurisa, grinning. "Maybe some people are just attracted to hard problems."

The next day, observing a couple of Earthlings with Jili, Benko recalled Yurisa's comment. "I see what you're talking about," he said. "Each one uses the other to disconnect from reality in subtle ways. As a result, they never seem to face their problems. But how much more are you going to make me watch?"

"I'm waiting for you to notice something," said Jili. "Here, let's go back further. To when they first paired up. Then to before that."

"Hold on," said Benko an hour later. "This female selected this male from three suitors, none of whom were aware of each other. The one she selected was both the least intelligent and the most likely to do status displays in public. Is that normal?"

"Entirely normal," said Jili. "At least, according to my research, it's become so in recent years."

"So," said Benko. "This type of mating selection isn't about reproductive fitness at all? It's about social signaling aptitude and control of the other within one of their weird isolated partnerships?"

"Sure looks that way, doesn't it?" said Jili. "The males and the females both do it. Historically, in their patriarchy, it was mostly the males. But now everyone seems to be selecting for partners based on their social signaling potential combined with how easily they can be controlled."

"Weird," said Benko. "Do you think this has to do with their declining fertility?"

"From what I understand, that's the result of the toxic chemicals they've put into their food and water," said Jili. "But I'm wondering if this behavior might be some kind of unconscious response to that."

"What percentage of their couplings are like this?" asked Benko.

"I'm still looking at that," said Jili. "Preliminary results suggest that the practice becomes more common with younger subjects. And there are regional variations. It's not a global phenomenon, though it could possible become one. Having said all that, the figure looks to be over thirty percent in population centers in the US among those of breeding age. Globally, I'd be surprised if it was as high as one percent."

"So it's bound to this culture," said Benko. "That makes sense. Earthlings in the US are very weird. Part of why I love to observe them."

"Now we come to why I really brought you in on this," said Jili. "There's a possible impact of this unusual mating behavior that I'd like you to look for."

"Okay," said Benko, not knowing what to expect.

"In theory," said Jili. "If the phenomenon is widespread, that would mean that large numbers of people with high reproductive fitness are being passed over by prospective mates in favor of people with these other traits. The social signaling aptitude and manipulability. I'm interested in the behavior of these passed-over mates. The males especially. I want to see if they contribute disproportionately to social problems."

"What answer do you want me to find?" asked Benko. "You know my focus is largely on unfortunates in the US. The females I observe are typically in bad relationships while the males are typically solitary. But my unfortunates rarely contribute to social problems in more than minor ways. They tend to be the victims of these problems, not causes."

"Interesting," said Jili. "So who causes their social problems if not their unfortunates?"

"Most of my observation is on the personal level, so weigh my opinion accordingly," said Benko. "The social problems I've observed all seem to stem from fallible power holders in inhumane systems. Failings like greed, entitlement, callousness, and paternalism cause great harm in interpersonal situations, but the harm is incalculably greater when such failings are encoded into and articulated through their systems of control."

"I see," said Jili, let down. "I was hoping to find a correlation between high reproductive fitness and antisocial behavior subsequent to romantic rejection."

"There might still be one," said Benko. "Most of the Earthlings I observe have low reproductive fitness, so maybe I'm not the best person to ask."

"Thanks anyway," said Jili. "I thought I might be onto the early stages of a dangerous trend, but maybe I've just been experiencing pareidolia."

"They do say that's a hazard of our work," said Benko.

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Peace at the Cost of Freedom

"What's happening?" asked Benko, having arrived late to Mork's lesson.

"These Earthlings are upset that their rulers are tyrants," said Jili. "But one of their group secretly works for the rulers. Sam. We're watching that one gathering information to use for betraying the others. Realtime."

Mork's students watched as the Earthling meeting ended and Sam proceeded to another meeting in the parking lot of a government building. The man Sam met said nothing. He just accepted a data storage device and got back in his car. As Sam left, the observation was terminated.

"Well, everyone, what do you think?" asked Mork once the scene had ended. "Benko, you were late. What do you make of what little you saw?"

"I'm not sure I know enough about their government system to say," said Benko. "Are people like Sam a normal part of things, or is this story more important for some reason?"

"They're normal," said Kammy, whom Benko disliked. "Allowable under their law."

"And what happens when a group like this discovers that one of its members is a spy?" asked Mork.

"I've only seen that happen when the spying is revealed in one of their court cases," said Kammy. "What was the point of this observation, really?"

"I wanted to illustrate one small way that their tyrants maintain control," said Mork. "They use spies like Sam, vast digital monitoring programs, and office buildings filled with analysts to identify dissent and crush it before it ever becomes an influential force."

"But isn't that a good thing?" asked Kammy. "A way to keep the peace?"

"Indeed it is," said Mork. "But at the cost of actual freedom, which they claim to prize, though in practice they stifle it at every turn."

Benko was bored. "I'd like to know more about this Sam," he said. "And maybe the man Sam met with, to pass the data. It's hard for me to make sense of observations that aren't grounded in the stories of the individuals involved."

"I'm curious about the sexual politics in their dissident group," said Jili. "And how these might differ from the sexual politics inside of their tyrannical government."

"We're getting off track here," said Mork. "Natlin, you've been quiet so far. Tell us, do you think intervening on behalf of the dissident group would be ethical?"

"Only if it stopped the whole system used to oppress dissenters," said Natlin. "And if it did this without creating new conflict. So no, I don't think ethical intervention is possible in this case."

Having only heard Natlin speak a few times, Benko was impressed by this answer. When the class was over, he and Jili went for a walk. Finding a large goof tree heavy with ripe fruit, they stopped for lunch. Sitting on the ground, eating their goof fruit with several others doing the same, neither spoke until their food was consumed.

"So," asked Jili finally. "Why were you late today?"

"I was observing Glenn Peabody, remember him?" said Benko. "Then I found another one, a friend of Peabody's named Archie Webb. Guess I got stuck in Webb's web."

"Good joke," teased Jili. "Maybe you should have been an entertainer instead of an archivist."

"Maybe," said Benko, grinning. "Do you want to hear about it or not?"

"Let's hear it," said Jili.

"So I was observing Peabody, monitoring the results of my intervention, when I came across Webb," said Benko. "The two are friends and Peabody bought Webb lunch. When they started talking about their respective medical problems, I was hooked."

"You do love the sick ones," said Jili.

"Yes, well, this Webb has a rare disease of the brain," said Benko. "Sometimes dilated blood vessels crush his head from the inside out, which is impossibly painful."

"That sounds terrible," said Jili.

"It is," said Benko. "He can't do normal work and is of low social status. One of the medications he uses has been outlawed, making his use of this medicine a criminal act. Some of his doctors approve of his use of this medicine, while others wrongly consider the medicine to be a danger to his psychological health. Because of his low status, he is not permitted to select his own doctors, and he's been greatly harmed by bad ones in the past."

"How closely have you observed of him?" asked Jili. "Are you thinking intervention? Intervening with two subjects that are acquainted seems very risky."

"I don't know," said Benko. "I need to observe more. At the moment, after seeing the scene of one of Webb's episodes, I'm still trying to figure out how that Earthling manages to do anything at all. I can give you the coordinates if you want to check it out for yourself."

An hour later, finding an open observation alcove, Benko showed Jili what he was talking about with Webb. They spend a few hours observing their subject's past, finding several very disturbing episodes. Switching to realtime, they found Webb sitting outside a food market, drinking fruit juice, displaying no evidence of his health problems.

"I can't believe how normal he looks," commented Jili.

"I know," said Benko. "I never would've noticed him if he and Peabody hadn't talked about his issues."

"What of his other friends?" asked Jili. "Have you found any lovers?"

"No one recent, but you're better at locating affairs than I am," said Benko. "Is that something you'd want to help with?"

"Maybe," said Jili. "There's something about this one. I can see how you got hooked, but I'm not sure I want to get too involved."

"Okay, but why not?" asked Benko. "Is there something here you don't like?"

"Nothing identifiable at this point," said Jili. "It's just ... uncomfortable to think about this subject. Maybe that means I should observe him more, but I'm a little afraid of what I might find out."

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The Key is Context

Despite Jili's misgivings, Benko continued observing Archie Webb. Jili quickly backed away from the whole thing, while Benko became increasingly obsessed. He watched as Webb's medical condition worsened for a time, horrified yet unable to turn away from what that looked like. He saw Webb writhe and whimper in agony twice a day for months, until the Earthling's bouts of acute distress seemed routinized.

Webb held a part time job doing data entry from home. His apartment was an unused stairwell, rented from the occupants of the apartment with access to the stairwell, of whom there were six. Although Web got along with these roommates, he wasn't very involved with them. They knew about his medical condition and accommodated it while he mostly kept to himself.

For recreation, Web visited a cat cafe. This was a cafe overrun by cats. Earthlings mingled with this clowder of cats while taking refreshment. Webb rarely recreated outside the cat cafe. He ate pizza with two cousins once a month. Sometimes he made small clay sculptures or plucked at a banjo. The rest of the time he sat at his computer, entering data for his employer and pursuing his own projects.

Like his friend Glenn Peabody, Webb had literary aspirations. He'd written a trilogy about spies, though only Peabody seemed to have read it. When Benko read the work, which took weeks due to the constraint of his observer status, he found it very impressive. So much so that he couldn't believe Webb's fellow Earthlings shunned it uniformly. Observing Webb closely, Benko began to understand what it was that made this subject so compelling. On the surface, Webb fit into the world around him. But the deeper you looked, the more apparent it became that he was deeply out of place.

Once Benko started seeing that, he couldn't stop seeing it. Webb was intelligent and creative. He wasn't antisocial. But he was sick, and that separated him from those around him in countless subtle ways. His diet was heavily restricted. He had abnormal sleep requirements. One of his medicines was prohibited by law. His income was low and his many attempts to improve it had proven futile.

Almost without realizing it, Benko resolved to intervene on Webb's behalf. The problem was, there was no clear point of intervention. The healing of an Earthling brain was impossible, as far as he knew. Finding Webb a large sum of money, as he'd done with Peabody, was highly unlikely. So Benko brought the problem to Jili.

"I can't believe you're still observing that one," said Jili. "Have you considered finding him a mate?"

"What few prospective mates I've observed rejected him because he's poor and sick and lives in a stairwell," said Benko.

"That does make it difficult," admitted Jili. "Maybe start by working backwards from what you want to achieve? What is it that Webb really wants?"

"I don't know?" said Benko. "And now I'm embarrassed that I didn't ask that question sooner."

"That just means you're a good observer," said Jili. "Detached and all. But what do you think? What does he want?"

"Aside from the obvious?" asked Benko. "If health and money and a mate are all impossible? It's a tough question. Maybe a slightly better job? Acknowledgment of his unrecognized accomplishments? What would one of us want in his place?"

Jili made a thinking noise. "What about religion?" she asked eventually. "I don't know much about Earthling religion, but I've heard many of them find it helpful."

"Not bad, Jili," said Benko. "What do you know about using an intervention to produce a religious experience?"

"Probably as much as you," said Jili. "It's more against the rules than other kinds of interventions because it distorts their view of reality, instead of bringing it into clearer focus."

"Right, but have you heard of it being done?" asked Benko. "Recently, I mean."

"Don't tell her I told you," said Jili. "But Natlin might've done something like that."

Finding Natlin in a lounge drinking oro sap that evening, Benko got a drink and sat on the couch nearest her. "How is your project coming?" he asked. "Any major developments?"

"Is this an attempt to mate?" asked Natlin. "I thought you and Jili might be paired."

"You did?" asked Benko. "Never mind. I'm actually here to ask you about something sensitive. Your religious intervention."

"Oh," said Natlin. "Jili better have a good reason for telling you about that."

"I'm thinking of intervening with one of my subjects," said Benko, keeping his voice low so they wouldn't be overheard. "But I don't know if the nature of this intervention should be religious."

"I see," said Natlin. "My subject was a girl who had been harmed by her priest. She was losing her faith, yelling at a shrine, and I intervened to tell her that it was all the bad priest's fault. That she was innocent and good in her deity's eyes."

As Benko listened to the story, he wondered if it would upset Jili for him to try to mate with Natlin. Probably, he realized. "What was the outcome of your intervention?" he asked. "Did it help?"

"It helped the girl," said Natlin. "She told her parents about the priest, they told another priest, and the bad one was transferred away from the girl's town. Probably to harm children somewhere else."

"How do you feel about all of that?" asked Benko. "Are you glad you did it?"

"I am," said Natlin. "No one else was helping that girl. I just couldn't observe that one without intervening. We've all seen far worse than a man harming a child, but for some reason that one compelled me to act. To break the rules."

"My subject has a different situation," said Benko. "He's plagued with mysterious sickness and is separated from others by it. He's poor and lives in a stairwell. I cannot cure his sickness, I can't deliver a meaningful sum of money to him without risking public exposure, and his lowly status prevents me from finding him a mate."

"So you're thinking a religious experience might be an option?" asked Natlin. "Is he religious?"

"No, but he sometimes meditates," said Benko.

"Does he have a statue that he looks at?" asked Natlin. "My subject had a statue. Where will your intervention emanate from?"

"Good question," said Benko. "He makes small clay sculptures. Maybe one of those."

"The key is context," said Natlin. "My subject had a religious context. If yours doesn't have that, consider something else."

This wasn't what Benko wanted to hear. "Thanks," he said. "I'm sure you're right."

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Luck is Assigned

Interventions had an energy cost which grew sharply with the severity of the breach. A class C breach drew an amount that was barely noticeable. A class B was easily detected and a class A set off the alarms of energy grid managers. Benko knew this, but he was still considering a class B breach for his intervention on behalf of Archie Webb.

Once he'd given up on producing a religious experience for Webb, Benko decided that an in-person chat might help his subject in some important, intangible way. If he spoke to Webb through a transworld aperture, he could deliver a message of hope from another world, which seemed like a better intervention than nothing.

In truth, Benko had little to offer Webb, and coming up with a message of hope proved surprisingly challenging. So he decided to improvise. Gathering his courage, he programmed the observation device and was just about to initiate contact when Senior Archivist Mork unexpectedly entered the alcove.

"Benko," said Mork. "I know my intrusion is highly irregular, but your recent behavior has given me cause for concern. You're overdue for a presentation, you know."

"I know," said Benko. "I'm working on a big one, but it won't be ready for at least another week."

"Yes yes," said Mork, inspecting the device controls. "Well, I've been observing you closely and I know exactly what you're up to here, today. You've sought input from Jili and Natlin, but not me or the rest of the class. You're in dangerous territory, youngling. More than you realize."

Feeling on the edge of panic, Benko feared he was about to be thrown out of the program. "I know," he said. "But what should I do? The Earthling I've been observing deserves an intervention, but it all seems so impossible."

"That's why I've come now," said Mork. "If you do this alone, your future as an archivist will be in question. But if you intervene under my guidance, it becomes my responsibility, and my position here is entirely secure."

Benko couldn't believe it. "You would do that?" he asked.

"Of course," said Mork. "Though I'll admit to taking a personal interest in your subject. You see, he falls into a category of Earthling that's long fascinated me."

"He does?" asked Benko.

"I call them Outlings," said Mork. "These are Earthlings who are out of place in some intangible yet fundamental way. They show great promise but rarely survive into adulthood. And when they do, no matter what choices they make, they're always pinned to low status lives by any number of seemingly disconnected unfavorable circumstances."

"That does sound like Archie Webb," said Benko. "Have you intervened on behalf of an Outling before?"

"I intervened on this very one's behalf six years ago," said Mork. "I convinced him to write down his stories about spies and intrigue. Once he did that, I was sure things would get better for him. But I was mistaken. His work was simply ignored, because he was an Outling."

"I don't understand," said Benko. "Why didn't you tell me about him sooner? And my intervention ... what can I possibly do that you haven't already thought of?"

Mork studied his pupil. "You do know the rule against multiple interventions on behalf of the same Earthling," he said. "It's much more serious than the general ban on unsanctioned interventions."

"Yes," said Benko. "But now I don't know what to do. All I know is that Webb deserves better than he's ever going to get from his people."

"Okay, but why him?" asked Mork. "There are millions upon millions of Earthlings in worse circumstances, with more horrid afflictions and far greater poverty. People who live and die knowing only hardship and injustice. What is it about this one that's brought you to this place."

Benko thought about the question. It was a question that had come to dominate his thoughts, and now he needed an answer. "After long and careful study, I'm not entirely sure," he admitted. "But Webb's whole life, even as a child, he seemed to behave more like a Motherling than an Earthling, if that makes sense. He was always different, and was often mistreated or shunned because of it. Whenever he tried to fit in, it didn't work. When he tried to be himself, it didn't work. Nothing works for him. It's as if his whole world has conspired to keep him wretched."

"I'm going to tell you something now that you shouldn't bring up, except with Senior Archivists and those of higher rank," said Mork. "As a whole, the Earthlings do conspire to keep Outlings like Webb wretched. They don't do this consciously, but they conspire nonetheless."

"They do?" asked Benko. "But how?"

"As I said, unconsciously," said Mork. "The procedures involved are complex. But most Earthlings are programmed in childhood to detect and act against threats to the dominant order, whatever that order may be. Outlings naturally possess qualities that threaten Earthling systems of social control. Consequently, by thousands of minor mechanisms, they're assigned an amount of bad luck sufficient to prevent them from ever meaningfully participating in their society."

"That sounds horrible," said Benko. "But you're saying luck is a thing assigned to an Earthling by their social body?"

"Luck is assigned, yes," said Mork. "The individual unconscious assigns luck to some extent, but in most matters of import it's the shared unconscious that does the assigning."

"Did you know all this when you intervened on Webb's behalf the first time?" asked Benko.

"I suspected, and Webb's case ultimately confirmed it," said Mork. "The literature he produced following my intervention was very good. It should have made him a success. Instead, all it did was inspire his friend Glenn Peabody to write a mystery novel that so threatened a well-to-do reader that you had to intervene to prevent this reader from ruining Peabody's life. You see, Peabody isn't an Outling, but he was very briefly treated like one after publishing work inspired by one."

"Wow," said Benko. "This suddenly seems much bigger than I thought it was. I'd been planning on appearing before Webb to tell him simply that he was seen and appreciated. But now? I don't know what to do at all."

"Whatever you decide to say, I'd like to remain present," said Mork. "But I have other business to attend to, so please do get on with it."

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Our Aperture was Misconfigured

There was a landing in the stairwell Archie Webb lived in, onto which a small dingy mattress and a large shelf had been stuffed. Webb couldn't stretch all of the way out on the mattress, but it was firm enough to be comfortable to sit on. One night, reading by the light of a lamp clipped to a stair, he felt an odd sensation, like he was in a descending elevator. Then suddenly he was falling sideways and sprawling out onto a polished black floor.

"Unbelievable!" exclaimed Benko, jumping back. "The controls must have malfunctioned! What do we do?"

Working the observation device controls, Mork appeared solemn and nodded towards Webb. "I've frozen the device until technicians arrive, as is protocol in the event of a malfunction. The question now is are you prepared to take responsibility for the consequences of your programming error?"

Benko looked at Webb, who was disoriented and struggling to rise to his feet. "Who are you?" asked Webb. "What is this place?"

"The first thing we need is a translation device," said Benko. "I think he's asking what happened but I can't be sure."

"Here," said Mork, removing a spare handset from a pocket, working its controls, and handing it to Webb. "What's this?" he asked, the handset translating his words. "Ahh," he said, fastening the device around his wrist.

"Please remain calm," said Mork. "My pupil and I were studying your world and something went wrong. Our observation aperture was misconfigured and it transported you and these belongings of yours here."

"Okay, well, I'm Archie," said Archie. "What are your names? And where exactly am I?"

"I'm Mork and this is Benko," said Mork. "You're on the planet Mother, in the Temperate Subcontinent, in the city of New Oro, on the campus of the archivists."

"So ... this is a UFO abduction?" asked Archie. "I mean, okay. But like, can I smoke?"

"Not in here," said Mork. "Because of sensitive equipment. Perhaps outdoors. We've never abducted someone before so the rules are unclear."

"I assure you you're free to do whatever you want as long as it does no harm," said Benko.

Just then, Yurisa arrived to the alcove, with a Senior Technician on either side of her. "An entire year's energy, gone!" she exclaimed. "And what is that?" she demanded, pointing at Archie.

"Hey, I'm Archie," said Archie.

"Are you unharmed?" asked Yurisa, taking in the scene and absorbing its staggering implications.

"I'm good," said Archie.

"Good," said Yurisa. "You and your belongings will have to be scanned for threats immediately. The observation device here can be repurposed for such a scan, but these technicians must first run tests on the device. We'll all have to stay here until the scan is completed."

Back at home, the shelf in Archie's room had held four giant plastic bins. Now, none of these bins was upright, and one of them had spilled open, revealing a pile of semi-folded clothing. Slowly, while his strange new companions watched, Archie righted the bins and picked the clothes up. At a loss concerning what to do next, he sat on a bin, taking comfort in its familiarity.

After several minutes of silence, Benko made a noise. "Archie," he said. "There's something you must know. It's unlikely that you'll ever be able to return to your home planet."

"Uhh, what do you mean?" asked Archie.

"The energy cost to return you would be too great," said Mork.

"And you brought me here by accident?" asked Archie.

"Yes," said Mork. "It was all my fault. I was overseeing the observation when things went wrong."

"Wait," said Archie. "What observation? Have you been watching me?"

"We have," said Benko. "I've come to know you quite well."

Archie laughed. "Are you fucking serious?" he asked, still laughing. "You're telling me that you, here, on an alien planet, with that super fancy machine there, have been observing me? What, are you immortal and using me to distract yourselves from an eternity of boredom or something?"

"Our average lifespan is one hundred twenty years," said Benko. "But our two species are nearly identical. Our kind studies yours to learn from you. Archives of your lessons guide our entire society, carrying nearly as much weight as our own histories."

"Okay, so are we in a Star Trek universe where there are a bunch of planets populated by star-faring cultures?" asked Archie.

"We've encountered a few and have traded with one such culture," said Mork. "But that was five hundred years ago."

"Huh," said Archie. "So then, what am I supposed to do here on your planet? Just study quasars or whatever?"

"Do you have an interest in quasars?" asked Yurisa.

"Not especially," said Archie, an idea coming to him. "If you're so advanced, how is your medicine? Can you wave some kind of high tech wand over my head to make my incurable brain condition go away?"

"Your condition is foreign to us," said Mork. "But perhaps we would be able to make progress where your people could not."

"Analysis complete," said one Senior Technician. "Tests point to a vector error coupled with a failure to limit energy intake."

Benko winced. "I'm sure I set vectors and energy correctly," he said. "I'd like to observe the scene."

"First the scan," said Yurisa, moving to reconfigure the observation device. She had everyone remain still for a minute, then looked at a readout on her handset. "Good," she said. "No threats detected. Now, shall we observe the accident?"

Soon, a projection appeared, showing the alcove they occupied. Yurisa worked the controls and the projection refocused on the observation device's controls. Benko was seen to work the controls. Then Mork came along and changed the settings. All eyes were on Mork as the projection vanished.

"You!" said Yurisa. "This was intentional."

"I take full responsibility," said Mork. "My student did nothing wrong, though he has agreed to care for the Earthling."

"But you'll be sent to a monastery," objected Benko, who was still working out the implications of the events unfolding before him.

"That may be," said Mork. "But I consider it an intervention on behalf of both this Earthling and of Motherlings everywhere."

"I knew you were a zealot!" said Yurisa. "How long have you been planning this? Who else is involved?"

"There are more of us than you might imagine," said Mork. "We find the idea of an Earthling living among us promising. And this Earthling here had no importance to his people so we're not depriving them of anything."

"Hey," said Archie defensively. "I'm not important, but I'm well-liked. People will miss me."

"A few will," said Mork. "And many more here on our planet might be grateful for your presence."

"I'm messaging The Administrator now," said Yurisa. "Mork, if you have anything more to say, now's the time."

"Benko, you'll want to secure Archie quarters with space for his belongings," said Mork. "And tell your fellow students exactly what happened here today."

"What did happen here?" asked Benko.

"Don't you understand?" said Mork. "We changed the world."

"By stealing my life," said Archie, who was experiencing several incompatible emotions simultaneously. "Now I'm stuck on an alien planet and I'm getting the impression that I'm somehow part of some grandiose ET plan that makes no sense."

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My First Alien Sunset

When The Administrator arrived with a pair of security officers and learned the facts of the case, Senior Archivist Mork was immediately stripped of all archivist credentials. A bulletin detailing his misbehavior would be included in the next day's government announcements. Given a choice between suffering ongoing public humiliation for his crime and retiring to a monastery, Mork chose to become a monk, as nearly every criminal did. Archie watched in awe as all of this was worked out in a few short minutes.

Leaving the observation alcove in the company of the security officers, Mork met Archie's eyes. "My decision to bring you here to our world was wrong because it took away your freedom," he said. "There is no way I can right that wrong. But after you've become acquainted with our planet, I would like your answer to a question. If the choice to come to Mother had been yours to make, and not mine, would you have made the same choice?"

With Yurisa's help, Benko and Archie loaded Archie's four giant plastic tubs onto a wheeled cart. His dirty, misshapen mattress would be properly disposed of, she assured them. Wheeling the cart out of the enormous building, they proceeded outside, down a street with a trolley but no cars, and into another large building, whose exterior was a thick layer of living plants.

Inside, Benko led Archie to his new living quarters, where small plants grew from the gray walls of unknown composition. Showing Archie the controls for the water and the lights, Benko paused his instruction when the Earthling frowned.

"I get the shower and the sink, but what about pooping?" asked Archie.

"Sorry, I forgot," said Benko. "We use communal pits for our waste. There are stools and water to wash with. But they do it differently where you're from. Our way must seem strange to you."

Archie lit a cigarette. Benko appeared shocked, but said nothing. Blowing smoke up towards an improbably high ceiling, ashing in the sink, Archie tried and failed to wrap his mind around the moment. "Just so we're clear," he said. "I'm not a prisoner? I can come and go as I please?"

"Yes, of course," said Benko. "It would be better if I stayed with you, at first. And probably after that, too, since you'll be so famous."

"Famous?" asked Archie.

"You're the first Earthling on Mother," said Benko. "There are probably thousands of people observing you already. You do understand what that means?"

"Sort of," said Archie. "But do you mean people can see me right now?"

"Anyone who knows your coordinates can use our technology to observe you," said Benko.

"So you people just don't have privacy at all?" said Archie. "That'll definitely take some getting used to. Is there a way to know who exactly is observing?"

"There is not," said Benko. "Do you find that discomforting?"

"Oh my god do you have coffee?" asked Archie.

"Imported from Earth a long time ago," said Benko. "New Oro should be big enough to have a specialty shop that carries it."

"What about money?" asked Archie. "How am I supposed to make money here?"

"That might be a longer conversation," said Benko. "Our economy isn't at all like yours. Labor exchanges are tracked, but only loosely. Most people do jobs that they like. For jobs that nobody likes to do, we take turns, or throw big parties to get them done. Energy, on the other hand, is very closely tracked, as are nonrenewable resources. Labor, energy units, and nonrenewable resources form the basis for our three primary currencies."

"So how would I pay for coffee at that shop you mentioned?" asked Archie.

"The usual way would be to use your handset to enter the payment into the common ledger," said Benko. "Let me see your handset."

Archie held out his arm. Benko worked the controls for a while and then grinned broadly. "Mork had this all planned out," he said. "He created a network account for you and transferred all of his credits to the new account."

"No way!" said Archie.

"This way!" said Benko, misreading the exclamation. "Are you hungry? The greens growing on the walls are all edible. Or if you want something more substantial, there are dewnuts nearby that are in season."

"How do you even know I can eat your food?" asked Archie.

"You're human, like us, with only small differences," said Benko.

"Right, but like, my gut microbiome is adapted to Earth food," said Archie. "And I have food sensitivities."

"There may be an adjustment period," said Benko. "But I can assure you that dewnuts are delicious."

"Fine," said Archie. "I'll try them. Oh, where can I get boiling water for coffee? I've got some grounds and a mug and a strainer, but where do I get the water?"

"Your sink spigot can deliver boiling water," said Benko. "But use caution on that setting."

For the next ten minutes, Archie made coffee in his alien room. This task complete, holding a steaming mug of his favorite beverage, he felt more ready to leave his new room and eat something weird. Following Benko out of the building, Archie noticed a nice park and then realized that that was where they were heading. Arriving to a stand of trees, Benko and Archie joined a crowd of people eating dewnuts from the trees.

They knocked the large fruit down, cracked it open with shaped stones, and distributed its two nuts to the next people in line. Each nut looked like a cross between a walnut and a mushroom, colored yellow. Archie was skeptical upon receiving his dewnut. It was hefty, maybe over a pound, and smelled a little like peanuts. He bit into it expecting the worst and was surprised to discover that it taster like pear, if pear was a nut, with the slightest hint of vanilla.

The sun was setting while they ate. "My first alien sunset," said Archie. "Or is it rising?"

"No, setting," said Benko. "Did you want to return to your room before dark?"

"Doesn't matter," said Archie. "I am slightly feverish. And I'm kinda surprised you haven't made me see a doctor."

"Do you think you should see one?" asked Benko.

"Eventually I'll need to," said Archie. "Like, if the fever gets worse. Plus, I take daily medications and only have a small supply. So that might be a problem."

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The Secret is to Crush the Charred Fruits

The fever got worse. Benko contacted a doctor, who saw Archie and prescribed rest. Archie spent the next several days in bed, getting up only to use the communal waste pits and shower sitting on the floor. When the doctor came again to check on him, she found him inventorying his belongings. "I brought you medicines," she said, confirming that his fever was gone. "Your red pills were easy to replace, as they're made of a mineral common in both our worlds. The green plant you use has long been cultivated on Mother and is the active ingredient in one of our most popular drinks, the bam shake. The brown plant you use is also cultivated here, but only in the Island Territories, and there only for use as a pesticide. And I've confirmed that there are coffee beans available in this city. Your custodian will help you obtain these necessities."

Parsing the translation coming from his handset, Archie frowned. "Thanks," he said. "But what about the blue pills? I'm supposed to take those every day."

"You said that," said the doctor. "But what exactly are they for? In your fever, you couldn't explain it."

"They put me to sleep," said Archie. "I haven't needed them for years, but my doctor on Earth made me keep taking them."

"Our analysis of the compound contained in your blue pills suggests that they're safe only for short term use," said the doctor. "And you say you've been taking them for years? No doctor here would give you more of those. That would be unethical. If you want them, you'll have to hire a chemist to synthesize the compound."

"Got it," said Archie, who only sort of got it. "But like, what about mental health? My baseline is occasionally unbalanced. What if being stranded on an alien planet causes me additional psychological distress?"

The doctor smiled. "My colleagues and I are observing you closely," she said. "Observing an Earthling in modern Motherling habitat is an unprecedented opportunity. If you become sick, we'll help you. I think that you'll find that help to be far less intrusive than the medicine you're used to."

"How comforting," said Archie, whose sarcasm was lost in translation. "But don't you want to maybe draw blood or something?"

"No need," said the doctor. "You should be fine. Summon me if there's a problem."

While Archie was ill, Benko's hands were full with other matters. His teacher Mork was disgraced, so he was now suspect. His unsanctioned intervention on behalf of Glenn Peabody became publicly known, triggering an administrative review of all his activities. Benko's classmates Jili, Natlin, and Kammy were all in similar positions. None lost their archivist credentials, but their discipline lost credibility, making new teachers reluctant to take them on.

These out of favor intervention ethics students began hanging out in a communal lounge. Horner soon joined the group out of sheer curiosity, so there became five students in their club of outcasts. One afternoon, after reading a message on his handset, Benko stood up and looked excited. "The Earthling is feeling better and he wants to procure some coffee beans," he said grandly. "Who wants to come on this outing to the other side of the city?"

The group met Archie at the entrance to his building. "Brought the whole crew, huh?" he said upon seeing them. "So how does this work, exactly? How far are we going?"

"The seller we're going to see is called Earth Coffee and Other Oddities, located in the Entertainment Ward, across town," said Benko. "We'll take a trolley from a nearby station, transfer to a fast trolley, then walk a short distance to the destination."

The trolley was easy enough to figure out. You just grabbed a railing and stepped on as it moved past. The fast trolley was comparably intuitive, but more complex, involving swinging handrails that compensated for kinetic energy imbalances. Archie figured it out, and found the experience exhilarating. There, with fifty Motherlings around him, on a platform floating at a brisk pace through a city that seemed mostly made of plants, he began to accept that this world might really be his new home.

When they arrived at Earth Coffee and Other Oddities, the shopkeeper stood at the door, holding a large metal pot and some kind of device, ready to meet them. "An actual Earthling!" he said. "My name is Arnen. I'm ready to char a batch of coffee berries for you as you watch."

"Archie, nice to meet you," said Archie. "Are those the beans?"

Arnen passed a small handful of beans to Archie for inspection. They looked a bit larger than they should but smelled right. While Archie looked at the beans, the shopkeeper placed the metal pot on the ground a few feet away, wrapped a cord from the device around the pot, then flipped a switch. The pot quickly began to glow red, with great quantities of smoke and the sound of popcorn pouring out of it.

As Archie made sense of what he was seeing, he became agitated. "What in the holy Jesus fuck are you doing?" he demanded. "You're ruining it!"

"The char device is my own invention," said Arnen proudly. "Heats any container of the right composition instantly. The coffee beans should be sufficiently charred now."

"But the coffee!" objected Archie. "It's charcoal! Is there any way you could just sell me green beans? I have a special way I like to roast them."

Arnen appeared crestfallen.

"We would, of course, all like to stay for cups of your coffee," said Benko quickly. "It would very much be our pleasure."

"Excellent," said Arnen, perking right up. "Does your party prefer to remain out here in the gArnen or sit at my table indoors?"

"It's nice out here, but I'd like to see your place," said Archie. "Your other oddities."

"Right this way," said Arnen. "I there an oddity in particular you might be looking for?"

Inside, there were high, transparent shelves in long rows, containing object after object that Archie couldn't identify. Arnen proceeded to make coffee by pulverizing the charred beans in his pot, adding boiling water to this pot, and straining the contents into a large carafe. Sitting on a cushion at a large circular table, Archie took a sip of the cup he was offered and pretended to like it.

"Not what you're used to, but pretty good, yes?" asked Arnen. "The secret is to crush the charred fruits before adding the water."

"Well, it's better than some of the coffee I tried back on Earth," said Archie. "How much for sixty pounds of green beans?"

Arnen looked confused. "Maybe the translator made an error," he said. "Try saying the amount in a different way."

"I don't know, like, twenty-seven kilograms," said Archie.

"That would be nearly twenty percent of my whole year's supply," said Arnen, smiling broadly. "You must be having a joke."

"This amount is what I want," said Archie. "The coffee is an important part of how I manage a medical condition I have. But I realize my request is highly unusual. Is there something I could do for you in exchange for such a great gift?"

Arnen considered it. "I will sell you what you ask for," he said eventually. "You may take half with you, but you must char and consume the other half here, and be gracious to my customers, and answer their questions."

"So you want me to be merchandise in your oddity shop," said Archie. "Will you make me a special shelf, with a comfortable chair on it, and a sign that says Earthling?"

Natlin giggled, having picked up that Archie was joking. Soon, they were all laughing. "Maybe this idea is good," said Arnen. "But you'll be more like theatrical entertainment than merchandise. And authentic Earth coffee from an Earthling might become the best entertainment in the city."

"Okay," said Archie, prepared to make a deal. "The first thing is, coffee beans are roasted, not charred. Also, I'm not keeping a schedule but could maybe do special events. We'll have to work other details out. But yeah, why not?"

"Astonishing!" said Arnen. "Will you stand with me in the doorway for a moment so I can use the coordinates in promotions?"

Standing there, sipping terrible coffee, so that he could be observed enjoying the oddity shop, Archie felt self-conscious in an unfamiliar way. How many Motherlings would see this scene? Five? One hundred? Ten million? A sensation almost like vertigo threatened his composure briefly. Then he added the episode to the list of things he wanted clarification about and moved on.

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A Provisional Entertainment Credential

Leaving the shop with thirty pounds of green coffee beans and a complimentary carafe, Archie and his chaperons returned to the archivist campus. The next day, Kammy helped him construct a coffee roasting apparatus, consisting of a small wastegas burner and a large metal pan. The day after that, Archie got visitors. A man and woman came right into his building and opened his door. "I'm Imbi and this is Gorkin," said the woman. "We're with the Physical Entertainment Group. We understand you've recently agreed to work in physical entertainment."

"I guess I have," said Archie, who'd been grazing on the walls. "But I didn't know there was a group for it."

"We have a standards manual but an Earthling can't be expected to read that," said Gorkin. "So we came here to explain the rules."

"Awesome," said Archie. "I'm an oddity in an oddity shop and now there are new rules to follow."

"Don't your excitement distract you from the lesson," said Imbi. "The first rule is no physical contact until you've agreed to the physical contact rules. Should we go over these?"

It took an hour for the pair to go over all of the rules and answer Archie's questions. Benko arrived halfway through and waited quietly for the lesson to be completed. Eventually, after agreeing to follow the rules that had just been explained to him, Archie was granted a provisional entertainment credential.

"I bring news," said Benko once the pair from PEG was gone. "Have you heard? Shopkeeper Arnen has renamed his shop. The new name is 'Archie of Earth Visiting.'"

"That actually sounds like a terrible name for an oddities shop," said Archie. "I could maybe see it as a Williamsburg garage band."

"What's that?" asked Benko.

"A music group in Brooklyn with classical training that plays experimental rock in garages at night to crowds of drunk pedestrians," said Archie.

"Ahh," said Benko, making a connection. "You're saying that you are the musicians and Arnen operated the garage."

"Basically," said Archie. "The beans I roasted yesterday are rested enough. You up for a trip across town?"

When they arrived to Archie of Earth Visiting, they found a crowd of twenty people lounging in the gArnen outside and twice as many inside the shop. "Make way!" a man called as they approached. "The Earthling has arrived."

As the crowd parted to let Archie through, he noticed something unexpected. The mass of people didn't feel at all unruly. If anything, it was polite. Finding Arnen inside, Archie set about making a pot of coffee with grounds from the beans he'd roasted the previous day. When it was ready, he poured some for Arnen and Benko and himself.

"I'll pay a hundred energy units for the remaining cup!" said a man who'd been standing there watching like everybody else.

"Two hundred!" said a woman.

A contest commenced, and the woman eventually won the coffee for twelve hundred energy units.

"How much is an energy unit again?" asked Archie.

"About three of them make one of your kilowatt hours," said Benko.

"This," said Arnen, having just tried the coffee. "It's amazing! You must show me your secret."

Archie spent the next forty minutes outside, stirring coffee beans while they roasted over a gas flame. While keeping the beans moving with a wooden paddle, Archie explained to Arnen about first and second crack. "Listen closely," he said. "First crack is starting. The beans will crackle."

They listened and the beans crackled. "Perfect," said Archie. "But if they crack again, you're stuck with Italian roast."

Turning off the heat, Archie spread a cloth on the ground and poured the hot coffee beans onto it. "First, they need to cool," he said. "Then they rest for a day. Then they're ready."

"Most marvelous," said Arnen. "It never would have occurred to me to use an open flame."

"Electric heat would work just as well," said Archie. "The important thing is slow, even heating through the first crack, followed by rapid cooling and rest."

"I've been doing it all wrong," said Arnen, considering this. "Fast, uneven heat. Poor cooling and no rest. I'm greatly looking forward to learning what else I've got wrong about Earth."

After slowly reducing his roasting apparatus to a portable bundle, Archie noticed that the woman who'd paid an exorbitant sum for his coffee was studying him with great intensity. "You, uh, want to say something?" he asked.

"I'm Agla and I want to ask you what it's like coming to another world," said Agla. "I've observed your journey here several times and I'm sure you had no idea that something so significant was about to happen. Can you give me some insight into your state of mind?"

Archie laughed. "Honestly, I still don't believe that it's real," he said. "Now, my disbelief has started giving way to just trying to figure out what's going on."

"What are you planning, now that you're here?" asked Agla. "In your study of our world, what is your first priority?"

"Well, my first priority was coffee," said Archie. "Arnen here covered me there, and Benko here is helping with my other top priorities. After that, maybe I'll be more free to explore."

"I'm translating your spy novels into our language," said Agla. "It will be a single volume called 'The Spies of Earth.' Do you plan to study the spies of Mother, as well?"

"You guys have spies?" asked Archie.

"We have Breakaways," said Agla. "People that secretly decide to one day break away from the established order. Like former Senior Archivist Mork, who ignored the rules to bring you here, to Mother."

"Yeah, I'm still not clear on how all of that works," said Archie. "Your observation tech makes spies obsolete. But you think your Breakaways are like my spies? Who do they work for?"

"Not a person," said Agla. "A belief system. They favor increased interaction with the people of Earth."

"Are they very ... popular?" asked Archie.

"Unknown," said Agla. "We don't know who they are until after they've acted."

"Right on," said Archie. "Just so you know, I didn't study spies on Earth. All I did was listen to my uncle's stories and write the best ones down."

"More modest than expected," said Agla.

Benko laughed. "Archie," he said. "If this one is translating your works, it means she probably observed you writing them. And anyone who observed that knows you did far more than transcribe the stories of your uncle."

"Oh," said Archie. "Right. I keep forgetting. Everyone here knows everything about everyone. That takes some getting used to."

"It's not quite that simple," said Benko patiently. "Observation takes time. It would take a whole lifetime to observe even one other complete lifetime. So it is exceedingly unlikely that anyone here knows everything about you, despite your growing popularity."

"I have a question," said a man Archie hadn't noticed before. "You were pulled from your world quite unexpectedly. And yet, once here, you've made no effort to observe your loved ones back on Earth. Why is that?"

"Wait," said Archie, looking at Benko. "I can do that?"

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On Couches Made of Moss

The Outcast Five, as they were now called, brought Archie to an observation alcove and helped him locate the coordinates of the aftermath of his departure from Earth. First, They watched his former roommates discover his absence from the stairwell he'd occupied.

"Fucking Archie," said his former roommate Dave upon taking stock of the scene. "He moves out without even saying anything, but leaves all these little sculptures on the stairs for us to deal with."

"He was never good with people," said Archie's former roommate Allison. "Maybe the figurines are his way of saying goodbye? I think it's nice."

"Did he leave any of his books?" asked Archie's former roommate Alex. "I always meant to read one."

"Doesn't look like it," said Dave. "You could probably buy one online."

"Probably," said Alex, who almost never read, and had never once bought a book online.

When they moved to observing Archie's friend Glenn Peabody, they found him half drunk at a bar, complaining to the bartender about how hard it was to be a writer. They searched and couldn't find any instance of Peabody even mentioning Archie since he'd left.

"So that's great," said Archie. "I mean, I haven't been gone that long. Let's try my family."

Archie's parents had received a call from Dave about Archie's disappearance. They'd told his brother and sister about it, and the whole family convinced themselves that he'd simply moved without telling anyone.

"Well, that's it," said Archie when the Outcast Five could find no further mention of Archie among the people he'd left behind. "Maybe try again next year?"

"Do you know what I think?" asked Horner, picking up on Archie's troubled tone. "I think we should go for bam shakes at the Moss Couches. Should we pull up an observation to see if they're crowded today?"

Archie shrugged acquiescence and they left for their new destination after confirming that it wasn't too crowded. Getting there from the archivist campus involved three trolleys, but no fast trolleys. By the time they arrived to Moss Couches, word of the Earthling's impending visit had apparently spread, because the place was more crowded than expected and the establishment's proprietress was waiting for them, smiling grandly. "Welcome, Archie of Earth!" she said. "I'm Nanana and I've cleared our best couches for your party."

"Bam shakes all around!" said Horner, flopping into a cool soft couch made of improbably thick moss. "If no one objects, I'll pay the energy unit cost for all of them."

The rest of them sank into the vegetative furniture, which smelled like plants and rain and spiderwebs. The couches were even more comfortable than they looked, and Archie was deeply impressed. When his bam shake arrived and he tasted it, he couldn't believe how good it was.

"This was a great idea, Horner," said Kammy. "Archie, what do you think?"

"I think this is the most comfortable couch I've ever sat on," said Archie. "And this shake tasted like the perfect combination of coconut, chai tea, and weed. I mean, bam. But how much bam is in one? Is this going to launch me into outer space?"

"A single shake is mildly intoxicating," explained Benko. "After two, attempting to board a fast trolley is inadvisable. After three, you may end up like that guy."

Looking where Benko was pointing, Archie saw a man covered in dirt, rolling around in the dirt, working on some kind of dirt sculpture consisting of little mounds and trenches, mumbling to himself.

"I'm sure one will be plenty for me," said Archie. "But it normal for people like that to have three and just go off to lala land?"

"There's a rule for it," said Benko. "An establishment must safely accommodate its customers. So that one will be given a meal and place to sleep when the intoxication wears off."

"Well, I think it's offensive," said Jili. "That poor man probably just needs a mate."

"Are you volunteering?" asked Natlin. "Because I personally favor mates that aren't covered in dirt and babbling incoherently."

Listening to this conversation gave Archie an idea. He got up, went over to the dirty man, and introduced himself. They talked in low tones for a minute and then Archie returned to his couch. The Outcast Five looked expectantly at him.

"His name's Ganry," said Archie. "He wasn't as messed up as I thought he'd be. He told me that his wife moved their small children far away, so he can't play with them. But, one day a week, he pretends to be a little kid and plays in the dirt so they can observe him."

"Everything's an act for someone," said Horner.

"Did you get his coordinates to verify that his story is true?" asked Kammy.

"It's true," said Nanana, who'd been hovering nearby. "And I like having him here. It reminds customers that my bam shakes are serious."

As they all talked and finished their drinks, Archie's expression changed. He stopped talking and started looking around as if planning an escape. Only Natlin seemed to notice. "Archie, what is it?" she asked.

"Shit," said Archie, who hadn't been conscious of what was going on until that moment. "A headache attack is about to start. I need strong coffee as soon as possible."

"Two trolleys will get us to Arnen's," said Benko. "Can you travel, or should we see about having the coffee delivered here?"

"Let's go," said Archie, who had started clenching and unclenching his hands involuntarily in response to the increasing intensity of the pain in his head. "Sorry for ruining the outing, guys."

"Please come again soon," said Nanana as their party departed.

Walking down the street, in obvious pain, Archie's left eye scrunched up and started to cry. His nose dripped, and every fifty feet or so he became entirely absorbed in a fit of coughing and shaking. He stumbled, but remained aware enough to navigate the trolleys. When they arrived at Arnen's, Archie waited outside, taking his shoes off and pacing in the gArnen, while Benko fetched a cup of coffee.

Consuming the coffee and asking for another, Archie's pacing and spitting gave way to sitting on the cool ground, rocking back and forth, and spitting less frequently. A crowd of two dozen watched him intently, but respected his need for space. Sipping his second coffee, Archie rolled a spliff and smoked it slowly with a shaking hand. The attack passed in just under an hour, at which point he rose unsteadily to his feet to rejoin the Outcast Five and Arnen, who were sitting nearby.

"Thanks everyone," said Archie, taking a seat. "I guess that was my first cluster headache on an alien planet."

"And my coffee cured it?" asked Arnen.

"It helped," said Archie. "My illness makes the blood vessels in my head dilate, which crushes the contents of my skull from the inside out. Strong coffee constricts the blood vessels, easing the pressure."

"And the coughing and spitting?" asked Horner, who seemed grossed out by the whole episode.

"My crushed sinuses produce excess phlegm," explained Archie. "Some comes out my nose, some gets into my lungs and I cough it out."

"What about breathing the smoke?" asked Jili. "What does that do?"

"The tobacco increases my pain tolerance and the, uh, bam has several benefits," said Archie. "It makes attacks less likely, reduces the severity of the ones that do happen, and greatly reduces the time it takes for me to recover from one."

"Well, I for one am fascinated," said Arnen. "And I'm honored that you chose to come here to display your sickness."

"Fortunately, that was just a mild attack," said Archie. "It's possible that there was an ingredient in the bam shake I had that triggered it. On Earth, there were many common foods that I had to avoid because they were headache triggers. Guess I need to be more careful about that."

"That was mild?" asked Natlin. "How often did this happen on your planet?"

"Sometimes a lot," said Archie. "Multiple times a day, every day for months. Then there would be times when it wouldn't happen at all. The longest I every went without one was eighteen months. And there were entire years where they happened constantly, back before I learned how to manage them effectively."

"But what about your doctors?" asked Horner. "Couldn't they cure you?"

"The origin of the condition is a mystery and there is no known cure," said Archie. "I tried many different medicines but nothing cured me, and some things made the condition worse. One thing that did help, that could be done here, is breathing pure oxygen gas. Benko, what would it take to get a tank of compressed oxygen and a custom gas regulator to put in my room?"

"I'll make inquiries," said Benko. "I'm just relieved to see you back to yourself so quickly."

"No kidding," said Archie.

"How many of these episodes would you say you've had in your entire life?" asked Natlin. "If you had to estimate."

"Over seven thousand," said Archie. "Maybe as many as eight thousand. To be honest, I stopped counting a couple of years ago."

"Seven thousand?" asked Natlin. "And the one we saw was mild? But how do you ... ?"

"I'm not sure what you're asking," said Archie.

"It's just that, here on Mother, if a person is in that much pain that often, they usually choose to end the pain, surrounded by loved ones," said Natlin.

A hint of anger flashed across Archie's face. Too tired from his fading headache to be diplomatic, he scoffed. "Where I'm from, no one cared at all that I was tormented by this affliction," he said. "My life was a living nightmare for many years, and my loved ones just tolerated my condition. I asked for help in every way I could and still almost starved to death more than once because I was ill and couldn't work to earn money like a normal person."

Looking around the table, Archie found that everyone was paying attention, and no one looked uncomfortable, except for maybe Horner. "So to answer your question," Archie went on. "Ending things wasn't a viable option for me in my culture. My loved ones would never have willingly let me go. Plus, death isn't what I wanted. What I wanted was for things to get better, illness or no. My real problem was that I couldn't access the money and the freedom that I needed to improve my quality of life."

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Parts of Varying Vintage

They took their sunset meal of dewnuts and oro sap at Arnen's. Arriving back at the campus after dark, Horner and Kammy left. "What now?" asked Benko. "Are you tired?"

"Not really," said Archie. "What do Motherlings usually do at night?"

"Anything," said Benko. "Want to go look at stars? Visit a factory? Explore the new clothing fashions?"

Archie laughed. "Could we do factory, then stars?" he asked.

"There you are!" said Senior Archivist Yurisa, who was fast approaching on foot. "Benko. Earthling. Have you checked your messages?"

Benko checked his messages while Archie looked on, impassive. "The Physical Entertainment Group?" asked Benko. "This is about PEG?"

"They're asking for a schedule of your anticipated movements," said Yurisa. "Your improvised visit to the Moss Couches caused them some confusion today."

"Archie is free to do as he pleases," said Benko.

"Free to consume a bam shake and then become ill?" asked Yurisa.

"Uh, yes actually," said Archie. "But, now that you mention it, you don't think that's going to reflect negatively on Nanana at all, do you?"

"It might," said Yurisa. "But my primary reason for coming is to seek out your services."

"My ... services?" asked Archie. "As a physical entertainer?"

"As an Earthling," said Yurisa. "You see, I study transworld synchrony. Pattern that defy explanation. Much of what I do involves separating the anomalous from the ordinary. This is easy when observing Motherlings, but my understanding of your species is imperfect."

"Okay," said Archie. "Are you saying you want me to observe weird stuff with you and tell you if it's weird?"

"Precisely," said Yurisa after parsing the question. "Will you help me?"

"Let's try it out and see how it goes," said Archie. "But not tonight. Tonight we're going to visit a factory and then look at stars."

"So, how does this even work?" asked Archie as their party reached the entrance of Small Parts Factory #6 an hour later. "Do we just, like, walk right in?"

"Of course," said Benko. "They messaged me permission. Just try not to get in anybody's way, and follow all instructions promptly."

The area outside the factory was covered in piles of machines and parts of varying vintage. Every so often, a claw or scoop or suction device would descend from scaffolding high above to lift an object up and away to the main building. Inside, they found a vast space teeming with orderly activity. "Come on," said Benko, who was visibly thrilled to be there. "Let's see what they're making right now."

The factory floor was divided into project areas, each containing between four and forty workers. The first such project area they came to had six workers in yellow coveralls. First, a small metal disk was reformed into something resembling a large, flat funnel. The funnel was then etched, drilled, and finished. The last worker hung the finished funnel on a line and dipped it into some kind of liquid coating before putting it on a rack to dry.

"What are those?" asked Archie after watching quietly for a few minutes.

"The pressurized air nozzles for underneath trolleys," said Benko.

"Oh, right," said Archie, who didn't need further explanation. "Cool."

"Over here," said Jili from a short distance away. "They're printing circuits into personal observation device carrying cases."

Archie went over to check it out. There was an assembly line going. A boxy part passed from one workstation to the next, undergoing a new procedure each step of the way. "Are those ... tiny robots?" he asked.

"They are!" said Jili.

Unlike Jili, Archie had no great love for tiny robots. "I'm sorry, did you say personal observation device? Like, you can just use those things outside your alcoves?"

"Of course," said Jili. "Everyone has one but they have high energy expense so they're used sparingly."

"Yurisa said my arrival used up a year's worth of energy," said Archie. "But how much energy is that, really?"

"The archivist campus is a small city," said Jili. "So a year's worth of power for a small city. Maybe one hundred of your megawatt hours."

"Wow," said Archie. "So that's the price of a ticket home."

"It's more complicated than that," said Benko.

"I know I know," said Archie. "It's against the rules. But now I know what it would cost."

Later, under an alien sky overflowing with stars, laying on tall grass that was only a little itchy, Natlin came to lay right next to him. "Do you want to go back to your planet?" she asked. "It's alright if you do."

"You know what?" said Archie. "I feel like I should want to go back. Eventually, people will miss me. Even so, things here are better in many ways. So many ways."

"Has anyone explained our mating protocols?" asked Natlin.

"Benko tried but he kept using himself as an example and it got awkward," said Archie.

"It's very simple," said Natlin, cuddling up to Archie. "One person asks another if they want to mate. If the answer is yes, they mate."

"Makes sense," said Archie. "But your observation devices. Don't they make it so that anyone can observe it?"

"Of course," said Natlin. "I've already observed several of your matings, from when you were back on Earth. On Mother, the custom is to observe first, to increasing the chances of mating success."

"I see," said Archie, who had very mixed feelings about this custom. "But doesn't it feel kinda pervy to observe other people mating?"

"Here, we all watch each other do it," said Natlin. "I know on Earth you have special actors to teach you how it's done. Here, with observation, we all just teach each other."

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The Earthling Special

As time passed, Archie established a routine. He'd wake and eat something, then find Yurisa in the archives and help her code Earthling observation excerpts as anomalous or not for a few hours. She treated him cordially, but without warmth, though she became increasingly amicable as their sessions continued. To Archie, it felt exactly like having a regular job, which he didn't mind, and even enjoyed sometimes.

After work, he'd head to the Entertainment Ward to hang out at Arnen's place, talking to customers and occasionally making coffee. Benko and other members of the Outcast Five typically joined him, though not always. One day, traveling alone on his way to Arnen's, Archie decided to pay the Moss Couches another visit. The place wasn't busy, and Nanana didn't appear happy to see him. "This is a surprise," she said. "Have you come to demand restitution for becoming sick on your last visit?"

For some reason, Archie found her sincere rudeness funny. Fortunately, he didn't laugh. Instead, he inspected the bam shake supplies arrayed on the counter in front of Nanana. "I've come to ask if you'll make me a customized bam shake," he said. "One with only the bam and the nut milk. You see, I have many food sensitivities, but I'm sure those two core ingredients agree with my biology."

Nanana frowned, then whipped up a basic bam shake and handed it to Archie. "If you feel yourself getting sick again," she said. "Please leave my establishment before your symptoms become observable."

"Understood," said Archie. "And thanks."

Finding a small vacant moss couch, Archie lounged in the shade, drinking his shake. Soon, a man on another couch waved to get his attention. "Earthling," said the man. "I was working in Small Parts Factory #6 when you visited. Why didn't you talk to any of us workers when you were there?"

"I guess because you all seemed busy," said Archie, feeling the bam kick in and wondering if Nanana had added extra bam to his shake. "I didn't want to bother anyone. I just wanted to see it."

"Well, what did you think?" asked the man. "You haven't talked about the factory at all since your visit."

The comment reminded Archie of yet another pitfall in a society where everything was observable. "Actually, it was very impressive," he said. "The technology was cool. Most of it was beyond my understanding, but I understood enough. What I found more interesting was the overall mood of the place. The vibe of the workers."

"What is vibe?" asked the man.

"Like the feeling they were giving off," said Archie. "On Earth, I've seen many kinds of workplaces, including factories. Even the best of them always seemed to be a little toxic. Toxic in an emotional or psychological sense, or whatever. But your factory felt nice. Like it was probably a good place to work for everyone involved."

"Yes," said the man, smiling broadly. "People say Small Parts Factory #1 is the best, but I think #6 has the happiest workers."

"So what is it you do there?" asked Archie.

"Many things," said the man. "My favorite job is fishing for raw materials in the garbage piles with the crane."

"Yeah, that did look fun," said Archie.

"If you ever get bored with the archivists and entertainers, come back and I'll teach you how to do it," said the man. "My name's Rander. Want my identifier?"

After lounging and chatting with Rander for another forty minutes, Archie rose and found Nanana. "Thank you again for making me a custom shake," he told her, loud enough for everyone to hear. "It was delicious and it made me feel wonderful."

In fact, the shake had made Archie feel far more intoxicated than he was accustomed to, but he didn't say that. Nanana smiled knowingly. "I'm glad you enjoyed the refreshment," she said. "Perhaps I will call it the Earthling special."

Leaving, Archie tried to remember the way to Arnen's place. He found the first trolley alright, but when he transferred to the second trolley, something seemed off. He soon found himself zipping through a part of the city that looked entirely unfamiliar. Getting off the conveyance, Archie walked off in the direction he'd come, intending to go back and find the correct trolley.

The neighborhood Archie ended up in didn't seem great. Compared to the parts of the city he'd been spending time in, there were fewer plants integrated with the buildings and landscape. Small signs hung from many windows and some of the people appeared shabby. Perhaps owing to the bam, Archie became distracted by an iridescent spider on a large blueish web, suspended between two street signs he couldn't read. After that, he completely forgot which direction he was supposed to be walking.

Finding a small park, Archie sat under a fully harvested dewnut tree to reassess. He knew there was a way to use his handset to get directions, so he spent a few minutes failing to get directions with his handset. Although Archie understood how to send messages, he was too embarrassed about getting lost to message Benko for help. The thought of asking a stranger for directions wasn't comfortable, but it was his best option.

"Hey!" said an approaching woman in excessively patched overalls. "Hey Earthling!"

"Oh hey," said Archie. "Want to stand next to me so people can observe?"

"No dewnuts left on the tree," said the woman, who came to stand next to Archie, placing her hand on his shoulder while he remained seated, so people could observe. "But I just so happen to have some dewnut cakes at my place nearby. You interested?"

"Maybe," said Archie grinning. "And maybe you can help me find my eventual destination. What could possibly go wrong?"

"My name is Ix," said Ix, leading the way. They walked a block and came to a dark doorway with two men on either side of it, playing some sort of game, with small rubber balls and a length of string.

Reminding himself that murder was exceedingly rare on this planet, Archie followed Ix down a hallway and into a small bakery. It was uncomfortably warm, but the smell was incredible. "Wait," he said. "Did you take all the dewnuts in the park to turn them into cakes?"

"Indeed I did," said Ix. "Try one, they're very good."

"What are the other ingredients?" asked Archie. "I like foods that are simple."

"Those ones there are just dewnuts and oro syrup," said Ix.

Forgoing caution, Archie tried one, and it was awesome. "Nice!" he said. "But like, you made these with a public resource and now you're what? Selling them?"

"That's right," said Ix. "Just like your people do it."

"I don't understand," said Archie.

"I'm creating a tragedy of the commons," said Ix. "That's what your money doctors call it, yes? When they create a shortage and then blame everyone else for the shortage?"

"Money doctors?" asked Archie.

"The Motherling language has no name for them," said Ix. "Money doctors, priests with invisible hands, economy directors."

"You mean economists?" asked Archie. "Banking cartels?"

"Maybe the second one," said Ix. "They're the ones that control the distribution of funds and credit in human economies, right?"

"Right," said Archie slowly. "But I mean, how do you know that?"

"I know much about your world," said Ix. "I follow the Founders."

"Right on," said Archie as he ate another cookie. "You mean the Founders from a thousand years ago?"

"They saw that our culture would eventually become stagnant," said Ix. "They taught that the solution would be to adopt the ways of Earth. I believe the time has come to heed their advice, so I created a tragedy of the commons."

"You created a localized food scarcity because that's what they do on Earth," said Archie. "How do your neighbors feel about that?"

"They are inconvenienced," said Ix. "But my observers love it. And your appearance now gives the whole thing credibility."

"Maybe it shouldn't," said Archie. "Your cakes are great. I'm going to keep eating them until you tell me to stop. But taking all of the dewnuts for yourself was a dick move. And the tragedy of the commons is discredited hogwash where I come from. Garrett Hardin, who wrote the original essay, was basically just making stuff up to rationalize cutthroat privatization."

"Truly?" said Ix. "I observed something called a podcast and I distinctly remember them saying the tragedy of the commons was a law of nature."

"Podcasts are unreliable sources of information," said Archie.

"I see," said Ix. "Maybe it was a mistake."

"What makes you think your culture has become stagnant?" asked Archie.

"Have you not seen what we've become?" asked Ix melodramatically. "People idling on the streets or at home, glued to their handsets or observation devices. Many not even working at all, just laying around all day, mating and swimming in intoxication. And what does the government do? Nothing! Their only job is to keep the whole morally degraded system afloat. What about the betterment of Motherlingkind?"

This was too much for Archie. He burst into laughter. "Sorry," he said. "It's just that you're living in paradise and it sounds like you're complaining that things are too good. And morally degraded? Back on Earth, the kinds of people that talk about moral degradation are usually giant assholes, like religious nut jobs and politicians. Thanks for the cakes, but I really must be going."

Archie moved to leave and Ix blocked his way. "You may not know it yet, but you were brought here by a higher power to lead us out of the darkness," she said. "The ways of Earth will save us, and I believe you were sent to us to show us those ways."

"On Earth, misplaced faith in higher powers has led to terrible things," said Archie. "And blocking someone's path is definitely against the rules."

Ix stood aside, suddenly embarrassed. "Yes, of course," she said. "Apologies. It's just that I'm so very passionate about politics. I've been told that my problem is that I love people too much."

"Yeah, that must be your problem," said Archie, leaving the bakery and heading back outside with Ix trailing behind him.

"Please, I've offended you," said Ix as he walked away. "But if you would only accompany me to my Founders Temple, I'm sure we could clear all of this up. The priests and politicians there are so much better at explaining than I am."

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Hoarding Communal Wastegas

There were cars and trucks on the roads of the alien city, but these were few and far between except in the darkest hours of the night. Archie had been told that only the disabled or infirm traveled by car, and even then, only rarely. Leaving the bakery, still trashed on bam, he picked a direction and started walking. Twenty minutes later, he entered a somewhat nicer neighborhood, and found a man leaning against a small motor vehicle that looked like an oversize go cart.

"Excuse me," said Archie.

The man looked up from his handset. "You're the Earthling," said the man, grinning. "I'm Fork. What can I do for you? Need a ride?"

Archie was tired and wanted a ride, but he was also able-bodied, and found the prospect of accepting a car ride embarrassing. "No thanks," he said. "But I am lost. Do you know where a place called Coffee and Other Earth Oddities might be?"

"Ahh," said Fork. "Renamed to Archie of Earth Visiting, you must know. Here, I'll tell you the way."

Half an hour later, Archie walked up to Archie of Earth Visiting, and found the Outcast Five there, sitting in the garden. "I hope you met with no trouble," said Benko. "We expected you some time ago."

"You expected me?" asked Archie. "I left home without any plan at all."

"I observed you at the Moss Couches," said Natlin. "We assumed you'd come here after."

"That's fair," said Archie, pulling a cake from his pocket and nibbling on it. "I got lost on the way. Let me get a coffee and I'll be right back."

Returning with Arnen a moment later, Archie sat and told them about Ix the baker. "Do many people belong to this Founders Temple?" he asked finally.

"There are indeed many who want us to adopt more Earthling ways," said Benko. "But we archivists know better and the decision is largely ours."

"Okay, but how many?" asked Archie. "If one of them can take ownership of public property, what could ten do? Or a thousand?"

"I for one celebrate the ways of Earth," said Arnen. "One foolish woman shouldn't tarnish everyone that follows the Founders."

"Didn't the Founders plunder Earth for resources to win the Century War?" asked Horner.

"For sure," said Kammy, copying one of Archie's signature phrases.

"What exactly do these people believe?" asked Archie.

"That the ways of Earth can remedy our stagnation," said Arnen. "Consider our planet's energy constraints. If we adopted an Earth technique called fracking, we could increase our available energy. But no, the archivists forbid it."

"Fracking?" laughed Archie. "Fracking poisons ecosystems and causes earthquakes. It's not a solution. It's a catastrophe."

"Fracking is very good," said Arnen. "My Temple instructor explained it. Maybe we're talking about different things?"

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Archie wanted to change the subject. "Can just anyone visit the Temple?" he asked. "Could I go talk to your instructor myself?"

"I'm sure he would be honored," said Arnen.

"Be careful with this," said Natlin. "Sometimes you offend people, and causing offense at a Temple is against the rules."

"How against the rules?" asked Archie. "On a scale of one to ten?"

Natlin grinned, but her eyes demanded to be taken seriously. "Five," she said. "About as bad as Benko's unsanctioned intervention on behalf of your friend Glenn Peabody."

"How bad is monk bad?" asked Archie.

"Some choose the monastery over public shame at levels as low as three," said Benko. "For most, it is eight and above."

"That woman Ix, taking all the dewnuts," said Archie. "Where's that on your scale?"

"That all depends on her neighbors," said Benko. "If she harmed them, they will shame her. But she will probably give them baked goods until they forgive her."

"I see," said Archie.

Just then, a man approached their table and stood there looking at Arnen. "Archie," said Arnen eventually. "This is Security Chief Kavennul. I promised him an introduction."

"Security Chief?" said Archie. "Nice to meet you."

"Indeed, it is a pleasure," said Kavennul. "I've come to formally invite you to visit the Entertainment Ward's security office. We can go when you've finished your coffee. It's not far."

Archie was about to refuse when he noticed Benko giving him a look. "Yeah, okay," he said. "Can my friends come too?"

"You may bring your primary custodian," said Kavennul. "I'll wait here until you're ready."

Finishing his coffee, feeling like he might be in some kind of trouble, Archie wished his mind wasn't still clouded by Nanana's bam. When he and Benko rose to leave, everybody else stayed put. "We'll be waiting here until you're back," said Natlin in a reassuring tone.

The Entertainment Ward Security Office was about half a mile away. Kavennul led the way, saying nothing, which added to Archie's nervousness. When they arrived, they found a wide building of metal and stone with some kind of huge net visible on the roof, extending around the structure's entire perimeter. Archie pointed up. "What's that?" he asked. "That net thing?"

"The roofs of security offices are used for competitive sports," explained Benko. "The nets ensure that no projectiles fly out into the city."

"There is strong overlap between security officers and athletes," said Kavennul. "And also frequent need for a security presence at athletic events."

That made as much sense as anything on this planet, Archie decided. Shrugging, he followed the Chief through the doors and into the building. In the entryway sat a large woman behind a large desk. She barely glanced at their party before returning to the display screen in front of her. A few others passed quickly by, absorbed in their own work, all wearing identical jumpsuits with prominent utility belts.

"Right this way," said Kavennul, leading them into a spacious office with an observation device in its center.

Once Benko and Archie were seated, the Chief began showing them clips of observations. Among them were several instances of property damage and a fistfight. The final clip was hard to make out due to low lighting, but in it was a man removing a wastegas container from its connection point on the side of a building and then running away with it.

When the clips had all played, Kavennul glared at Archie. "That's only a small taste of what I've been dealing with here since you arrived," he said.

"Since ... I arrived?" asked Archie.

"More and more, people are copying the ways of Earth," said Kavennul. "Fighting. Stealing. Consuming bam by lighting it on fire and inhaling the fumes. It's madness, I tell you. Madness! And do you know the worst part?"

"The worst part?" said Archie.

"The complaints!" said Kavennul. "As Ward Security Chief, it's my job to hear complaints and respond to them. Since you've arrived, there's been a notable uptick in crime. But there's been an absolute flood of complaints, most of which are petty and unnecessary. There've been over two thousand complaints about you personally."

Archie considered this. "Sorry, did you just say two thousand people have complained to you about me since I was brought to your planet against my will?" he asked.

"About five hundred people have made two thousand complaints against you," clarified Kavennul.

"For what?" asked Archie, trying not to laugh.

"Spitting on the street, failure to acknowledge positive interactions, hoarding communal wastegas for your berry roasting, failure to notify your neighbors that a berry roasting was going to take place, the list goes on and on," said Kavennul. "Already today, there have been complaints that you visited the bakery of a known hoarder and refused the services of a reputable car driver despite being too intoxicated to find your way on your own."

Archie gave up and laughed. "Sorry," he said. "I'm not trying to make light of this. But like, on Earth, these are the kinds of things old ladies complain about to each other. Are you telling me this stuff is police business here? Oh, and I live on the archivist campus, not in the Entertainment Ward, so why would you be getting complaints from my apartment building?"

"When you got your PEG credential, you came under my jurisdiction," explained Kavennul. "Entertainers are held to the highest standards in our society. Your custodian should have explained that to you."

"I explained it," said Benko. "But maybe I wasn't as thorough as I should've been."

"Regardless," said Kavennul. "Something needs to be done. That's why I've brought you here. To tell you I've made an important decision."

"Okay," said Archie, anticipating the worst.

"From here on out, I've decided to route all complaints concerning you directly to your public network profile," said Kavennul.

"You can't be serious," said Benko.

"Pretend I'm from another planet and explain to me what that means," said Archie.

"I was waiting until you could read to show you," said Benko. "The PNP is your electronic political identity. Once information is entered into it, it can never be changed, unlike on other electronic social networks."

"So putting people's complaints about me on there would be bad?" asked Archie.

"Usually only confirmed crimes go there," said Benko, glaring at Kavennul. "But there's no established custom for Earthlings. What if you routed the complaints to me instead?"

"I have to act in the interests of the whole community," said Kavennul. "The alternative would be to assign him a Warden."

"A warden?" asked Archie.

"Remember?" said Benko. "When a serious crime has been committed, and the perpetrator chooses to remain in society as opposed to becoming a monk in a monastery, a Warden is assigned to prevent the criminal from doing more harm. It is most shameful to be supervised by a warden."

"Right, because you don't believe in imprisonment," said Archie, putting it together. "I might have an idea. Will you answer a couple of questions?"

The Chief said nothing. Archie gathered his thoughts. "Initially, you voiced concern that Motherlings had started copying the ways of Earth since I arrived," he said. "Do I understand correctly that you consider that a bad thing?"

"Security only ever hears about it when it's bad," said Kavennul.

"And do you think I somehow have control over any of it?" asked Archie.

"Control or no, you have responsibility," said Kavennul.

"Okay, do you guys have websites?" asked Archie. "I mean, could we make a special place on the electronic network for these complaints about me? Make them publicly accessible, but not on my PNP or whatever?"

"That might satisfy the customers," said Kavennul. "If you also agreed to respond to the complaints."

"I'll respond appropriately, as an Earthling," said Archie after some consideration. "Does that work?"

"I'll agree to try it," said Kavennul. "And I must say, you're not as dull as they said you were."

"This may take some time, you understand," said Benko, who was pleased with the outcome even though he now had to find a technician to create a personal netsite for Archie.

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Exotic Crops of Mouse Island

Mouse Island, shaped like a giant rodent, was the largest island in the Island Territories. The port city of Button wasn't the political center of the Territories, but it was an international commerce hub. Benko and Archie arrived by boat and were greeted at the dock by dignitaries. After spending a night in the city with a dizzying array of locally important persons, they took another, smaller boat to their destination, the only tobacco farm on the planet. The farm was called Earth Delights and a man named Cedret was eagerly awaiting their arrival.

After introductions, Benko and Archie were shown their rooms, then given a brief tour of the farm's many exotic crops. When it came time to eat, they were given tacos, which Archie found impressive.

"How did you get so many plants from Earth?" asked Archie. "These can't all be native."

"As you said," said Cedret. "We got them from Earth."

"Right, but doesn't that take, like, a lot of energy?" asked Archie.

"We have tidal power generation," said Cedret. "Every few years, an energy surplus builds up, and we use this to acquire materials from Earth. The tobacco that we'll be harvesting was brought here about a hundred years ago, from your Virginia. After observing the Earthlings, my ancestor was sure it would catch on here. But it never did. Truth be told, I tried your smoking once when I was young, and I can't believe anyone would ever willingly do such a thing."

"Speaking of the tobacco, were you able to construct the curing enclosure I messaged about?" asked Archie.

"Yes, we've got the ovens all ready to bake the plant as we harvest it," said Cedret. "It seems like a lot of trouble to go through, but your endorsement of our Earth crops is very important to my enterprise."

"Well, your tacos are awesome," said Archie.

"As good as on Earth?" asked Eccu, Cedret's wife.

"Absolutely," said Archie. "Better, even, because of the addition of raspberries."

"See!" said Eccu. "He told me they weren't authentic!"

"The most traditional tacos on Earth would use animal meat and not berries," said Archie. "Only the most inventive chefs would ever dare to use berries."

Archie and Benko spent the next few days harvesting meter-high tobacco leaves and hanging them on racks in the temporary structures Cedret called the ovens. When they were done, they turned the ovens on, gradually raising the temperature over the course of days before tapering the heat off and tying the tobacco into bundles. At this point, Archie took a leaf, shredded it finely, rolled it in a strip of tracing paper, and lit up.

"That works," he said after puffing for a few moments. "Nice!"

"I'm happy to hear it," said Cedret. "So you'll be taking the whole harvest?"

"I'll personally take twelve kilos, with the rest going to Shopkeeper Arnen in the Entertainment Ward of New Oro," said Archie.

"Yes, that's right," said Cedret. "On a personal note, I have a question."

"Okay," said Archie.

"What's your stance on followers of the Founders?" asked Cedret. "At this point, we'd all like to know."

Archie cringed, as he often did when he remembered that he was being observed by an unknown number of aliens. This was one of those moments that Benko had warned him about. A moment observers would go back to again and again. "Honestly?" he said. "I don't know."

Benko breathed a quiet sigh of relief. "Can I try a new cigarette?" he asked, attempting to change the subject.

"Okay, here's the deal," said Archie, to Benko's silent horror. "I've met a couple of Founder followers who were wrong about important things. So wrong that I couldn't even begin to address their misconceptions. At the same time, I'm totally in favor of bringing good things from my planet here. Beyond that, I don't know enough to even have an opinion."

"And what of those that heed the Founders' warnings about complacency and cultural stagnation?" asked Cedret. "Those that want to see our people reach new heights?"

"I say reach for the stars," said Archie. "But like, not literally. For anyone observing, I am in no way endorsing a space program."

Cedret laughed. "Relax!" he said. "I appreciate your candor."

Benko tried his cigarette and found it upsetting. Coughing and waving his hands, he tried another puff and fumbled the maneuver. "When you do it, you're so calm," he said to Archie. "I find it agitates me."

"We've only ever sold it as a pesticide since I took over," said Cedret. "Merely handling the plant can lead to poisoning, thus the protective garb. And you come along and light it on fire to breathe in its toxic fumes. My predecessor knew someone would come along someday to do exactly that. A hundred years ago, he knew!"

"That's cool," said Archie. "You sure you don't want to try?"

"Be warned," said Benko. "It's unpleasant and very addictive."

"Thank you, no," said Cedret. "My memory of trying it in my youth is not a fond one. But getting back to the Founders, have you been observing their lives since you came to Mother? Learning the history of the world that's now yours?"

"Not really," admitted Archie. "I've observed scenes from your Century War, but your history still makes almost no sense to me."

"There's so much to learn, we just haven't had time," said Benko.

"And everything I do learn just raises more questions," said Archie. "Like Founder Brockton. The one that opened a portal into a volcano to keep his city from hitting other cities with chemical weapons. He killed half a million of his own people to prevent them from killing hundreds of millions, right?"

"Essentially," said Cedret. "He sacrificed himself and his city to save his enemies."

"So I get the message," said Archie. "But did everyone in his city willingly sacrifice themselves for the greater good?"

"Founder Brockton made the hard choice for all of them, so they wouldn't have to," said Cedret. "And he took this great burden on willingly."

"And Founder Gumlin?" asked Archie. "He was the visionary behind your system of planetary governance, which has maintained peace for a thousand years. But he also copied some Earth rulers of his era by maintaining a harem of slave-wives. Gumlin may have been one of the best statesman ever to live, but some of his slave-wives were children. In the country I come from, we have important historical figures who evidence this same contradiction. They were fair and benevolent, yet they mated with child slaves. And ours were only three hundred years in the past, not a thousand."

"Ahh," said Cedret. "That's one of the best parts of Founder Gumlin's story. It's true that Motherlings were bought, sold, and owned during the Century War. And sexual maturity was considered equal to biological reproductive ability so some were mating at a younger age. In his era, Gumlin's mating behavior was perfectively average for a person of stature. Even so, he saw the inherent unfairness in slavery. So on his deathbed, Founder Gumlin set all of his slaves free."

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Night Dance at the Temple

The journey back to New Oro involved two uneventful passenger boat rides and a long, bumpy train ride. On the train, looking out the window, Archie saw forests give way to vast patches of prairie, where uncountable herds of large mammals could occasionally be spotted. The next day, they passed the mile wide Love River and eventually reached the city's densely-farmed outskirts. The whole time, at Benko's insistence, Archie had been making favorable comments about everything he saw, to entertain anyone who might be observing. He disliked doing things purely for the benefit of unseen alien observers, but he made the comments anyway.

Their arrival in New Oro was unceremonious. Burdened by his giant bundle of tobacco, Archie nearly fell while exiting a fast trolley, which amused Benko. Back at the campus of the archivists, they had their sunset meal of goof fruit and retired to their respective quarters. The next morning, much too early for Archie, Imbi and Gorkin from PEG showed up outside his room.

"You know what this is about," said Imbi.

Archie had no idea. "Want coffee?" he asked.

"You failed to secure our travel credential before journeying to other lands," said Gorkin. "Explain yourself."

"I guess I didn't know that was a thing?" said Archie.

"We went over it with you," said Imbi. "Did you ever consider how it would look for us when you disregarded our explanation of your responsibilities?"

"No, I never considered that," said Archie. "But I mean, you're here, so you must be doing a good job."

"Save your entertainment for your patrons," said Gorkin. "We're here to tell you that your provisional entertainer credential will remain provisional for an additional year."

"Oh come on," objected Archie, who didn't know what that meant, and secretly didn't care.

"Next time, you'll think twice before messing with us," said Imbi. "PEG always finds out."

After PEG left, Archie fell back asleep. He dreamed of Earth and woke with a plan. It was time to visit a Temple. Benko didn't like this plan. Natlin liked it enough to tag along. By the time the three of them arrived at the city's largest Temple, a crowd was gathered there in anticipation of their arrival.

Senior Priest Dolil greeted them at the door. "Pleased you've finally honored us with a visit," he said.

"Yeah, well, priests where I'm from molest children," said Archie. "You want to give me a tour or something?"

A woman in stately robes came up and stood by Dolil. "Senior Politician Xalia," she said. "I'm so glad to meet you, Earthling."

They toured the Temple's observation alcoves and debate stages. Leaving the meditation spaces alone, they proceeded to the Temple's administrative wing. Archie was surprised that it had an administrative wing.

"Wait, so you mean, that's the government?" asked Archie as he began making sense of what he was seeing.

"Only for the city and surrounding area," said Xalia. "Each municipal service has its own offices, of course."

"Benko explained it to me, but I forgot how it works," said Archie. "Everyone just says their votes on a certain day, then sends the coordinates to you?"

"Just so," said Xalia. "And in dangerous moments, they send me out to talk with people before trouble starts."

"Trouble?" said Archie.

"You must know what I'm referring to," said Xalia. "The whole country is holding its breath in anticipation of it."

Archie could see that Benko and Natlin both knew what she was talking about. "Guys?" he asked. "What am I missing here?"

"On the network, many are asking if you're starting your own political Faction," said Benko. "Or if you'll endorse the followers of the Founders."

"If you do the first, you'll have my support," said Xalia.

"And mine," said Dolil. "But you'll need close advisors with expertise in our system."

"Really, there's no better way to take responsibility for all the problems your arrival has caused," said Xalia.

Crap, thought Archie. "All I ever did on Earth was write three spy novels that didn't sell," he said. "Here on Mother, I'm an entertainer with a provisional credential. And I can't be held responsible for the choices of others. Just being an Earthling doesn't make me responsible for anything."

"We had hoped, at the very least, to convince you to study the Founders here, within our structure," said Dolil. "Some followers of the Founders are taking things out of context and twisting history until it supports their most radical perspectives."

"Sounds about right," said Archie. "I guess I could do history lessons when I'm not helping Senior Archivist Yurisa or entertaining at Shopkeeper Arnen's place."

"And the followers of the Founders?" asked Xalia. "You've been interacting with some prominent ones. Shopkeeper Arnen. Farmer Cedret of Mouse Island. Both famously Earth-obsessed."

"Who else would've had the things I wanted from my home planet?" asked Archie. "Sure, they're a bit ... libertarian, but they're great guys. The business they do seems fair and their politics are none of my business."

"Interesting," said Xalia. "I'd have thought an Earthling would be more politically-minded."

"Seriously?" said Archie. "Politics on Earth are a total disaster. And I'm pretty sure they always have been."

"In addition to studying history, we would be honored if you would come here to the Temple at least once for the Night Dance," said Dolil. "The custom is to participate at least once a week, but you seem to have taken up the archivist habit of avoiding the ceremony."

"I go once a week," said Natlin. "I could bring him."

"Night Dance?" said Archie.

"An hour of music and synchronized movement," explained Dolil. "Holding the Night Dance is one of the Temple's most important functions. The ceremony connects people to one another at the somatic as well as psychological level. It is evolved spirituality embodied."

"So you want me to study your scriptures and come to church," said Archie. "I guess I'm willing to try it, but you should expect me to do a bunch of stuff that's totally offensive."

"Naturally," said Xalia.

The next evening, an hour after sunset, Archie arrived to the Temple with Natlin, ready for the Night Dance. She had explained the particulars on the way, and when they arrived to the dance hall, there were hundreds of people waiting for the ceremony to begin. The crowd was arranged in concentric circles around drummers and other musicians sitting at some sort of stringed instrument. At the appointed time, with no announcements, the music began and the crowd began dancing.

The moves of the dance weren't complicated. There were a few varieties of arm waves, some stomping, and a twisty undulation of the whole body. Although getting the moves right was important, it was more important to keep good time with your neighbors. Archie's first attempt at the Night Dance was passable, and Natlin embraced him when it was over. "You did great!" she said.

They left the hall and paused outside the Temple. "That was way better than the church my parents brought me to as a kid back on Earth," said Archie.

"Whatever your problems, a Night Dance will make them less burdensome," said Natlin. "None of the other archivists ever want to come with me. I'm so glad you liked it."

Senior Politician Xalia found them on the Temple stairs. "You participated," she said to Archie. "How splendid. Now everyone can observe you respecting out traditional ceremonies instead of indulging in the archaic rituals of the followers of the Founders. Did your experience produce any unique insights?"

"I felt like the ceremony ... made sense," said Archie. "I don't know how else to put it."

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Ceremonial Table Filled with Drugs

Several weeks later, sipping coffee at Arnen's with the Outcast Five, Archie was approached by a rattled-looking hunchback named Danpin, there on behalf of the New Founders Temple, which was apparently different from the Founders Temple. After introductions were complete, Danpin spoke to Archie but kept glancing at Kammy's bosom. "Some time ago, Baker Ix suggested you visit our Temple, but you never did," he said. "Why is that?"

"I guess I figured the Temples were all the same?" said Archie.

"Ours is the Temple for followers of the Founders," said Danpin. "We don't merely observe ceremonies, we help followers unlock the vast potential of their most true selves."

"Right on," said Archie, who noticed Natlin looking uncomfortable. "How exactly does that work?"

"We use methods from Earth, which you're no doubt familiar with," said Danpin. "Our most powerful ritual begins tonight and lasts up to three days. I've come to invite you to be our guest of honor."

Archie was about to flatly refuse, but he caught a glimpse of Arnen hovering nearby and became aware that Arnen was probably behind the whole thing. "Uhh, I'm going to need more information before I commit to anything," he said.

"As Senior Priest, my role in the ritual is to lead participants through an inward journey of self-discovery," said Danpin. "You will choose from our assortment of spiritual medicines, most Earthly in origin, and learn the sacred wisdom that these teachers carry. When your journey is complete, you and the other participants will integrate the lessons you've learned by sitting in a circle and talking about your feelings."

"An inward journey of self-discovery," said Archie slowly. "That sounds great, but my medication regime is pretty strict. I can't really be taking anything new."

"Ahh, I see," said Danpin. "Don't worry, you can participate at any level you feel comfortable with."

"Does that mean I can come by and check it out, but leave whenever I want?" asked Archie.

"Certainly, though staying for the whole experience is strongly recommended," said Danpin.

That night, arriving to the New Founders Temple at the scheduled time, Archie did his best to appear neutral for anyone who happened to be observing. Natlin did likewise, though she was having a harder time masking her unhappiness with the situation. "I'm only here because you asked me to come," she told Archie for the third time as they entered the Temple.

Inside, they found Danpin on a small stage surrounded by three dozen others. Archie recognized Arnen and Ix among them. Moving to the edge of the crowd, they waited quietly, not wanting to socialize.

"Our honored Earthling guest has arrived," bellowed Danpin. "Please, allow me to introduce the ritual's selection of incredible Earth medicines, formulated by our best chemists from countless hours of observation, according to Earth standards."

Arnen looked back, catching Archie's eye, and his intensity made Archie feel awkward.

"The newest addition to our selection is called fentanyl," announced Danpin. "Be warned, this one is completely lethal at doses above what is recommended. Next we have bath salts, guaranteed to show you other worlds. Then there's crystal meth, which can make boredom itself feel profound. After that, we've got the tried and true formulations of ketamine, ecstasy, LSD, DMT, and gamma hydroxybutyrate. Please don't administer these medicines yourselves. The other priests and I are here to serve you."

"Fentanyl and bath salts," said Archie. "Great."

"And for those just coming to us for the first time," continued Danpin. "We offer a light room and a dark room for you to explore. I'll be leading guided meditations in the dark room. Priest Jorro will be leading them in the light room. Now, please be silent while we sound the bell twenty-three times."

Suffering through the endless tinging of what looked like a standard Earth triangle, Archie took Natlin's hand. He did it without thinking, but she didn't shake it off. Instead, she gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. When the bell tolled for the last time, they stayed put while everyone else moved quickly to the long ceremonial table filled with drugs.

Arnen approached after a minute. "I'm so happy you made it to our Temple," he said. "I'm about to embark on a sacred journey with bath salts."

Archie laughed. "I'm so happy for you," he said.

"Maybe I'll try bath salts," said Natlin.

"I can't tell if you're kidding," said Archie. "But like, if you're going to try something, ketamine and ecstasy are probably the safest."

"Have you tried all these medicines?" asked Natlin as they drifted over to the ceremonial table.

"Not all of them," said Archie. "But someone's totally going to die if they're serving up fentanyl."

"What is it?" asked Natlin.

"A synthetic painkiller that no one in their right mind would deliberately take," said Archie.

"Sometimes you must lose your mind to truly find it," said Danpin. "Archie of Earth, if you would indulge me, I've just received a parcel from your friend Farmer Cedret in the south. A new Earth medicine he's been working on. The quantity I received is insufficient to share with the broader congregation. But I was hoping you'd accompany me to my office and help me authenticate the medicine. Your custodian is of course invited to partake."

"Uhh, I guess," said Archie.

When the congregation had been drugged, Archie and Natlin followed Danpin into a lavish office. There, the priest removed a small bundle from a shelf and looked at Archie expectantly.

"So what are we talking about here?" asked Archie.

"I'm curious if you can identify it without me saying what it is," said Danpin, unfolding the bundle.

"Looks like an eight ball of crack to me," said Archie. "When you burn it, does it smell sweet, a little like burnt sugar?"

Placing a crumb of the substance on a heating device, Danpin inhaled the smoke from it. "Like sugar, but numbing," he said after exhaling. "Your expertise is most appreciated. You are both most welcome to inhale some."

"No thanks," said Archie. "And I recommend you be very careful with it. Crack is very addictive and can damage the brain."

"You are indeed most wise," said the priest, who proceeded to smoke crack alone for the next several minutes. "If you'll excuse me, I must go guide my flock," he said, leaving Archie and Natlin alone in his office.

"So that happened," said Archie. "Hey, you okay?"

Natlin's pupils were beginning to dilate and she was softly tapping her foot, which was unusual.

"Okay, what did you take?" asked Archie as the meaning of this sunk in.

"Ecstasy," said Natlin. "You said it was safe."

Archie laughed. "Guess that makes me your babysitter," he said. "Have no fear, I've done this before."

"What's it like?" asked Natlin. "I don't know why I took it. I just wanted to fit in."

"On Earth, some people take it to dance all night, but for others it's a tool for healing psychological trauma," said Archie. "If the substance was pure and the dose was appropriate, drink plenty of water and you'll be fine."

"You just reminded me!" said Natlin. "I still haven't shown you the fountain at Water Park. It's the best water in the city. Want to go?"

Looking around the priest's office, the faint odor of crack still detectable, Archie shrugged. "Okay, but don't I have to make the rounds to show people I'm respecting their beliefs or whatever?" he asked. "How about we do that and then make our pilgrimage to the fountain."

"Can I just keep sitting on this comfortable chair for a while?" asked Natlin.

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The Fountain at Water Park

By the time Archie and Natlin set off for the fountain at Water Park, the Temple was filled with all manner of lunacy. Arnen was scribbling on the walls of the light room with a stylus while Priest Jorro tried to wake someone who might have been overdosing. Senior Priest Danpin was bellowing a rant in the dark room that could be heard throughout the building. On their way out, Archie noticed Baker Ix licking a wall, and not the kind of wall with edible plants growing from it.

Taking in a great gulp of crisp night air, Archie felt immensely relieved to be outside. "Onward, to the fountain," he said.

Natlin led the way, through broad streets and winding passages, across the city. Every so often, she broke into laughter or hummed a few measures of a musical tune. After eighty minutes of this, they came to a tiny park with a conventional looking public water fountain in it. Archie tried not to look unimpressed. Then he drank from the fountain and it blew his mind.

"The water," said Archie. "It's so cold and perfect."

"I know!" said Natlin. "It comes from a deep well. Most water in the city comes from the river, but not this fountain."

"That's really cool," said Archie. "So, where are we, exactly?"

"The geographical center!" said Natlin. "The city was built around this fountain after Old Oro was destroyed in the War."

"Are you saying this fountain is a thousand years old?" asked Archie.

"The well is that old," said Natlin. "It's our city's greatest treasure."

"Hidden in plain sight," said Archie.

"Hidden?" said Natlin sharply. "Nothing on Mother or Earth is hidden. Everything is observed."

"It ... sounds like you might have more to say about that," said Archie.

"I just wonder what it would be like to not always feel observed," said Natlin. "To live in a world where not every lie is eventually uncovered. Where people could couple without an audience."

"I've always wondered if that bothered you," said Archie.

"Do you know what bothers me more?" asked Natlin. "Horner and Kammy are mating. Jili and Benko are mating, even though he'd rather mate with me. But who are you mating with? And who is always spending time with you?"

Feeling foolish and embarrassed, Archie hugged Natlin. "I like where this is headed," he said. "And there's no one I'd rather mate with. I just don't know the rules. Actually, I'm pretty sure we're just making them up as we go along."

"You're my Earthling," said Natlin. "Mine."

It took them two hours to hike through the city back to the archivist campus. They showered and slept in Archie's room, then mated when they woke up. Archie had just finished preparing morning coffee when Benko arrived. "Have you looked at the network?" he demanded. "Checked your messages?"

"How about you tell me what's up," said Archie. "Coffee?"

"Yes to coffee," said Benko. "The thing that is up is your spiritual pilgrimage to the fountain at Water Park. On the network, the followers of the Founders are claiming you blessed their ritual, while the Founders Temple is calling the ritual an act of collective depravity that you obviously disapproved of. It falls on you to clarify the situation without offending either party."

"Archie and I are mating," said Natlin. "Is the matter so urgent?"

"No, it's fine, I'll respond," said Archie. "Neither temple was serving clean, cold water, so we went to the fountain and found something amazing. Each other. Put that on your network."

"Done," said Benko after fiddling with his handset. "And congratulations on a successful pairing."

"Thanks," said Natlin. Archie didn't know what to say.

"I observed some of the mating before coming here," said Benko. "You appeared very connected."

"Get out!" said Natlin, laughing.

"Ahh, a world without privacy," said Archie as Benko left.

Later, walking through the archives and then passing through the city on the way to Arnen's, Archie found strangers staring and grinning everywhere he went. The whole city knew his intimate business. Natlin didn't seem to mind. She just smiled and waved when people stared. The rest of the Outcast Five were likewise having fun with it.

Shopkeeper Arnen looked weary when he met their party at what had become their usual table. "Fantastic ritual last night, right?" he said.

"Did you learn deep spiritual truths on bath salts?" asked Archie, confident his sarcasm would be lost in translation.

"Indeed I did," said Arnen. "And Senior Priest Danpin preached for hours and hours about the wise ways of Earth and your blessing of his crack."

"He preached that I blessed his crack?" asked Archie. "Is that the same as saying that his crack appeared authentic?"

"I'll admit to feeling slightly unwell today," said Arnen. "And yet, I feel I have a new resolve. A new way forward. Profit. The system only works if everyone seeks maximum profit. The sacred bath salts have shown me what I must do."

"That's cool," said Archie, who didn't think it was cool. "But like, what exactly are you talking about?"

"Fully unlocking my true potential," said Arnen. "Becoming the god within. My god within is a god of profit, a spirit of buying low and selling high to keep the world in proper balance."

"You'd give any Earth capitalist a run for their money," said Archie, though he knew that Arnen was quaint compared with Earth's oligarchs.

"Thanks," said Arnen. "Perhaps you can help me with a minor problem I'm having. I bought Farmer Cedret's entire tobacco harvest and no one wants to smoke."

"I'm smoking right now," said Archie. "And what about that guy?" he asked, pointing to a random smoking man seated across the room.

"That's Teth," said Arnen. "He does everything from Earth. But what about the rest of them? Most won't even try it."

"I tried and found it upsetting," said Benko.

"I tried and felt sick," said Natlin.

"Maybe try selling the tobacco leaves as decorative ornaments?" suggested Archie.

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Mating with an Earthling

The cold season in New Oro wasn't that bad. Archie spent the winter fulfilling his increasingly long list of obligations. Among other things, he was obliged to go through a endless list of complaints about him on his netsite. Archie read each complaint aloud, then responded to it verbally and posted the observation coordinates on the site.

"Worker Xerann is offended that I haven't visited Small Parts Factory #1," said Archie. "My response is that I'll visit if I ever have cause to."

"Administrator Clowed complains that my presentation at a Night Dance was insufficiently refined," said Archie. "My response is that I'm from another planet and don't even know what that means."

"Entertainer Farnell complains that my physical entertainment has become so popular that he now feels he has to copy my mannerisms in order to keep audiences engaged," said Archie. "What do I even say to that? My response is deal with it."

Archie initially loathed addressing these complaints. Over time, however, he learned to have fun with them. When the weather warmed up and his reading proficiency advanced, making the nuances of the complaints more apparent, he became more daring with his responses.

"Shopkeeper Nanana complains, yet again, that I'm not visiting her Moss Couches as often as she'd like," said Archie. "Come on, Nanana. You know I love you. But sitting on moss outside in the winter just isn't my thing. Now that it's warm again, you can expect to see me more often."

"Oh, here's one from Archivist Jili," said Archie. "She says I demand too much of Archivist Benko's attention." Chuckling, pausing to get his thoughts together, Archie continued. "Jili, I do demand too much of Benko's attention. But this complaint is from a month ago and you never said anything to me about it. We see each other all the time. Why didn't you just come to me in person?"

As Archie posted the final coordinates with his handset, Benko and Jili arrived to his room. "Come on," said Benko. "Everyone is already gathered. Natlin's presentation is about to begin."

Following the couple, Archie derived a small satisFaction from not telling Jili about his recent response to her complaint. Arriving to the auditorium and finding a seat, he was looking forward to Natlin's presentation. She'd been working on it for several weeks at least, sharing bits and pieces with him, and now he'd see what the whole thing was all about.

Taking the stage in the center of the room, modifying the lights to focus the audience's attention on her and the observed scene projection space, Natlin waited for quiet and introduced her project. It was titled, 'Mating with an Earthling: Sharing Love with the Lesser Race.' Archie couldn't believe it.

For the next two hours, Natlin walked the audience through scenes from Archie's life. The first part was all about the hardships and isolation he endured on Earth. A montage of his medical problems, poverty, and generally wretched state was set to something like elevator music. Then there was a montage of his initial difficulty fitting in on Mother, which got the audience laughing. Then there was their famous pilgrimage to the fountain at Water Park, and the mating which followed. Finally, there were scenes from Archie's current life, showing the audience that he was now happy to be fitting in better.

"The question I'll leave you with is this," said Natlin when it was over. "Archie the Earthling was rejected by his own kind, yet we embraced him, and he's flourishing. I embraced him and now he's my mate. The question is, would any Earthling flourish here, or is there something special about Archie? I think you know my answer, but I want to know what you think."

"Fascinating presentation," said Senior Archivist Yurisa. "Do you consider it a statement in defense of former Senior Archivist Mork's unsanctioned intervention?"

"The negative impacts of his intervention are well documented," said Natlin carefully. "But the event also gave us an unprecedented opportunity to see the positive effect that Motherling society could have on an Earthling. That's worth acknowledging."

"Don't you feel like you're betraying your own kind by mating with one of them?" asked Junior Archivist Ogg. "And one prone to fits of illness at that?"

"Entertainer Archie is an excellent mate," said Natlin. "Perhaps my presentation made you feel insecure about your own prospects?"

"My prospects are great," said Ogg defensively.

"The question does raise an important point," said Senior Archivist Nodding. "By mating with the Earthling, you've undone hundreds of years of archivist tradition. Are you saying you reject our traditions?"

"Now hold on," said Archie, who had had just about enough of this. "Your tradition was always to observe Earth, taking what you wanted when it suited you, never helping my people no matter how easily you could have. Then Senior Archivist Mork broke the rules by trying to actually help me and he got in trouble for it. Everyone else here, my mate included, has done their best to deal with the consequences, mostly by being kind to and accepting of me. So like, if your tradition is to be dicks to Earthlings, maybe it's time for a change."

Natlin smiled at Archie. "Senior Archivist Nodding, did you see the scenes in my presentation of Archie learning to read and studying history at the Temple?" she asked. "He and I both clearly respect Motherling tradition. What I question, now, openly, is whether to treat him as an exceptional Earthling, or to consider the possibility that other Earthlings might be just as worthy of our love, even if they are and always remain a world away."

"You're perilously close to transgression," said Nodding. "But you studied under Mork, so that's to be expected. Tread carefully in the future."

Archie left as soon as he could. He exited the building and lit a cigarette, sitting down a little stone bench. "What the fuck just happened?" he asked, not caring if he was being observed.

A young man riding a bike stopped when he saw Archie. "Earthling, I'm Garn," he said. "May I stand next to you for observation?"

"Go nuts," said Archie.

"I'm an apprentice botanist and a follower of the Founders," said Garn.

"Great," said Archie. "Didn't someone die at one of your ceremonies last month?"

"Sadly, he didn't follow the guidelines as recommended," said Garn. "But we learn from his sacrifice. Now, a Senior Priest must administer the fentanyl."

Recalling Senior Priest Danpin, Archie processed the information. "Okay, but did you ever consider just not doing fentanyl? That stuff is the worst. It's deadly. As you know. So why not stop?"

"You think I should stop?" asked Garn. "I'll stop. Thank you for the lesson."

As Garn rode away, Archie's thoughts returned to the fact that a crowd of people had just watched him have sex. They clapped afterwards and there was no booing, so it wasn't a worst case scenario. But it was in that ballpark.

Natlin definitely had not made the exact nature of her presentation clear beforehand. In hindsight, Archie could see a few instances where he'd been maneuvered away from the truth while they'd been discussing it. She'd used him and he hadn't realized it was happening until too late. Now, the details of his sexual proclivities were preserved for posterity in the archives. Scores of people had observed the presentation intently. And it was all his girlfriend's fault.

Not knowing what else to do, Archie made his way to Arnen's shop. Arnen wasn't in. The place was empty except for Teth. Archie made coffee and bummed Teth a cigarette. They sat in silence for several minutes, then started talking.

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Observation Angles Masterfully Crafted

In Arnen's empty museum of oddities, Archie and Teth talked and smoked. Teth actually liked smoking, which was unusual for a Motherling. He also had no profession, preferring to loaf around all day doing nothing, aspiring only to be more like the people of Earth, spending what little money he had on observing the Earthlings.

"That sounds like a great honor," said Teth when Archie told him about Natlin's revealing presentation. "Shouldn't you be with her now, celebrating?"

"Probably," said Archie. "But I feel all fucked up about it, so I don't know. On Earth, what she did would be considered a major violation."

"Interesting," said Teth. "But you have so many instructional videos for mating. I always assumed you also made videos documenting mating success."

"Not really how that works," said Archie. "And anyway, the part I'm mad about isn't the video, it's that she didn't tell me what she was going to do beforehand, even though it was all about me."

"You know what I want to know more about?" asked Teth. "You're from the America, right? In your great war of the kingdoms, why did the dragon queen destroy the city she intended to occupy and rule?"

Archie laughed. "Uh, that was fiction, not history," he said. "But the answer is that she was mad with power, which ran in her family."

"Of course!" said Teth. "But fiction? It looked as real as any observation. Tell me, did you really have an orange ruler who presided over the shutdown of your land and the burning of your cities, or was that fiction as well?"

"No, that happened," said Archie. "How about you tell me something about you?"

"Well, I'm the first bis in my family since the Century war," said Teth.

"Bis?" asked Archie.

"In my case I mate with other males," said Teth.

"So you're gay?" asked Archie.

"I'm bis, not gay," said Teth patiently. "That can mean many things. Anything other than conventional male female pairings. My gender is bis, not male or female, but people are free to see me however they like, and most assume I'm male because of my anatomy."

"Right on," said Archie. "I had no idea. You'd think someone would have told me."

"Only one in a hundred of us are bis," said Teth. "Fewer outside the city. We rarely come up in conversation. Still, I would've thought Arnen would've told you. He lets me hang around without buying anything because I'm bis. He thinks bis is Earthly."

"I see," said Archie. "So we're both the atmosphere around here."

"Careful how you phrase that," said Teth. "I don't have a PEG credential. So while you entertain, I merely occupy space."

"That's cool," said Archie. "Uh oh."

Natlin had just walked in and she looked mad. Archie stood up, meeting her at the door then heading out into the garden. "Congratulations on your presentation," he said as he walked by.

There was a chill in the air, but they sat anyway. "Your congratulations didn't seem sincere," said Natlin.

"Why didn't you tell me you were going to do that?" asked Archie.

"I wanted it to be a surprise!" said Natlin. "Didn't you like it?"

"It was just so ... intimate," said Archie. "On Earth, where I'm from, what you did is a crime. You didn't ask me if you could use my image in that way. I know things are different here and I accept that, but I still feel hurt by it."

"Aww, Earthling," said Natlin. "I'm sorry you feel hurt."

"You called me a lesser race," said Archie.

"In technical language, that's what you are," said Natlin. "It's not bad."

"It sounds pretty bad from where I'm sitting," said Archie. "Only the worst sorts of people talk like that where I'm from."

"Stop being so sensitive," said Natlin. "The translator is probably translating our terminology wrong."

"Yeah, I'm sure that's it," said Archie.

"And I'm sure everyone is still gathered at Thirst, watching the presentation again," said Natlin. "Come back with me?"

For a moment, Archie froze. There was so much wrong with this that he couldn't keep it all straight. But what was he going to do? Talk to Teth all night? "Fine," he said. "But I'm still mad."

Everyone at Thirst cheered when they arrived, having just watched a projection of them mating. Natlin reveled in the praise. Archie felt like he was losing his grip on reality.

"This will make you the most observed couple in the city," said Horner, handing them each a drink. "Maybe the country."

"You think?" asked Natlin. "But it's so academic."

"I've seen it twice and could watch it again," said Horner. "Your observation angles were masterfully crafted."

Archie sipped his oro sap and refrained from punching Horner in the face. "Masterfully crafted, yes," he said agreeably.

"Thank you," said Natlin. "I couldn't have done it without Archie."

"Excellent mating Archie," said Horner. "Parts of it made me forget that you're an Earthling."

"Yeah, sometimes I forget that, too," said Archie.

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How to Cope with Being Observed

The Century War began with the invention of observation technology. Prior to the war, the planet had been comprised of nation states. Once these nation states became capable of observing their neighbors, they all immediately went to war. Within nations, there was turmoil and unrest as privacy vanished, and all manner of previously hidden activity was revealed.

The part that brought Archie to the New Oro Century War Museum was this popular response to the disappearance of privacy. He was having a hard time coping with his own loss of privacy. The knowledge that he'd been observed while living on Earth still felt shocking. And now there was basically a hit movie about his mating habits out there on his new home planet.

"Okay," said Archie. "So what exactly did people do when they became aware of the implications of observation tech?"

"Different things," said Senior Archivist Ronnt, who operated the museum. "There were destructive rampages, electronic conflicts, and rearrangement of governments."

"Ha!" said Archie. "I just found out about observation technology. Which one of those should I do?"

"Those things produced a hundred years of war," said Ronnt. "I recommend you chart a different course, especially given your influence."

"My influence?" asked Archie. "I feel like I'm in a zoo and you don't even know what that is because you don't have zoos here."

"As you say," said Ronnt. "But if you do launch a new political Faction, you'd have my support."

"You do know I can barely read your language," said Archie. "And I don't know the first thing about Temple intrigue. How does that qualify me to launch a Faction or whatever?"

"Though you play an entertainer, Yurisa tells me you're already a skilled archivist," said Ronnt. "Your journey to the fountain at Water Park is an inspiration to many. And your deft handling of competing Temples impressed all observers. Politics would be a natural next step."

"Fine, I'll think about it," said Archie. "But seriously, isn't there anything you can tell me about how to cope with being observed? Something from history?"

"Maybe consider the magic of it," said Ronnt. "Focus on observing, not on being observed."

"Right on," said Archie. "What did the Founders think about it? Anything?"

"They established a religion based on the technology ," said Ronnt. "To them, the drawbacks of observation were dwarfed by its benefits. It may take you some time to come to the same conclusion."

"My rational mind understands that," said Archie. "It's just that there's this primal fear of being watched by an unseen predator that I can't seem to shake."

"Ahh yes," said Ronnt. "At the beginning of the War, they called that the doolies. The condition disappeared as the first generation to grow up with observation technology came of age. You see, the doolies was caused by cultural programming being poorly matched to the technological environment. So it's unlikely that your fear is truly primal. You are simply adapted to a different environment than the one you inhabit. Give it time."

"So there was no cure for the doolies?" asked Archie.

"No cure that I recall," said Ronnt. "There were a variety of treatments employed to manage the condition. Wait a moment and I'll access the record."

Archie waited, browsing display cases containing everyday objects that were a thousand years old. Apparently, Motherlings used to have cell phones that were worn around the neck. Their fashion was bold and flashy. And their personal weapons were terrifying for how innocuous they looked.

"Here we are," said Ronnt eventually. "Treatment for the doolies varied. In the early days, a variety of experimental pharmacological remedies were tried, but most of these did more harm than good. After extensive study of the doolies, the standard recommended treatment became bam and rest."

"Bam and rest," said Archie. "Thanks, you've been very helpful."

Returning to his room, Archie considered matters. He thought about calling his doctor, but Doctor Pruei would just tell him to get more rest and maybe consume more bam. Archie's paper notebook caught his eye. He was about to reach for it when someone entered his room. "Agla, was it?" he asked.

"Archie of Earth, have you seen the news?" asked Agla. "Spies of Earth is the most read book."

"That's cool," said Archie. "Are you selling it?"

"I'm an entertainer," said Agla. "Like you but not physical. Popularity adds to my AE score. Yours too."

"My AE score?" asked Archie.

"Attention exposure?" said Agla. "You don't know what that is? How are you even calculating E rates?"

"Let's say I'm not," said Archie. "How bad would that be? Also, what's an E rate?"

"Endorsement," said Agla, taking a seat next to Archie on the bed. "Your custodian must've set your rates. I can show you the data."

Archie held his arm out so Agla could manipulate his handset. She worked the controls and made a noise to indicate that she was finished. Archie looked at the display. "What does this mean?" he asked.

"That's your base rate, in energy units, for endorsing a product or service," said Agla. "Looks like your custodian set this up correctly."

"Huh," said Archie. "That seems high."

"It's the highest there is," said Agla, "And the book is giving me a major boost."

"Great," said Archie.

"Have you given much thought to where you'll be directing your excess funds?" asked Agla.

"My ... excess funds?" asked Archie.

"Everybody's waiting eagerly to see if you'll use the funds to launch a new political Faction," said Agla.

Natlin entered just then. "Well, will you?" she asked.

"I just found out that I have the doolies," said Archie. "That means I've got a headache disorder, a mood disorder, and the doolies. What kind of Faction would it even be?"

Agla stood. "You've got my support," she said. "But I mostly came here to ask you to review Spies of Earth."

"That might take a while," said Archie. "I'm still learning your language. But I'll give it a try."

"Oh, and would you mind visiting Baker Frent in the Industrial Ward?" asked Agla. "I owe Frent a favor and a visit from you would satisfy that."

"Fine, and you'll owe me one," said Archie.

"The doolies?" asked Natlin once Agla was gone. "No one's had the doolies since the start of the War."

"It doesn't mean much," said Archie. "Just that I'm freaked out about always being observed. Which isn't news or anything."

"You're an Earthling on a new planet," said Natlin. "Your discomfort is perfectly natural."

"Thanks for saying that," said Archie.

"If you start a Faction that favors increased interventions, maybe you could help more Earthlings," said Natlin.

"You too?" asked Archie, putting pieces together. "Wait, are you behind this? You and the other intervention ethics archivists?"

"Not us alone," said Natlin. "Senior Priest Dolil and Senior Politician Xalia are the true force behind the idea."

"And you think I should do it?" asked Archie.

"Only if you want to," said Natlin. "It could be a lot of fun."

"I have so much to do as it is," said Archie. "Where would I find the time?"

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The Faction for Considered Ethics

Getting to the bottom of his finances with Benko's help, Archie learned that he was fabulously wealthy, though most of that was considered excess wealth, which was customarily given away. Noting the number of energy units he had, Archie realized that he technically had nearly enough to power a return trip to Earth. He also realized that he had no desire to return to Earth, where he'd been a nobody that lived in a stairwell.

Archie tried to give his excess wealth to the archives to make up for what they'd lost due to his arrival, but the archives refused the funds. He then attempted to find social problems to throw money at, but Motherling society had long ago solved most of those problems. Eventually, Archie gave up and set a meeting with Senior Priest Dolil and Senior Politician Xalia. As usual, Benko came along.

"So let's do it," said Archie, wanting to get down to business right away. "This new Faction, how do I make that happen?"

"There are many considerations," said Dolil.

"Have you decided on a representative?" asked Xalia.

"Okay, here's what I'm thinking," said Archie. "We create an energy fund to balance the cost of potential interventions and you two handle everything."

"That's perfect!" said Xalia. "But what should we call the Faction?"

"How about Earth First?" suggested Dolil.

"What about something more like the Compassion Faction?" asked Archie.

They eventually settled on Faction for Considered Ethics, one of Benko's ideas. Afterwards, Archie and Benko proceeded directly to Senior Archivist Ronnt, to enlist him in the service of their new Faction. Then they met the rest of the Outcast Five at Arnen's to figure out their next move.

"The energy fund is clever," said Natlin. "Keeps the focus on ethics, not economics."

"You won't get away with this!" said Senior Priest Danpin, approaching their table and squeezing himself into a seat. "First, you command my followers to stop using the holy sacrament fentanyl. And now you've started a Faction without me?"

Mirth played across Archie's features but his composure held. "I can tell that you're serious," he said. "Would you like to be part of our Faction?"

"I should think my experience observing the wandering monks of Earth would be most useful to the venture," said Danpin.

"The wandering monks of Earth?" asked Archie.

"Yes, of course," said Danpin. "They're in all the large cities and some rural areas. They sleep wherever they happen to be and commune with the spirits using sacred medicines."

"These monks," said Archie. "Are they also beggars?"

"So it would seem," said Danpin. "How else could they be supported after renouncing the material world?"

"Right on," said Archie, who didn't feel like explaining the Earth issue of homelessness to a clueless Motherling. "Why don't you write a briefing paper on the topic?"

"An excellent idea!" said Danpin.

"Did you read my briefing paper on the ethics of intervening at the technological but not personal level?" asked Kammy.

"I read it," said Jili. "But I favor personal interventions. They make a bigger difference."

"That's not necessarily better," said Kammy.

"One could argue that minimizing disruption is paramount," added Horner.

"It's more than that, though," said Natlin. "And more than a math problem. Some costs and benefits can't be measured. We rely on machine intelligence for many things, but never to decide whether an intervention is warranted."

"My intervention on behalf of Glenn Peabody was informed by technical considerations, but the choice was all mine," said Benko. "That means that I could be held responsible for the intervention. Me. A person. Not a program."

"This raises the question of who deserves an intervention," said Danpin. "I've generated a list of potential candidates."

"Thanks, uh, just send it to Benko," said Archie.

"I've created a repository for intervention candidate information," clarified Benko. "And I've just sent the netsite data to the whole Faction. Senior Priest Danpin, I'm adding you now."

For some reason, Archie was reminded of a recently-acquired obligation. "Do you know what I find helpful in meetings like this?" he asked, holding up a notepad. "Standard pads of paper and pens from Paper Company #3. They're perfect for taking notes and doodling small pictures. Recyclable at any stationary hub."

Using his handset to send the coordinates of his endorsement to Paper Company #3, Archie looked around and saw that he still had the group's attention. "You know who I think deserves an intervention?" he said. "The people of Earth. Like, maybe all of them. But for sure the Outlings."

"How do you mean?" asked Natlin, who wished her mate had shared this idea more privately before bringing it to the group.

"Outlings?" asked Danpin.

"An archivist designation," said Benko. "Outlings are Earthlings kept outside their social order by other Earthlings."

"I've studied enough Earth to know about racism," said Danpin. "Not to mention how they treat their bis. To say nothing of their wandering monks."

"Think instead of the ones that try and try but always fail because their social ecology has been programmed by the collective unconscious to thwart their potential," said Benko. "They can be of any color or gender or religious status, and experience prejudices associated with these things, but their Outling status is separately determined by an archivist tool."

An archivist tool developed by former Senior Archivist Mork, thought Benko. "More detailed information on the Outlings is customarily restricted to archivists," he said.

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The Cabins at Big Rabbit

Since arriving to Mother, Archie had occasionally found himself without important little odds and ends. So he began commissioning the fabrication of these odds and ends through his friend Rander at Small Parts Factory #6. First was a refillable lighter that ran on wastegas. Next was a dedicated translation device to free his handset from the job. Then there was a specialized oxygen flow regulator for his headache treatments. Then there was a mounted coffee grinder and a hand-powered espresso machine, which were installed at Arnen's shop.

Archie's latest commission was a modified handset attached to a display screen. With little skill at composing lengthy messages in his head like a Motherling, Archie hoped to use the device like a laptop, but he was still in the process of figuring the thing out. "How long until we have to leave?" he asked after hours at the task.

"Not long," said Natlin. "I think you're going to love the Common Lands."

Soon after, each carrying a large pack, they boarded a trolley, then a train. The train carried them a hundred miles out of the city, to a town called Nexus on the north bank of the Love River. Nexus was the last town before central government ended and The Commons began. Natlin led Archie to a massive wooden structure at the intersection of two stone roads. Confusingly, this building was also called The Commons.

"They'll be able to show us the way," said Natlin, pulling Archie into the building. Inside, they found a cavernous space, dimly lit, filled with long tables covered in stuff, and with people trading the stuff. "Information is this way."

Arriving at the information broker, they found a bis Natlin recognized as Kippy standing before a display screen at some kind of podium. "What can I help you with today?" asked Kippy.

"You quit the archivists to work here?" asked Natlin.

"Are you visiting me or do you want information?" asked Kippy.

"Can't it be both?" asked Natlin. "We're looking for a quiet spot nearby to recreate for several days."

"Two dots," said Kippy.

"One," said Natlin, removing a small cylinder of compressed hydrogen from a purse.

"Fine," said Kippy, accepting the dot, working the controls on the podium. "There's a place for you two miles away, northwest, on the edge of the scrub lands. Sending the location to your handsets."

"Does it have a well?" asked Natlin.

"There are five shelters there with a shared well," said Kippy. "Oro sappers use it in season. Based on last observation, only a few people are up there now."

"Great," said Natlin. "If you get bored, you should stop by for a meal."

Leaving the kiosk, Natlin checked the info she'd just received on her handset while Archie wandered through the building, looking at all of the wares on display. There was clothing and books and musical instruments and things he didn't recognize. One table was piled high with huge smoked fish, wrapped in paper. "Want a fish?" asked Natlin, catching up.

The fish monger's ears perked up.

"Maybe a smaller one?" said Archie. "Actually, let's check out the nuts first."

"One small fish, coming up!" said the fish monger, tossing sixteen inches of smoked orange fish Archie's way. "Three dots!"

"Two dots," said Natlin. "Fish Monger ... ?"

"Fish Monger Wex," said Wex. "Wait, you're the Earthling. Two dots for the Earthling!"

Wandering through the bazaar, the fish tucked under an arm, Archie came upon a table filled with something resembling juggling toys. On this table was a large wooden dish containing small, bead-filled cloth bags. Picking one of these up, Archie tested its weight and estimated its durability.

"You are Entertainer Archie," said the merchant. "Your reputation precedes you. I'm General Merchant Guloo. Thinking of learning to juggle? My practice bags are the best around."

"That's cool," said Archie. "Back on Earth, I played a sport called hacky sack with bags like this. Mind if I try?"

"Please, but if you soil a bag, you must buy a set," said Guloo. "Two dots. Or a product endorsement."

Archie laughed, then dropped the bag, catching it on his foot before it hit the floor. "This works," he said, kicking the bag up and over his shoulder, returning it back up over his shoulder the other way with a blind kick behind him. "Perfect," he said, catching the object. "This feels right. But are they durable? Waterproof? Two dots seems like kind of a lot."

Natlin gave Archie a look and handed Guloo two dots. As they walked away, Archie wondered why she hadn't wanted to haggle. "It's impolite to haggle with commercial suppliers," she said, answering his question. "As an entertainer, you shouldn't haggle with merchants that provision your occupation."

They hiked from The Commons to their destination. Leaving the stone road after a quarter mile, they made their way up a wide footpath that led uphill, through the forest. After a mile or so, the forest gave way to something like prairie, filled with grasses and shrubs, broken up here and thee by stands of short, dense trees.

"Here it is," said Natlin, when they came to a wooden signpost marking another footpath. "Big Rabbit. Let's see what shape the cabins at Big Rabbit are in."

As it turned out, Big Rabbit was five small cabins surrounding a central, covered cooking area, situated in a stand of huge hardwoods. Two of the cabins appeared occupied, and Natlin investigated the other three while Archie located the well. While taking a drink, a naked couple exited one of the cabins and proceeded to start cutting up vegetables in the cooking area. They waved and Archie waved back with the fish, which they seemed to find delightful.

"All set," called Natlin from one cabin's doorway.

Making his way into the place, Archie found a single room with a bed, a small table with two chairs, and an empty cupboard which Natlin was beginning to place items. "Cool," he said, placing the fish on the table.

"Not there," said Natlin. "Use the food box," she said, pointing to a large chest on the floor under the cupboard. "We don't want every creature in The Commons nibbling on our food."

"Makes sense," said Archie, following instructions. "So like, is this a nudist retreat? I just saw another couple, and they were totally naked."

"Do what you like, but I'm staying clothed until we get to the sulfur pools," said Natlin. "Surprise! There are sulfur pools to soak in, less than half a mile away."

Archie had known that there were hot springs in the region, but hadn't associated them with this trip until that moment. "Awesome," he said. "Just awesome."

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Singing in the Shower

News from the Tropical Subcontinent rarely concerned Archie. But one day, he heard something that made his heart skip a beat. Rogue archivists in the city of Loorin brought another Earthling to the planet Mother using an observation device. The development etched tension into Archie's forehead. What did it mean? He needed more information.

Digging into the details, Archie learned that this new Earthling was apparently selected for her success in academia and business. Nina Wells was her name. With Benko's help, Archie observed her arrival and the events that followed. What he saw was very different from his own arrival.

Wells had been at work when they took her. She'd been at work, in the bathroom, standing in front of a mirror. One minute she was fixing her makeup, the next she was falling into another world. Landing sideways on the observation alcove floor, Wells unsteadily got to her feet, looking around. "Someone tell me what's happening," she said.

"We have brought you to a new world, at great cost to ourselves," said an archivist through a translation device. "Now you are free to practice your art."

"No way," said Wells. "Just, no. How do I get back?"

"I'm afraid that's impossible," said the archivist. "But we will do everything we can to accommodate you here on Mother, our planet. Compared to your Earth, our world is a paradise."

"You have got to be kidding me!" said Wells. "What the actual fuck?"

From there, Wells berated the archivists until they were taken away by security people for having broken the rules. She followed them through an alien building and out into an alien city. Archie felt strange, observing the moment with Benko. "They totally took her against her will," he said. "How long ago was this? And what was that about her art?"

"Eight days," said Benko. "And she is a singer, though only in secret when she was on Earth. The rogue archivists brought her here to blossom, musically."

"Benko, no offense, but I can't handle you people sometimes," said Archie. "Jesus, does she know about me?"

"We can assume she will learn of you," said Benko. "You think she'll want to talk?"

"Probably," said Archie. "The energy fund. We should offer her the power to return home. We've got way more than enough to spare."

"What if we gave it more time?" asked Benko. "Ask the Faction leaders where they stand."

Three weeks later, Archie received a voice call from Nina Wells. "So are you really from Earth, too?" she asked after introductions.

"The states," said Archie. "Been here for a couple of years."

"I'm Australian," said Nina. "I was working in Singapore until they nabbed me. But you probably know all that. Watching me with their crazy technology."

"I watched your arrival and that's all," said Archie. "I did hear that you're a singer."

"In the shower!" said Nina, exasperated. "All that time, singing in the shower, I had an audience! These Motherlings. I can't even handle that, and there's so, so much more."

"Yeah," said Archie. "Listen, I've been talking with some people and we could maybe supply the power you'd need for a return trip to Earth."

"Why would I want to go back?" asked Nina. "This place is amazing. Sure, Singapore has better mass transit but we're in a world that hasn't had a war in a thousand years. Everywhere I go, people offer me fruit and ask me to sing. And the archives. They're amazing."

"So you're not calling about returning to Earth?" asked Archie.

"Nah," said Nina. "I'm calling to ask for your endorsement. I'm exploring a Faction for Considered Ethics here in Loorin."

"Right on," said Archie. "To be honest, I don't know how any of that works. I can talk to my people about it, though."

"Sounds good," said Nina. "I still can't believe it, you know. An alien utopia."

Natlin entered the room, hearing part of the call. "Greetings from Junior Archivist Natlin, Nina of Earth," she said.

"Greetings back," said Nina. "I plan to travel the world soon. Shall we arrange a meeting?"

"Sure," said Archie. "Do you have a custodian? Maybe yours and mine could talk?"

"Custodian, ha!" said Nina. "I'm just wandering around alone figuring stuff out. There's an archivist that's been unusually helpful in getting my situation sorted."

"Well, have them call my custodian Benko," said Archie.

"Sing a few lines for us?" asked Natlin.

"Fine," said Nina, singing the first verse of an Earth pop song.

"Thanks," said Natlin. "Hope you come visit soon."

When the call was ended, Archie looked at Natlin, unsure of how to feel. "Pretty crazy, huh?" he said.

"She sang for me," said Natlin. "When do you think she'll visit?"

"It's cute that you're so excited," said Archie.

"Aren't you?" asked Natlin. "Another Earthling!"

"Honestly, I'm a little weirded out," said Archie. "Like, what if she'd arrived and freaked out instead of loving it here? You can't just kidnap people and expect everything to be alright."

"It's not kidnapping," said Natlin. "It's rescue from a sick world where everything is wrong."

"Right, but you're not exactly asking permission," said Archie.

"If someone was on fire, I wouldn't stop to ask permission before putting it out," said Natlin.

"You're probably right," said Archie, doing his best to prevent the conversation from escalating into an argument.

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Extreme Exotic Pets

Nina Wells never came to visit. Nor did she start a new Faction. She instead got sucked into the Loorin archives, becoming obsessed with observing scenes from Earth to the exclusion of all else. While this was happening, rogue archivists in the Island Territories were hatching a plan to bring their own Earthling into the world.

While Archie had been selected for abduction because of how generally pathetic he was and Nina had been selected for musical reasons, this new Earthling was chosen by the Mouse Island archivists as a social science experiment. Hank Sorty embodied several traits that had long been absent from Motherling society. The thinking was to introduce these traits back into society in limited form to stimulate progress in some vague sense. So the archivists of Button conspired to free Hank Sorty from prison on Earth and set him loose on Mother.

After these rogue archivists were banished to a monastery, Farmer Cedret volunteered to become the new Earthling's custodian. Shortly thereafter, he called Archie. "Have you heard the good news about Hank Sorty?" he asked. "I'm his custodian."

"Great," said Archie.

"It is great," said Cedret. "But I do fear he's adapting poorly."

"Okay," said Archie.

"When he got here, he took over my bedroom and started sleeping in my bed," said Cedret. "Then he found my store of wine and he's been consuming it without even offering to share. He's also been inspecting different parts of my operation without supervision. When confronted about this behavior, he becomes aggressive, even growling like an animal at one point. I can send you the coordinates to see for yourself."

"Umm, that all sounds like territorial behavior," said Archie. "Maybe try giving him some territory of his own and a job he can stand."

"Interesting," said Cedret. "I'd forgotten how important territory is to Earthling psychology. Would you be willing to talk to him yourself?"

"Fine," said Archie.

"Archie? Hank," said Hank. "His majesty tells me that you're from Earth, too. He also says that I'm having trouble adjusting. But how the fuck do you adjust to something like this? Am I right?"

"For sure," said Archie. "The hardest part for me was realizing that absolutely everything was and is observable. Have you wrapped your head around that one yet?"

"I guess, but their cameras can't be everywhere," said Hank.

"Not cameras," said Archie. "Advanced alien observation technology. Your entire history on Earth. This conversation right now. They can and do see it all."

"No way," said Hank.

"Ask Cedret to show you," said Archie. "Which reminds me. Why are you being such a dick to Cedret?"

"Dude acts like he owns me," said Hank. "But I could own him."

"Has anybody explained to you what happens when you get in trouble here?" asked Archie. "You get sent to a monastery to do the same thing every day forever. Or they assign you a warden, which is like a cop that follows you around, everywhere you go, making sure you don't cause any trouble."

"Shit," said Hank. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Maybe try to follow the rules?" said Archie. "Within those rules, maybe try having some fun. Hit the nightlife in Button. Meet some people. See what happens."

"So you're saying think bigger than Cedret," said Hank. "I get you."

"You are one of only three Earthlings on the entire planet," said Archie. "Whether you know it or not, there are people with designs on you. They'll give you anything you want if you learn to play their game."

"How many people on this planet?" asked Hank.

"Three billion," said Archie.

"So we're like extreme exotic pets to these people," said Hank.

"Basically," said Archie. "But lots of things here are better than on Earth. Like, most things. If we're exotic pets, at least we're exotic pets in paradise."

"Paradise?" said Hank. "I can't even get a real drink here. Not a whiskey. Not even a beer. There's just weak fruity wine."

"Yeah, you might have to distill your own liquor if you can't find a specialty shop," said Archie. "I'm sure Cedret would love to help you with that."

"Huh," said Hank. "So what about you? I guess you're some kind of big shot here. What kind of setup do you have up there in New Oro?"

Archie cringed. "You know, it's not so bad for me," he said. "I've got a little room in the archives and spend most of my time staying on top of my civic obligations. Doing business deals, going to church, stuff like that." There, he thought, maybe that'll keep him away.

"Right, but what about the ladies?" asked Hank.

"I have a mate and we're very happy," said Archie. "If that's your priority, you should definitely do like I said and get off the farm. Go party in Button. See who you meet. If you ask around, you might even find a place that serves liquor."

"How am I supposed to pay for that?" asked Hank.

"Didn't anyone explain to you how the economy works here?" asked Archie.

"Sort of," said Hank. "I just know it's all digital, through these handsets. But how to pay for drinks at a bar? I have no idea."

"You really don't," said Archie. "Just go to a bar, find the owner, say you're the new Earthling, and you'll be able to drink for free all night. Remember, you're the VIP."

"No shit?" said Hank. "Guess I'll try that. I'll call again when I have more questions."

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An Opportunity to Reform

Two weeks later, at a dive bar in Button, Hank got into a fight and knocked a man unconscious. The authorities tried to send the Earthling to a monastery, but he chose to remain in society with a warden instead. From then on, Hank's every move was tracked and judged by Warden Hilla, who was the toughest looking Motherling Archie had ever seen. Following these developments, observing the drama of Hank Sorty became the new pastime of archivists everywhere.

Archie and the Outcast Five became addicted to this drama like everybody else. For such a peaceful society, the violence was over the top. After a month, they'd seen Hank punch several walls and lose a wrestling match with Warden Hilla. The Earthling's scandalous love life was even more exciting. He would go to a public place and systematically ask all of the females if they wanted to mate until one said yes. Sometimes females from previous liaisons would show up wanting to talk, leading to awkward and upsetting interactions.

Shopkeeper Arnen was obsessed with Hank Sorty and traveled south to meet him. It was a pilgrimage of sorts, led by Senior Priest Danpin. Although they invited Archie, he chose to remain in New Oro. From the archives in New Oro, Archie and the Outcast Five watched the pilgrims arrive and proceed to organize a New Founders Temple ritual in one of Cedret's barns.

During this ritual, they all smoked bath salts and huffed toluene. Danpin treated Hank like he was some kind of messiah, asking question after question between bursts of incoherent babble. Arnen asked Hank how to be more manly, using the English word because the Motherling term had different implications. Answering this question, high on bath salts and toluene, Hank delivered a rambling speech on several unrelated topics.

"I really hate that guy," said Archie, observing the scene.

"The followers of the Founders worship him," said Natlin.

"Shit," said Archie. "Most of us watch because it's entertaining. You never know what he'll do next. But those guys actually take him seriously. Arnen takes him seriously. How can I take Arnen seriously knowing that?"

Natlin laughed. "You never took Arnen seriously," she said.

"Fair point," said Archie. "But what if Arnen convinces Hank to come visit us up here? That could ruin everything."

"Oh, he doesn't seem that bad," said Natlin. "Rough around the edges, maybe. But how much harm could he really do, with Warden Hilla on the case."

"Toxic fuckers like him are a big part of what made my world a dystopia," said Archie. "Maybe they didn't cause Earth's problems, but they're a product of those problems, and their whole way of being guaranteed that those problems could never be solved."

"But what if coming here changes things for Hank?" asked Natlin. "What if all he needs is love?"

"You've seen how he treats the females that give him love," said Archie. "And we've all seen how Hank ended up locked up on Earth. He beat up an old lady to steal her car. The guy's not some tragically misunderstood figure. He's a scumbag too fucked up to ever get better."

"I find it fascinating that he pretends to be intelligent when he's obviously very stupid," said Horner.

"He's like an average factory worker or soldier," said Jili. "I've observed both extensively, and he's a lot like them. Only, he seems to have a problem with authority and impulse control. It's like he wants to be the boss of people, but only to feel important by bossing others around."

"I just had a funny thought," said Benko. "Hank's type is in some ways the opposite of the Outlings. Outlings try and try to fit in, but society has no place for them. Hank's type is perfectly adapted for manual labor and routine tasks, which there's great demand for, yet they will seemingly do anything to avoid fitting into their natural place in the order of things."

"Sounds about right," said Archie. "Where it gets sticky is when the natural order of things is unsustainable and needs to change, which is definitely the case on Earth. I can't fault anyone for rejecting that order. Even if I do totally disapprove of the manner in which this order is rejected, like I do with Hank."

"So which is it?" asked Natlin. "Is Hank a hopeless case or will our planet's ways give him an opportunity to reform?"

Archie returned his attention to the scene they were observing. Danpin and Arnen were both laying on the ground, pawing at each other's faces and huffing chemicals from a small metal bowl. Hank watched them, waiting until their incapacitation appeared complete. Then he went through both of their pockets, and, finding no valuables, he threw the objects he did find across the barn in disgust. Warden Hilla, accustomed by now to Hank's ways, merely noted the coordinates of her ward's infraction and shook her head.

"Uhh, this is how Hank is using his great opportunity to reform," said Archie. "He found himself freed from imprisonment, in paradise, with everything he could ever want at his fingertips. And his response to this opportunity has been to just keep being a selfish dick."

"So you think he's hopeless?" asked Natlin.

"Honestly, I don't believe anyone is completely hopeless," said Archie. "Anyone can change, even someone as far gone as Hank. But will he change? I doubt it. He's too narcissistic to ever even admit that he's got a problem."

"Is there a way we could intervene to improve his odds?" asked Natlin.

"I'm curious about your history," said Archie. "Were there ever people like Hank on Mother? How did you deal with them?"

"You'd have to go back to the Century War to find them," said Kammy. "They'd have all died out before the lasting peace began."

"Died out?" asked Archie.

"By the end of the War, there were many who had known great hardship and became antisocial as a result," said Kammy. "Everyone like that was sent to live in the Midlands. Refugees and the antisocial. They created a new order among themselves that conformed to the global system. Their descendants still live there."

"The Midlands?" asked Archie, who knew next to nothing about the region. "You think there might be someone there who could help with Hank?"

"Possibly," said Jili. "I studied their mating habits extensively. I'll ask my contacts about it."

"Maybe we could do a trip there," said Natlin. "Archie's never been there and neither have I."

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The Head Archivist at War's End

The Midlands was a vast expanse of arid highlands separating the Subcontinents. The region was self-sufficient and of low international importance. Its largest city was War's End, named for the end of the Century War. The oldest part of War's End predated the War, having been carved into a mile-high cliff. The modern city still made use of this ancient construction.

Looking out over War's End from a window set into dense stone, Archie stopped to take in the view.

"Come on," said Natlin. "Remember, this is their Head Archivist. You've never met a Head Archivist."

"Fine," said Archie, wishing he was elsewhere.

By the time they reached their destination, passing through stone corridor after stone corridor, Archie was lost. Playing it cool, he just nodded when introduced to Head Archivist Wuut. Then Natlin poked him and he remembered what he was supposed to say. "You favor us with your invitation," he said.

"The New Oro archives sends greetings," said Natlin.

"Good," said Wuut. "Do you know why I invited you here?"

"Beyond getting a look at a real live Earthling?" asked Archie. "Thinking about kidnapping one for yourself?"

Wuut chuckled. "Not exactly," she said. "This Hank Sorty business has gone too far. People are starting to call him a prophet. He has to be stopped."

"So you called us?" asked Archie. "Does that mean you have some kind of plan?"

"Yes, but I'll need your help," said Wuut.

"Can you send him back to Earth?" asked Archie.

"Doubtful," said Wuut. "But our plan that might be as effective."

"What's your plan?" asked Archie.

"We want to make him the mayor of War's End," said Wuut.

"You have mayors in the Midlands?" asked Archie.

"No, but it's doubtful Hank Sorty knows that," said Wuut. "We'll give him a house and a car and an office, as well as a small staff that will pretend as if he's in charge."

"That's brilliant," said Natlin.

"Maybe," said Archie thoughtfully. "Kinda seems like your plan could backfire, though."

"Yes, well, the alternative is assassination," said Wuut. "Here in the Midlands, given our history, we're not opposed to that, but only as a last resort. Hence the plan to make him Mayor Sorty."

"Huh," said Archie. "I thought you were part of the global system?"

"We interface with the global system, but the Midlands runs according to its own rules," explained Wuut. "And archivists determine those rules, as well as how they're enforced. We don't do anything as barbaric as imprison offensive people. But if someone threatens our social stability, we act quickly to neutralize that threat."

"That's cool," said Archie, who thought it was more creepy than cool. "What exactly do you need me for?"

"Invite Hank Sorty here for a party," said Wuut. "When he arrives, we'll have a lavish party, during which time he'll become extremely intoxicated. Once he emerges from the resultant stupor, we'll tell him he was elected mayor and show him his new accommodations."

Archie laughed. "That ... might actually work," he said. "I mean, it's like the plot of a bad movie, but I could see it working. Right away, though, the followers of the Founders might become a problem. Farmer Cedret won't let Hank go so easily. And the rest of them might not be so easily fooled."

"Farmer Cedret has already agreed to help us," said Wuut. "He'll transfer custody of Hank Sorty to someone local here."

"Seriously?" asked Archie.

"Hank Sorty mated with Farmer Cedret's daughter and treated her poorly afterwards," said Wuut. "Cedret is consequently eager to get rid of him, but can't do so on his own, or his reputation in the New Founders Temple could be harmed."

"Guess that makes sense," said Archie. "I mean, I'd rather rip my own hair out than spend any time with Hank, but I'll totally help you sideline the guy. And if you do eventually have to assassinate him, oh well."

Back in their temporary room, a well-appointed suite in the center of War's End, Archie could tell that Natlin had something on her mind. "What is it?" he asked.

"It's just ... you were so casual about the possibility of Hank Sorty's death," said Natlin. "Sometimes I forget how much of an Earthling you still are."

"On Earth, the country I'm from has more prisoners than anywhere else on the planet," said Archie. "People are imprisoned for being sick or possessing medicine or having the wrong skin color. Masses of people like that are imprisoned with actual scumbags like Hank Sorty. Maybe millions of people. Remember when we observed Hank abusing other inmates in prison? Inmates who were first abused by the system and then tormented by Hank. I think everybody who maintains that system should die. People like Hank especially. That shit is a crime against humanity and everyone involved deserves death. Is that an Earthling perspective?"

"I don't know," said Natlin. "But it gives me a better idea of your ethics. You're saying it's better to kill a small number of abusers than it is to allow a much greater number of people to be abused at their hands?"

"I guess so," said Archie. "I mean, life is sacred, even the lives of terrible people. But their lives aren't more sacred than the lives of the people they harm. You know, I didn't used to feel so strongly about this, back on Earth. But after living on Mother and seeing what it's like to have a society that's not run by abusers, I've come to believe that all those fuckers should just die. Maybe that makes me a bad person. I don't know. But that's what I've come to believe."

"During the War, all of our world's undesirables were sent here, to the Midlands," said Natlin. "Once here, the ones that couldn't behave peacefully were executed. By the end of the War, twenty million people had been executed here. I wonder if echos of that genocide have seeped into your beliefs since we arrived."

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A Gold Tiara on His Head

Although Archie had spent time in the New Oro Century War Museum, he was unprepared for what he found in the War's End Genocide Museum. During the War, undesirables from all over the world were banished to the Midlands, where they spent decades killing each other before joining the emerging global order. Walking through a whole museum about it was uncomfortable. But not as uncomfortable as his next order of business.

Archie met Hank in a hotel reception room, surrounded by important people. Right away, a young archivist presented Hank with a bottle of liquor. "We made this especially for you," she said. "It's eighty percent alcohol."

"Look at that!" said Hank, uncorking the bottle. "Don't mind if I do."

Archie was greatly relieved by this distraction. Soon enough, Hank was drunk and showing off his biceps. Then there was a period of a few hours when Hank went from person to person, tugging at their clothing while emphatically telling stories that made no sense. Archie managed to avoid Hank the entire time.

The next day, Hank woke to find a gold tiara on his head and a pair of archivists looking at him. They informed him that he'd been crowned Mayor of War's End and explained all of the perks of his new job. This all made sense to Hank. Of course he should be mayor. So Head Archivist Wuut's plan worked perfectly.

Archie and Natlin left the next day, returning to New Oro as quickly as possible. After getting settled, they met Benko and the others at their usual observation alcove.

"We all saw," said Jili. "Mayor Hank. So far he seems to be playing along."

"Give it time," said Archie.

"He just got a new warden," said Kammy. "Warden Graffer. Hank won't be getting away with much with Graffer on the job."

"Tougher than Hilla?" asked Horner.

"Much tougher," said Kammy.

"Is Mouse Island going along with it?" asked Archie.

"So far," said Benko. "I think they celebrate his absence."

"Don't we all," said Archie.

Later, at Arnen's place, they were approached by Arnen. "Archie, you clever otter," he said. "Using your political influence to get our man a mayor's seat."

"It just seemed like a logical next step for Hank," said Archie. "It's possible he's found his calling."

"Senior Priest Danpin is pleased as well," said Arnen. "You're a true champion of our cause."

Archie was stoic in the face of this undeserved praise. "Right on," he said.

"Danpin says you should attend another Temple ceremony soon," said Arnen.

"I feed my spirit in other ways," said Archie. "But thanks for the invitation."

"So," said Arnen, in a tone that suggested he was getting down to business. "What about you? Are we going to make you the Mayor of New Oro?"

"Definitely not," said Archie.

"Why not?" asked Natlin. "It's an important position."

"It's a non-position," said Archie. "There is no mayor."

"Please, think about it," said Arnen.

"Fine," said Archie.

As the shopkeeper drifted away, Jili poked Benko, who made a noise of frustration. "Archie," he said. "Some of us were wondering why you haven't mated with anyone but Natlin since you arrived to our planet."

Feeling Natlin's discomfort with the question, Archie considered his answer carefully. "What's the normal thing for an Earthling to do?" he asked.

"All my observations of Earthling males suggest that having multiple mates would be perfectly normal," said Jili. "That is, unless you and Natlin are trying to reproduce. Are you trying to reproduce?"

"Hank has mated with twenty-three females since arriving to Mother," said Kammy. "At least, that's my count. By now, the number is probably higher."

"Is that supposed to mean something to me?" asked Archie.

"It's only a comparison," said Horner.

"And how many people has Nina Wells mated with since she was brought to Mother?" asked Archie.

"Actually, none," said Jili. "She shows no interest at all in mating. All she does is observe Earthlings in the archives."

"Maybe I'm happy with things as they are," said Archie.

"Okay," said Jili. "But if you wanted to mate with me, you should know that everyone would support it."

Archie doubted that, but now he understood what this conversation was really about. Jili wanted to mate with an Earthling. Benko seemed annoyed by the subject, though not upset by it. Natlin, on the other hand, seemed on the verge of losing her temper. "But you don't even know him," she said. "Not like me."

"Don't be selfish about it," said Jili. "He can be your partner and still mate with other females."

Standing up, Archie looked around the table, shook his head, and walked away. No one followed. Pausing to light a cigarette, he kept walking until he reached a neighborhood of winding, pedestrian-only streets and unusual little shops. Finding a park, Archie roped a couple of loitering youths into a game of hacky sack.

After an hour of play, Archie headed back to Arnen's place and found the Outcast Five still there. "Are we done discussing my sex life?" he asked, returning to his seat.

"We've moved on to gambling on the future of Hank," said Benko. "Some think he'll self-destruct, others think he'll reform. What do you think?"

"On Earth, no question, he'd self-destruct," said Archie. "But here? I'm not so sure. Emotionally, I want him to crash and burn, because I hate him and everything he stands for. Intellectually, I'd like to believe that anyone can reform if provided with the conditions necessary to do so, and Mother has provided him with those conditions. My guess? If he can get through six months here, he might reform."

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Detailed Descriptions of Petty Transgressions

Not knowing whether to sit or stand, Archie sat. "A matter of some urgency?" he suggested to get the ball rolling.

"You've been diligent about responding to complaints," said Security Chief Kavennul. "And now that I have another Earthling male to compare you with, I've come to understand that you yourself are quite civilized."

"Thanks," said Archie.

"The reason I've called you in today is twofold," said Kavennul. "First, we've started a hacky sack league and would invite you to join it. Second, I've written a book about you and I wonder if you'd endorse it."

"Uhh," said Archie. "I'd need to know more about both of those things before committing to anything."

"The league meets in late afternoon every fifth day," said Kavennul. "And the book is about the crime wave that started when you arrived to our planet."

"As far as the hacky sack league," said Archie. "Is it cool if I just show up sometimes, when I feel like it?"

"Do as you please," said Kavennul. "But what about the book?"

"The subject is of great interest to me," said Archie. "Even more now that there's a genuine criminal Earthling on your planet. I'm a slow reader, but I'd be happy to take a look at it."

A few days later, Archie was reading the work on his makeshift laptop at Arnen's place with Natlin and Benko. Natlin made a noise to indicate her boredom. Archie looked up from the screen. "Sorry guys, I just can't put it down," he said. "There are so many detailed descriptions of petty transgressions, all put together to tell a particular story."

"What story?" asked Natlin.

"That the remedy for disorder is a return to tradition," said Archie. "Also that security workers should have a higher status in society because of the increased need for their services following my arrival on Mother."

"An understandable position," said Benko. "But what of Hank's effect on crime?"

"There was an initial spike, mostly fistfights and theft," said Archie. "But then rates returned to only slightly elevated levels. So it's more like a crime trickle than a crime wave."

"Are you going to endorse it?" asked Natlin.

"Planning on it," said Archie. "But I want to get through the whole thing before making a final decision."

"What's the worst crime documented there?" asked Benko.

"So far, the murder of Technician Platt," said Archie. "Another Technician, Elles, punched Platt during an argument that escalated into a fistfight. One wrong punch killed Platt and Elles became a monk."

"Were there other murders?" asked Benko.

"No, but there are a great many accidental deaths attributed to victims copying Earthling behavior," said Archie.

"What's the weirdest one?" asked Natlin.

"A worker at Small Parts Factory #3 was 'going long' in a game of catch when he accidentally walked into a beam of some sort that cut him in two," said Archie. "And a car driver was drunk on alcohol and somehow managed to run himself over. Not sure which is weirder."

"Do you think Kavennul is right about a return to tradition?" asked Benko.

"No, but only because people on Earth who go on about returning to tradition are usually assholes," said Archie.

"I think we should throw tradition away and start bringing more Earthlings here," said Natlin. "Outlings like you, not trouble makers like Hank."

"But what about the energy requirements?" asked Archie.

"Your friend Rander might have a solution for that," said Natlin. "If he can get anyone in the archives to take him seriously."

Archie knew when he was being baited, but he was used to it. "What kind of solution?" he asked.

"A new system for using observation devices to safely capture heat from geothermal sources or even stars," said Natlin. "He says the science has been there for ages, but no one's been willing to experiment since Founder Brockton brought the insides of a volcano into the heart of a major city with the technology."

"And you think it's a good idea?" asked Archie.

"It's a very risky idea," said Benko.

"Risky, but think about unlimited energy," said Natlin. "Imagine a world where the energy cost of everything was trivial! It could change everything!"

"Uhh, from an Earthling's perspective, things are already pretty good," said Archie. "And if Rander's idea is so great, why hasn't he come to me with it already?"

"He's doing an experiment to prove the concept next week and wanted to wait until he had the results," said Natlin.

"Not in the archives?" said Benko.

"In the Common Lands," said Natlin. "I'm going along to supervise."

"And this is how you're telling me?" asked Archie.

"You can come if you want, but I know you have obligations here," said Natlin. "Plus, with me gone, it will give you a chance to mate with someone else. Jili's right that I've been too possessive."

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Funnels Heat from Actual Stars

After receiving an urgent message from Jili, Archie met her in an observation alcove just in time to catch a scene of Natlin mating with Rander in the Common Lands. Processing the information, Archie turned to Jili. "This was your urgent message?"

"It seemed like a development that would interest you," said Jili. "Rander was a natural choice for Natlin since she's attracted to power."

"Are you saying she was attracted to my power?" asked Archie.

"And when you refused to become mayor ...," said Jili.

"Hold on," said Archie. "You're telling me she's banging Rander because I didn't want to be a fake mayor?"

"And because Rander's new energy technology could make him very powerful indeed," said Jili.

"Ahh," said Archie. "In that case, I guess I'm glad we never moved in together. Can we talk about something else? How is the experiment coming along?"

"You're so funny about mating," said Jili. "If you ask me, you and Natlin should have separated a long time ago."

"Yeah?" said Archie.

"The experiment is unfolding as expected," said Jili. "But even if it's a complete success, the archivists will never approve the technology."

"You sure about that?" asked Archie.

"It's more of an intuition than a certainty," said Jili.

"If the archivists don't approve, can't Rander just proceed without them?" asked Archie.

"The archivists control the power grid and all Motherling activities related to Earth," said Natlin. "If Rander were to power an intervention using his technology without our involvement, there would be a Public Disavowal of him and anyone with him."

Archie had never heard of a Public Disavowal. "What does that mean?" he asked.

Anyone that offends the global order can be barred from benefiting from that order. Offenders have all network access credentials revoked. They may be banished to the Common Lands or uninhabited islands. They may also be put to death, though that hasn't been done for over five hundred years.

"Yikes," said Archie. "But now I'm starting to see the shape of this. The tech. Energy is the economy's main currency. What happens when if the tech makes that currency way cheaper?"

"A pressing question," said Benko, who had arrived quietly. "Perhaps labor and non-renewables will become comparatively more valuable. But maybe something else would happen. There could be a major disruption."

"Natlin mated with Rander," said Jili.

"Well, she is attracted to power," said Benko.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," said Archie. "Good for her."

"She was never the best mate for you," said Benko. "Now Jili here would be a much better match."

"You make him say that?" asked Archie, grinning.

"Yes," said Jili. "But it's true. We should try it for a while and see if it's fun."

"I can join in or not, your choice," said Benko.

Instead of unsuccessfully attempting to explain how all of that sounded to him, Archie redirected the conversation back to Rander's invention. "How hard will Rander's tech be to duplicate, if it works as advertised? I mean, will just anyone be able to make their own power plant with modified observation devices?"

"Yes and no," said Benko. "His apparatus is constructed with the highest grade materials to extremely precise standards. His methods can be observed, but the observers would need expert-level knowledge to make sense of what they were seeing. So in practice, only parties with significant resources already at their disposal will be capable of duplicating Rander's tech."

"Could our Faction for Considered Ethics duplicate it?" asked Archie.

"Our expert on the matter is Rander himself," said Benko, perplexed.

"I'll tell you what I'm thinking and you tell me if I'm crazy," said Archie. "What if we support the archives in their disapproval, but use the tech as a new component of our energy fund. Make it so we're the only approved use of his tech. Rander might not go for it, but we don't actually need to ask for his permission, do we?"

"The implications of the technology are too big for your plan," said Benko. "But I do agree that we should meet with Senior Politician Xalia and the others to discuss our stance on the situation."

For the next few days, the three of them observed the complete success of Rander's experiments. He was able to melt steel with heat from a sun millions of miles away, and to transform that same heat into stored electricity using a device that Archie didn't understand at all. As the experiments progressed, Natlin's pairing with Rander became increasingly obvious. Watching this play out, Archie found himself feeling mildly relieved.

The success of Rander's technology was less of a relief. All over the world, everyone in any position of authority was on edge. The world's Head Archivists convened a meeting on Mouse Island to consider the matter. In New Oro, the followers of the Founders were celebrating while the traditionalists looked to the future with more trepidation than usual.

Rander called his invention the Brockton device. Upon returning from the Common Lands, he approached the Chief of Small Parts Factory #6 about manufacturing the device and was told that they couldn't make it due to safety concerns. As soon as she heard about this, Natlin found Archie. "Can't you do something about it?" she asked after explaining the situation.

"Not really," said Archie. "The thing funnels heat from actual stars. That honestly doesn't sound very safe."

"But it works!" said Natlin. "We all saw. It's perfectly safe."

"Right on," said Archie. "I can set up a meeting between Rander and our Faction. Best I can do."

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Approaching Earthling Selection

Although Archie was naturally disinterested in politics and intrigue, he did occasionally have to show up for meetings. These meetings often took the form of sprawling conference calls, which Archie found confusing. On one of these calls, talking with Senior Politician Xalia and Senior Archivist Yurisa and twenty others he'd never met, Archie decided it was time to share a big idea he'd been thinking about. "What about an Earth immigration program, powered by the Brockton device?" he asked the group.

"Our planet really is much better than theirs," said someone Archie didn't know.

"Headed by the Faction?" asked Xalia.

"Yeah, or maybe we just take on a leadership role in a broader coalition of equals," said Archie.

"The archivists have safety concerns that can't be dismissed," said Yurisa.

"The archivists in the Midlands are prepared to approve if strict safety protocols are adopted," said someone else that Archie didn't know.

"And Mouse Island is undecided on the matter," said another voice on the line.

"So can we agree to form the Earth Immigration Coalition?" asked Archie. The question was out of turn and he knew it. But, being an Earthling, he could say pretty much anything at any time and everyone put up with it.

Two hours after the meeting, Archie was at the Moss Couches with Benko and Jili when all three of them got alerts from their handsets. Mayor Hank had died in a car crash that he caused. Warden Graffer was unharmed, but had been chasing the car on foot when it crashed. Archie felt a peculiar sadness upon hearing the news. It was like hearing that his favorite show had been canceled. Everyone had loved observing the antics of Mayor Hank. But no one was surprised by his accidental death.

While Archie was processing this, Nina Wells called. "I observed your meeting today and I want to talk about your coalition," she said. "If we work together, that's all of the Earthlings on the same side."

"True enough," said Archie.

"The Mouse Island archives might be our biggest obstacle," said Nina.

"Okay," said Archie.

"But it was their guy that just died," said Nina. "That puts them in a weakened position. At least temporarily."

"I feel like maybe you want something specific from me," said Archie.

"I've been observing a girl and her mother," said Nina. "I want to bring them over. There are others. But those two first."

"Who are they to you?" asked Archie.

"Nobody, I just observe them," said Nina. "The husband owns a nail salon and forces the wife to work for her and her daughter's food. They're not poor. He does it to be cruel."

"That sucks," said Archie. "People can be terrible."

"Right, so imagine them coming here, to a paradise, where food is free and abundant," said Nina.

"And imagine all the homeless people coming here to find homes, all the refugees coming to find safety," said Archie.

"Just because we can't help everyone doesn't mean we shouldn't help anyone," said Nina. "How would you approach Earthling selection?"

"That depends on how many Earthlings we're talking about," said Archie. "Technically, from what I understand, it might be possible to bring hundreds of millions of over. Now, I don't favor intervention at this level, but I do think we can do better than a few dozen, or even hundreds."

"So thousands to millions, selected how and resettled where?" asked Nina.

"Every city on this planet will be happy to play host," said Archie. "And I have an idea for selection that no one seems to be taking seriously. What if we got people's permission before transporting them to an alien world? With the energy problem solved, there's no reason not to ask them."

"That makes sense," said Nina. "But however we do it, I want my people on the list."

"I'd like to see anyone able to submit candidates for consideration," said Archie. "Like, what if we made a netsite where anyone could submit candidates and also vote on which ones they want?"

"Not bad," said Nina. "By the way, while I have you on the line, I'm curious. Did you ever try to get a message to your friends and family after you got settled here?"

"I thought about it, but that takes a noticeable amount of energy, as I'm sure you're aware," said Archie. "So no messages, but sometimes I look in on them to see how they're doing. Why? Are you thinking about breaking the rules to send a message?"

"Now that the Brockton device is in play, maybe," said Nina. "But the truth is that I somewhat resent how quickly my loved ones moved on after my disappearance."

"Yeah," said Archie. "My family is still convinced that I'll turn up again somewhere."

"Maybe you will," said Nina. "With this new tech, it seems like it could be possible for people like us to travel back and forth. Maybe pop back to Earth for a visit at some point."

This is a thought that hadn't occurred to Archie. "No way," he said. "Why would I ever go back there when I'm perfectly happy here?"

"I'd like to go back to tell off my old boss," said Nina. "Bloody bastard kept sabotaging me, diminishing my contributions at every turn. I'd like to go back and give him a piece of my mind and maybe hide a dead fish in his desk."

"That does sound fun," said Archie, chuckling. "But I'm pretty sure the archivists would have a problem with your plan."

"Right, but doesn't that get your mind working, about the real potential of the tech?" asked Nina.

"Maybe it does," said Archie. "But I'll be honest, that potential scares the hell out of me. I don't even know how to start thinking about its implications."

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The Quality of Your Silence

The Earth Immigration Coalition came together more easily than Archie expected it to. Brockton device safety protocols were agreed upon and a device operator credential was created. An emissary program grew out of Archie's insistence that they seek permission before abducting Earthlings. Archie offered to help train emissaries, but everyone decided he should instead become New Oro's foremost emissary himself. Along with the Outcast Five, he'd soon be revisiting Earth to ask people if they wanted to live in a better world.

The netsite voting scheme employed for immigration candidate selection produced a list of approved Earthlings for the emissaries to approach. What would these emissaries say? Archie didn't know. In his capacity as head emissary, he decided to wing it.

Passing through the aperture, Archie's return to Earth, however temporary, felt like an unfolding catastrophe. Arriving in a Lower Manhattan alleyway, Benko and Archie each sat for a moment to regain their bearings. "Hey that's him," said Archie, pointing up the alley.

A young artist named Anton Windle stood, using a Soho loading dock as a table, scribbling color on a small canvas, utterly absorbed in his work. The emissaries stood behind him for a few minutes, then Archie made a noise. "Anton," he said. "We're here to make you an offer and you're going to think we're crazy."

"What kind of crazy?" asked Anton. "No sex stuff, but borderline sex stuff is okay."

"Borderline sex stuff?" said Benko, whose vision was fixed on a nearby arrangement of filth.

"We're here to invite you to another planet," said Archie. "A better world where someone like you would always have a place to stay and whatever else you needed."

"Are you religious or is it some other kind of cult?" asked Anton.

"The catch is that you could never come back," said Archie. "In about an hour, we'll be stepping through a door to this better world, and we're here to invite you to come along with us."

"A door right over there?" asked Anton. "Are you the guys that bought the Smithson Building?"

"You'll want to bring your best art, if you decide to come along," said Archie. "And anything else you can't live without."

"Wait, are you offering to represent me?" asked Anton. "Wait right there, I'll get the work."

Anton disappeared around a corner. Benko couldn't tell if their mission was succeeding or not. Neither could Archie. "Little different than New Oro, huh?" he said.

"Is that a hypodermic needle next to a dead rodent?" asked Benko.

"It is," said Archie.

"You think Anton will immigrate?" asked Benko.

"Probably," said Archie. "But there's no way he'll understand what's happening. How could he?"

"You don't think we could successfully educate him in the time allotted?" asked Benko.

"What if we made educational materials and provided candidates with immigration coordinates at a later time?" asked Archie.

They waited in silence for Anton to return. With their time nearly up, he reappeared, carrying a stack of canvasses that were all as big as they could be while still being easy to carry. "All right, I'm all set," said Anton. "You want to see here or should we go inside?"

Archie checked the countdown. "If you for real want to move to a new world, follow us," he said. "Walk where we walk."

At the appointed time, the emissaries led Anton Windle through the aperture to the planet Mother. Suddenly appearing in a distinctly alien room gave Anton pause. "What the hell?" he asked. "Is this some kind of immersive art installation?"

"Welcome to the planet Mother!" said Jili, who had been waiting for their return. "Your art is very popular here. On Earth, you were an Outling, but everyone here likes what you do."

"Shit," said Anton. "I overdosed, didn't I? I died and this is the afterlife? You can tell me, it's cool."

"This is as real as it gets," said Archie. "I'm an Earthling, like you. It took me quite a while to accept the reality of this world. But the adjustment period isn't so bad. Maybe start with a meal, or a look at your new room. First things first, though. Here's a handset that works as a translation device, so everyone can understand each other. Only a few of us speak passable English."

Anton set down the paintings to accept the handset. "I could eat," he said.

"We can have the art brought directly to your room if you want food right away," said Archie.

Anton nodded and Horner began placing paintings onto a small wheeled cart. After watching this disappear down an unfamiliar corridor, Anton followed the rest of the emissaries outside, to the shade of a large goof tree ripe with fruit. There, they sat on the ground, opening goof fruits and eating them.

"This is awesome," said Anton. "Like mango but more filling."

"Long season, too," said Archie. "These things are ripe for months."

"I'm not actually dead, am I?" asked Anton. "I'm not dreaming or absorbed in some delusion? This all seems pretty real."

"Yeah," said Archie.

"You are likely to become ill shortly," said Benko. "Have no fear, your body needs to adjust to the new environment."

"An alien planet?" said Anton. "Then I want to see your flowers. Your stars. I want to hear your music and the quality of your silence. And science! You obviously have transporter beams but what else from Star Trek? Warp drive?"

"Technically, our observation devices move matter infinitely more quickly than your fictional warp drive," said Benko. "But we've never used such a device to transport a space ship."

"Cool," said Anton. "Beats being homeless in Soho, fighting for display space on the street."

"One of our city's best galleries would like to display what work you have," said Jili. "Gumlin Gallery. They also have a well-appointed studio for you to use at your convenience."

"That's cool," said Anton, examining the remnants of his goof fruit closely. "So are you the good guys, or the bad guys?"

"Both," said Archie. "I can give you the lay of the land, but you'll have to navigate it on your own terms. The most important thing to remember is that everything can be observed with their technology. Literally everything. So there's no such thing as privacy, here or on Earth. Anyone here can use the technology to observe you, and they will observe you. Just remember that before you say or do anything and you'll be fine."

"So there is a catch," said Anton.

"That's right, more than one," said Archie. "You should emotionally prepare yourself for communal bathroom pits."

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Exit Window Interloper

Anton's successful immigration proved to be anomalous. The next several candidates, when approached, flatly refused to have anything to do with the emissaries. Elsewhere on Mother, other emissaries were encountering similar resistance. It turned out that many Earthlings were unprepared to leave behind everything they'd ever known with little notice. "It's so illogical not to trade in that world for this one," said Nina, complaining about the issue on a call with Archie. "No one on my list wanted to go."

"I think we should pause immigration until we get this sorted out," said Archie. "What if we made a website on Earth that explains all about Mother? Somewhere to send candidates while they decide whether or not to show up for their exit appointment."

"True, our PR needs work," said Nina. "I can make a website happen. Also, I'm establishing a shell company over there to handle program finances."

"Good," said Archie. "Keep me posted. But still, I mean, we've got to figure out a way to really sell it."

"Could we show them advanced technology?" asked Nina.

"Maybe," said Archie. "Like what?"

"Something flashy," said Nina. "There's a type of cooking rod here that's used to boil water with sound waves. Something like that, but flashier."

"Dot currency tokens are an absolute marvel of engineering, but our candidates aren't likely to recognize that if presented with one," said Archie.

"Do the Motherlings have anything that would enable one to hover or float above the ground?" asked Nina.

"I'll ask Rander," said Archie.

After the call, Archie connected with Rander and asked about flashy tech to show to Earthlings. Rander had just the thing. Invisibility cloaks. In a closet in Small Parts Factory #6, there were dozens of these cloaks left over from a passing fad, and the emissaries were welcome to use them. That sounded perfect to Archie.

The Motherling website Nina promised was ready in a month. It had pictures and video from Mother, as well as a comprehensive written history of the planet. The website also posted the locations of future immigration windows, a month in advance, in dozens of places around the world. With the website up, emissaries like Archie and the Outcast Five began approaching candidates with less haste.

One afternoon, Archie and Natlin appeared at a door in suburban Chicago. They rang the bell and their target Sandra Bull answered. "Missionaries?" she asked. "Wait, what the fuck are you people even wearing?"

"The current fashion in New Oro," said Natlin, smiling. "On our home planet, Mother."

"ET missionaries?" said Sandra, leading them into the house. "Alright, we can talk, but I don't have any money for whatever it is."

Sitting on worn furniture, sipping water with little lemon slices to make up for the fact that it was just water, they talked about the other world and the opportunities it held. At first, Sandra was merely being polite, hearing them out. But then Archie showed her the invisibility cloak, and Sandra started to believe about the new world.

The emissaries left Sandra with the address of the website and waited until the end of the month to see if she'd utilize the downtown Chicago exit window. Sandra wasn't the only one they waited for. There were five other candidates who might also show up. When the window opened, Sandra wasn't there. But three others were. Two had, like Sandra, been actively recruited. The third was an interloper, not on the candidate list.

The interloper took out a gun and pointed it at Benko. "Chicago PD," he said. "What just happened? I need answers!"

"Be cool," said Archie. "You aren't supposed to be here. We don't even know your name. Can you put the gun away and tell us your name?"

"Officer Ben Bradley," said Ben, holstering his pistol. "I'm off duty but I see someone stepping through a broken fence between buildings and I want to see where he's going. So I followed and ended up here. Like I'm going batty."

"You saw Jack Tendermint," said Archie, pointing to the other side of the alcove, where Jack was trying out his new handset. "And here's Donna Dean," he said, as a woman appeared suddenly in the room and then sat down, dizzy. "Maybe we should talk outside to let them get their bearings."

Ben followed Archie out into a hall, examining everything he saw and finding it alien. "Where are we?" he asked. "Some kind of space ship?"

"We're on a planet called Mother, millions of light years from Earth," said Archie. "I'm sure we can get you back there without too much trouble."

"Good, I guess," said Ben. "But how'd I end up here in the first place?"

"We run an immigration program," said Archie. "This planet is a paradise, and people here like having Earthlings around. You accidentally stepped through an immigration window meant for other people. Sorry about that."

"A paradise, you say?" asked Ben. "How so?"

"Food is plentiful, everyone has a place to stay, crime is almost nonexistent, and you can do whatever you want," said Archie.

"Crime is almost nonexistent?" asked Ben.

"When Earthlings like me started immigrating, crime did go up slightly," said Archie. "But here, even the roughest neighborhoods are totally safe."

"Yeah," said Ben. "How does that work?"

"The Motherlings have technology that can see anyone, anywhere, at any time," said Archie. "So crime is trivial to detect and there's never any question of what happened or who was involved."

"Huh," said Ben. "Guess you don't need many cops in your paradise."

"Oh there are security forces here," said Archie. "They mostly play competitive sports with each other, though they also respond to complaints and stuff like that. Security Chief Kavennul has become something of a friend to me since I came here. He has a new book on crime in the region that I highly recommend, though it would have to be translated into English for you to read it."

"What if I wanted to take a look around here before you send me home?" asked Ben.

Archie considered the request. "You'd have to surrender your weapon for sure, but we could probably work something out. But like, don't you have stuff to do on Earth?"

"What, can't you send me back to the moment of my departure?" asked Ben.

"Not how that works," said Archie. "Time is time. We can look into the past, but changing it isn't possible."

"Huh," said Ben. "I'll be honest, this whole thing feels like a psychotic break. But on the off chance that it's not, I want to see what you mean by paradise, and I want proof that we're on another planet."

"There's something else," said Archie. "The Motherling observation tech. Earth has been under observation for a thousand years. There's seriously no such thing as a secret with these people."

"Consider me an open book," said Ben.

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A Fire on the Beach

In keeping with Motherling tradition, Archie vacationed whenever he felt like it without notifying anyone. Today, instead of carrying out a scheduled emissary mission, he had taken a train to the shores of the Love River to play hacky sack and eat dewnuts with Benko and Jili. Sitting there on a blanket, the trio saw a fleet of airplanes fly overhead. This was unexpected, but it should not have been. The Brockton device had made energy costs trivial, overcoming an entrenched cultural reluctance to waste energy on powered flight.

The river was warm and luminous green. A pod of finned aquatic mammals frolicked out in the deep water, playing with any swimmer that ventured too close. Playfins, they were called. Archie played with the playfins for an hour, then returned to the beach exhausted.

Drinking coffee from a thermos, Archie reflected on his circumstances. A car soon pulled off the nearby road and parked. The figure that got out and approached looked familiar.

"Kippy?" said Archie. "The information broker?"

"Good, you recognize me," said Kippy. "I was observing you and saw you come here, close to where I was."

"Okay," said Archie.

"I had to drive over and say something," said Kippy. "I think you should include more bis in the Earthlings you bring over."

"You must know it doesn't work like that," said Benko. "The candidate selection process is fully democratized. You can submit your favored candidates based on any criteria you choose."

"But bis candidates are failing to attract sufficient support," said Kippy. "They typically receive fewer than half as many votes as their non-bis counterparts."

"Kippy is right that it looks bad," said Jili. "The program worldwide has brought hundreds of Earthlings over, and only one that I know of is bis. The Ben Bradley. Ben affirmed bis status after arriving and being made aware of the existence of our third gender."

"Seriously?" said Archie. "What do you want me to do about it?"

"You can present an argument for selecting more bis candidates to the entire network," said Kippy. "I suggest you stick to the fact that four percent of Motherlings are bis so four percent of Earthling immigrants should also be bis."

"Okay," said Archie. "But you might be more persuasive than me. What if you make the argument and I send it to the network."

"Acceptable," said Kippy. "I'll present my argument and send you the coordinates."

As Kippy drove away, Archie grinned. "Think about being a Chicago cop who stumbles through a door to this world and decides to stay," he said. "As emissaries, that's what we're selling. That profound enticement."

"Was that a suggestion of some sort?" asked Benko.

"I don't know," said Archie. "But maybe we need to do less selling and more getting out of the way."

"We're out of the way here," said Jili. "Should we play more hacky sack?"

They played more hacky sack and mated and swam until dark. Then they lit a fire on the beach, which attracted a stringed instrument player named Dongo. The music attracted a pair of passing hikers. Kippy returned with a drum and stayed for two hours. As the night wore on and the party grew tired, they fell asleep on the beach, next to the fire.

Archie woke to find the fire unsuitable for making coffee, so he made some in his rinsed-out thermos, using a boiling rod to head the water and adding grounds directly to the insulated bottle at the appropriate time. The result was gritty but passable, though both Benko and Jili complained about the grounds.

They were just beginning to discuss where to go next on their adventure when Archie got a call from Arnen.

"Archie," said Arnen. "We have a problem. A big one."

"Oh?" said Archie.

"An Earthling immigrant named Jack Tendermint is trying to ruin me," said Arnen. "Ruin me!"

"How?" asked Archie. "What exactly did he do?"

"He's teamed up with Nanana to sell coffee drinks along with her bam shakes," said Arnen. "They're mixing coffee and bam together! Bam lattes, they're calling them!"

"I can see how you might find that upsetting," said Archie. "But aren't they free to do whatever they want?"

"Not if it infringes on prior agreements," said Arnen. "You're affiliated with both me and Nanana. It's your responsibility to ensure that neither of us harms the other. These bam lattes harm my business. I'm the coffee seller in Now Oro!"

Archie looked at Benko, who was sitting right there, and made a gesture of confusion.

"Perhaps a visit is in order," said Benko, loud enough for Arnen to hear.

"Yes, a visit, right away," said Arnen. "They didn't even talk to me before offering a competing product!"

"Fine," said Archie. "I'll come back to New Oro. But I think you're making this a bigger deal than it needs to be."

The three of them took a train back to the city and proceeded directly to the Moss Couches. The place was more crowded than usual, and they had to wait twenty minutes for their usual moss couch to become available. "Entertainer Archie, the usual?" asked Nanana when she caught sight of their party. "Or would you like to try one of our new bam lattes? Jack can make you one with only basic ingredients, as you prefer."

"We'll all try one!" said Jili, who was happy to have found herself in such a popular spot.

"Also, I'd like to talk with both you and Jack when you have a minute," said Archie.

The drinks they were served tasted like regular bam shakes to which burned coffee had been added. They weren't bad, but neither were they very good. Eventually, Nanana and Jack joined them. "You're the emissaries," said Jack. "I can't thank you enough for bringing me to this world. This utopia."

"For sure," said Archie. "Glad to see it's working out. But this isn't just a social call. Shopkeeper Arnen is offended that you're now competing with him be offering coffee drinks."

"I knew it," said Nanana. "Well, we're not competing. He has coffee without bam. We have coffee with bam. They're totally different products. He's just upset that his Earth oddities are becoming less valuable now that Earthlings are immigrating."

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To Stimulate Their Society

The followers of the Founders were rabidly pro-immigration. They began hosting large welcome rallies every few months once the Earthling population in New Oro reached the high hundreds. They also found a few buildings on the edge of the Entertainment Ward to convert into Earthling apartments. About half of arriving Earthlings chose to take up residency there.

Archie's emissary responsibilities had dwindled to nothing thanks to the introduction of gender quotas. Thus far, only one woman had chosen to immigrate for every twenty men that made that choice. And bis were still underrepresented. If the immigrant population was to reflect the demographics of New Oro, they needed more females and bis to balance things out. That meant only female or bis emissaries visiting Earth for a time. And since Archie was no observation device operator, there was little for him to do in the archives at the moment.

Today, Archie sat at Arnen's place with Benko and the Earthling Donna Dean. "What's it like having an oddities shop named after you?" she asked to start the conversation.

"About how you'd expect," said Archie. "What about you? Are you settling in okay?"

"Are you kidding?" said Donna. "This place! The people! Free housing and food and medical care. Art everywhere. It's a utopia. I keep expecting to wake up from a dream, but it's all real."

"I know what you mean," said Archie. "Your message said you had some kind of proposal?"

"I want to do a book for Earthlings about Mother," said Donna. "You'd write it and I'd do everything else."

"I'd write it?" asked Archie.

"In English," said Donna. "To be distributed on Earth and given to immigration candidates."

"That sounds like a lot of work," said Archie.

"Yes, well, you're the person best placed to pull it off," said Donna. "Maybe you can even answer some of my lingering questions about this whole thing."

"Lingering questions?" asked Archie.

"The big one is why the Motherlings want us here in the first place," said Donna. "And why are they so nice?"

Benko laughed. "You're very nice yourself, now that you know you can be observed at any time," he said.

"True," said Donna. "But where I'm from, people are nearly always being recorded by cameras and personal electronic devices, and that doesn't make them any nicer."

"You want to know my theory?" asked Archie. "A thousand years of peace and prosperity have sanded down all of their rough edges. They observed us that entire time, and now they're letting some of us live here to stimulate their society."

"How very true," said a voice Archie didn't think he'd ever hear again. It was former Senior Archivist Mork, who had apparently left his monastery, supervised by Warden Hilla, who looked almost happy to be there.

"Donna, this is the rogue archivist Mork," said Archie. "He broke the rules to bring me over here. It was him that set this whole thing in motion."

"Indeed," said Mork. "I rescued Archie from a life of Outling oblivion in the land of United States. And now, there's a formal immigration policy. What was a crime for me has become policy. Benko, I couldn't be more proud of you and the other Outcasts."

"Wait," said Archie. "Why do you have a Warden if you're not in trouble anymore?"

"Oh, I'm still in trouble," said Mork. "I went against other Senior Archivists and diverted energy from infrastructure to power my gambit. Despite all of the good that's come of it, the act itself was unquestionably shameful. And if I ever forget that, Warden Hilla will be here to remind me."

"But Mayor Hank made having a Warden into a less shameful thing," said Archie slowly, thinking aloud.

"It's no less shameful," said Hilla. "But the social tolerance for this shame has increased."

Donna was lost. "Sorry, I'm new and don't really know what that means," she said. "I'm only here to ask Archie about doing a book."

"Apologies for interrupting," said Mork. "I'll give you some time to finish your meeting. Then I hope we can talk."

"Nice meeting you," said Donna as Mork and Hilla left to wander around the oddity shop. "Now, about the book?"

"Yeah," said Archie. "I guess I'm not seeing what a book would accomplish that our website doesn't."

"The website's great," said Donna. "But it's a little ... impersonal. I was thinking of something that people could relate to more easily. Like immigrant success stories."

"Right on," said Archie. "All of our stories are carefully cataloged by the archivists. We could translate the best ones into English, I guess."

"That's too weird," said Donna. "You want to know why women are so much less likely to immigrate? It's because all of it is just too weird."

"Can you say more about that?" asked Benko.

"Me, I was desperate to find a way out of my life back home," said Donna. "You got lucky with my recruitment. But there's no way any of my girlfriends back home would ever agree to come here. They have careers and people they couldn't imagine leaving behind. They worked hard on their credit scores and they're proud of the small parts they play to keep our system going. I mean their system. Now."

"I don't understand," said Benko. "Earth is a dystopia. Are you telling me that they take pride in perpetuating the dystopia?"

"That's exactly what I'm telling you," said Donna. "Women in the US don't look at their history and see a descent into dystopia like you do. They see progress. They still don't have equal rights under the law, but they have far more rights than they did a hundred years ago. And as fancy as your promotional website it, it's not going to convince many women to give up the system they've worked for their whole lives."

Benko was about to argue. Archie spoke up first. "So you think personalized stories will succeed where facts alone cannot?" he asked.

"That's exactly what I think," said Donna. "We all know this world is a better world. But better how, and for what kind of person?"

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A Permanent Immersive Study

When Mork returned, he sat down. "Thanks for concluding your business so quickly," he said. "I need your help."

"Our business wasn't concluded but we can take it up later," said Donna, annoyed.

"Archie, I brought you into this world, now you must help me immigrate to Earth," said Mork. "My extensive observation of Earthling ways should make it easy for me to establish a life there."

"You want to leave here for there?" asked Donna.

"It makes sense," said Benko. "There's nothing for him here on Mother, with his tarnished reputation."

"Quite so," said Mork. "Although I see it less as leaving Mother and more as a permanent immersive study in a culture not unlike our own if you go back a thousand years ago."

"Where on Earth do you want to live?" asked Archie.

"New York, initially," said Mork. "But the question of who I want to be is more pressing. How do I obtain an Earth identity? From what I gather, having a political and economic identity is important."

"Maybe try the Earthling Nina Wells?" said Archie.

"Or find an immigrant that looks like you and take over their old life," said Benko. "I can make you a list."

"Good," said Mork. "Can I count on your political support?"

"For sure," said Archie. "So, uhh, how was it being a monk?"

"It was like stepping out of time," said Mork. "Doing the same things over and over again. Carrying water, mixing dough, rearranging piles of stones. And lots of sweeping garden areas with a ragged straw broom, for some reason."

"See, that actually sounds better than many places on Earth," said Archie.

"Thanks for your concern," said Mork. "My new life won't be without hardship, but what an adventure!"

In the end, Nina Wells was able to secure Mork a downtown apartment and an income through a shell company she'd set up. The street artist Anton Windle supplied the former Senior Archivist with a ready-made identity. Benko saw to all of the details. There was talk of restricting the technology Mork would be allowed to use during his life in exile, but nothing ever came of it.

When Mork finally left for Earth, stepping from an observation alcove directly into his new Ludlow Street apartment, he had with him two observation devices, a Brockton device, and several other bits and pieces of advanced Motherling technology. His transit also doomed Warden Hilla to a life of remote observation, for his departure didn't release her from her Warden responsibilities.

Once Mork had left, Benko was more emotional than Archie had ever seen him. With the exception of Horner, the rest of the Outcast Five was likewise moved by Mork's passage. Together, they observed Mork's first hour in his new world. He put his bags in a closet, went for a walk, bought a small fruit pie, and ate it on a bench in Washington Square Park.

"He'll fit in alright," commented Archie. "Hard to believe he's the guy that started a global revolution."

"Well, him and Rander's Brockton device," said Kammy.

"Do you think the timing of that invention was coincidental?" asked Natlin. "I think Rander's projects for Archie provided unique inspiration. Rander told me that studying Earth engineering helped him see possibilities he otherwise wouldn't have considered."

"It all comes back to Mork," said Benko.

"And you," said Jili. "You've been at the center of this whole thing since it began."

"We all have," said Archie. "But Mork is the only one that got in trouble for it."

"Him and the archivists elsewhere that copied Mork's transgression, before the Brockton device and the immigration program," said Kammy.

"That's true," said Archie. "You think they'll copy Mork now? Try to immigrate to Earth like he's doing?"

"No one in their right mind would immigrate to Earth," said Benko. "Now that he's gone, I fear he's made a terrible mistake. One he'll be too proud ever to admit."

"He's got housing and income," said Archie. "All he has to do is nothing and he'll be fine."

"He won't be fine," said Benko. "More than anyone I've ever met, Mork is driven to understand Earthlings. He won't do nothing. He'll follow his curiosity, which will lead him to the horrible truth about Earthlings."

"What truth is that?" asked Archie.

"That you're not on the same path the Motherlings took," said Benko. "For us, there was the Century War and then lasting peace. But Earthling war on that scale would make the planet uninhabitable in a short time."

"And you think Mork doesn't know that?" asked Archie.

"I've only recently come to this conclusion," said Benko. "Mork will understand soon enough."

"Wait, but isn't all of your mythology based on the idea that Earth would eventually develop into a global society like your own?" asked Archie. "That Earthlings were essentially just less evolved Motherlings?"

"This is biologically true, but you are right," said Benko. "The mythology will have to change."

"I think it's exciting," said Jili. "I'm making a case for larger-scale Earth intervention. It might be time for us to formally introduce ourselves to the people of Earth."

"Do you favor giving them observation device technology?" asked Kammy.

"I favor giving them access to the devices, but not possession of them," said Jili. "Let the Earthlings see what's out there without giving away the keys to coordinate space."

"I favor giving them information on sustainable ecosystem management," said Natlin.

"What if you pretend to be an authoritarian regime?" asked Archie. "Just show up and start bossing Earth's leaders around. Get them to make some positive changes. Tell them they can join the United Federation of Planets if they fix the world."

"That sounds risky," said Horner. "All of it sounds risky."

"The point is to give the Earthlings all of the tools they need to determine their own destiny," said Jili.

"Speaking as an Earthling living safely here on Mother, I say intervene until your heart is content," said Archie.

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Delighted by the Novelty of It All

After presenting the archives with an observation montage titled 'Importing Diversity from Earth,' Benko was officially made a Senior Archivist, along with Natlin and Jili, who each presented similarly compelling projects. The three were unusually young to be receiving the credential, but they were also wildly popular in New Oro and beyond, and they had all demonstrated sufficient mastery of their archivist skills.

After the ceremony, they went to Thirst to celebrate, as was customary. There, unbeknownst to them, Archie had contrived to display a montage of his own making. It showed scene after scene of the three archivists patiently helping him navigate life on the planet that was new to him. The editing was choppy and the capture angles were imperfect, but this only added to the montage's sentimental appeal.

Observing these events from the extra bedroom in his Manhattan apartment, Mork was moved to tears. He couldn't have been more proud, though he regretted not being able to be there in person. When Archie's montage was over and the crowd at Thirst transitioned from spectating to more serious revelry, Mork powered down his observation device and ventured outside.

It was early autumn, just past dark. The streets were unusually quiet. Buying a tightly-rolled berry crepe dusted with powdered sugar from a sidewalk window, Mork ate while he walked. Taking an indirect, meandering route to his destination, he finished the crepe on his way through Chinatown. Crossing Houston, he proceeded to Tompkins Square Park, where he sat on an unused park bench and waited people to walk past. "Excuse me," he said in his strange accent as people passed. "Are you happy with your life on Earth? I can show you a better world."

Most people just kept walking, but someone eventually stopped. "What you got?" asked a thirtysomething woman in a green windbreaker. "Yay? Molly?"

"What I have is better than drugs," said Mork. "I have a whole world, and the means to bring you there."

"Please tell me you don't have a rape van," said the woman, who stopped despite the comment. "I'm just looking for some addys."

"Sorry," said Mork. "I believe that gentleman with the greasy paper bag on the bench at the end of the row sells stimulant methamphetamine. All I have to offer is an actual better world."

"Are you talking about god or are you a crazy person?" asked the woman.

"I'm talking about a technology that can show you anything and send you anywhere," said Mork. "Take a card and look at the website. Call me if you want to know more."

"Huh," said the woman, taking a card. "Thanks, I guess."

After handing out a dozen cards this way, Mork got up and left. Only one person in ten would call, and fewer than half of these would agree to come and see the observation device. So far, zero of these people had wanted to immigrate, but giving them the opportunity made Mork feel good so he kept at it.

Heading to Washington Square Park, Mork passed through the crowds of St Mark's Place and into the empty blocks on the edge of NYU. As he walked, a large white van stopped just in front of him. Two men in crew cuts jumped out. "Anton Windle?" said one of the men. "We're gonna need you to come with us."

Before Mork could respond, a hood was thrown over his head and his hands were fastened behind his back. The men shoved him into the back of their van. One man stayed with Mork in back. "Thanks for your cooperation," said the man as the vehicle began moving. "Keep doing like you're told and this will all work out fine."

"Where are you taking me?" asked Mork. "Why the hood?"

"We're taking you to an office in Koreatown," said the man. "Someone there wants to talk to you. And the hood was in case you tried to spit on us."

The drive was short and they soon reached their destination. Mork was led into an office building and positioned in front of an elevator before his hood was removed. The men who had taken him stood on either side of him until the elevator came. One man gently shoved Mork into the elevator after pushing the button for the eleventh floor.

The men didn't accompany Mork in the elevator. Had he wished to escape, this would have been his moment. But he didn't want to escape. He wasn't even scared. He was delighted by the novelty of it all.

Exiting floor eleven, Mork found himself in a generic reception area, facing a desk occupied by a young woman wearing a headset. "Mr Windle?" said the woman, pointing at a hallway. "Your appointment is in suite three."

"Of course," said Mork, heading to the appointment he didn't know he had. Finding suite three, he opened the door and was confronted with a pair of disarmingly attractive young people, a male and a female, sitting at a table, casually smiling. "How did you like our thugs?" asked the male. "Do you feel intimidated?"

"More perplexed than intimidated, I'd say," said Mork. "Who are you exactly?"

The pair stood briefly to perform a funny little bow before returning to their seats. "We are the Lindrue," said the female. "From the planet by that same name. I'm Pipix and this is Octex. We know you're Mork from the planet Mother. We've never met a Motherling before."

"Lindrue, the species we traded with five hundred years ago?" asked Mork.

"The very same," said Pipix. "With that trade completed, we had no further business with you. Things have changed now."

"Are you saying you want to trade again?" asked Mork. "You should know that I'm living here in exile, with no influence on my home planet."

"What we want is for you to stop causing trouble," said Octex. "We can't prevent your people from observing, but you've been interfering in Earthly matters more and more. This is becoming a problem for us."

"How so?" asked Mork.

"This planet is our playground," said Pipix. "It's where our people vacation and recreate. Our physical attractiveness causes Earthlings to treat us incredibly well. Their systems are easy to manipulate. We have a plan for them, you understand. We're turning Earth into our paradise."

"You must have observation technology," said Mork. "You must know the scale of Mother's Earth immigration program. Why come to me, here?"

"This interaction will surely be observed by Mother's leaders within a short time," said Octex. "And we wanted to impress upon you the fact that we're already here, and were here first."

"Interesting," said Mork. "Please, if you would, tell me more about your activities here."

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A Detailed Set of Planetary Coordinates

The planet Lindrue was not unlike the planet Earth. It had similar landmasses and oceans and atmosphere. Seeded by stardust, life on Lindrue evolved along similar lines as it had on Earth. Eventually, humans evolved. The Lindrue people multiplied and create a complex society. A society that wasn't sustainable.

The Lindrue population peaked at ten billion about seven hundred years ago. Then a series of unfortunate events reduced the viable population to half a billion over the course of two centuries. Environmental disasters, military conflicts, and social unrest were all partly responsible for the population decline. But its primary cause was medical. Declining fertility had left most Lindrue unable to reproduce.

The Lindrue people were on track to disappear completely when a benevolent alien race intervened. Motherlings, they were called, from the planet Mother. These Motherlings gave the Lindrue the technology they needed to end their reproduction crisis. All they asked for in return was a detailed set of planetary coordinates.

With the right coordinates, a Motherling observation device could observe anything anywhere. These devices were also capable of allowing matter to pass between any two points in the universe, though this consumed immense amounts of energy. Had the Motherlings been interested in conquest, they could have subjugated the Lindrue easily. But observation was the limit of their interest, and they didn't maintain contact after trading their tech for Lindrue's observation coordinates.

It took another two hundred years for Lindrue scientists to build a functional observation device from plans the Motherlings had given them. With this, using Motherling coordinates, they observed the planet Mother and also the planet Earth. The scientists shared their findings with their sponsors, who spread the information throughout the upper class. More observation devices were made and put to use. Some of those that observed Earth formed strong opinions about the alien planet.

While the Lindrue were universally afraid of the Motherlings, there was no consensus on the Earthlings. Some viewed them as little more than animals, others saw them as children playing at civilization, and others still considered them less evolved equals. More controversially, there were many among the wealthy families that hoped to escape the wastes of Lindrue by colonizing Earth.

The energy required to allow even a single person to pass through an observation device's aperture was massive. It was more than the planet's largest hydroelectric dam produced in a month. Colonization wasn't feasible with terrestrial power sources, so the wealthy families eventually built a ship that could plug an observation device directly into a star. This ship arrived to Earth in 1898, carrying hundreds of colonists.

Having carefully observed their destination, the colonists set their ship undetected in the California desert. There, they built a town, using the place as a base of operations while they established Earthling identities. A few years later, when they left, they removed all trace of the town, leaving lingering questions in the minds of travelers who recalled a bustling little village that no longer existed.

The Lindrue colonists scattered to the power centers of the world. Their plan was to make the Earthlings their servants. To this end, they infiltrated the sciences and intermarried with elite families. More subtly, they promoted radical behaviorism and other theories that made Earthlings easier to manipulate. On the standard 1-10 Earthling attractiveness scale, most Lindrue were in the 11-14 range. For this reason alone, many Earthlings were eager to serve them. By the dawn of the 21st century, the colonists controlled a vast empire reaching into a wide variety of industries, and they'd largely succeeded in making the people of Earth into their compliant and unwitting subjects.

Both Octex and Pipix had been born on Earth to Lindrue parents who had arranged their pairing. Both were in their thirties but appeared much younger. They, like all Lindrue couples, had territory that they were responsible for. Whenever something had to be done in Lower Manhattan, they were obliged to do it.

Most of their orders were mundane. There was lots of banking and legal stuff. Meeting with important people in various settings. Every so often, they'd be ordered to blackmail someone, or engage in clandestine activities. This was never ethically objectionable, because they viewed the Earthlings as a lesser species.

On rare occasions, Octex and Pipix were ordered to do something that was genuinely important. Recently, a Motherling program had been found operating on Earth. The mere thought of this terrified the colonists, yet they knew they had to act, to find out if their colony was in danger. So they devised a plan to capture a Motherling on Earth and tell him a fiction designed to confuse and intimidate.

Pipix rented a pay-by-the-hour office in Koreatown while Octex arranged to have security contractors kidnap the Motherling and deliver him to their meeting. Mork was the Motherling's name, living in exile on Earth under the alias Anton Windle. The meeting didn't go exactly as planned, but neither was it altogether unproductive. Mork had convinced them that the Motherlings weren't concerned with Lindrue affairs, though they were resettling some Earthlings on the planet Mother.

After the meeting, Octex and Pipix went to a nearby bar to decompress.

"The more replay it in my head, the stupider it sounds," said Octex. "Mork surely saw through our deception."

"It wasn't even a logical deception," said Pipix. "I can't believe they made us say that stuff. Mork probably thinks we're idiots."

"That could work in our favor," said Octex.

"Maybe that was the whole point," said Pipix. "Maybe it makes us uninteresting."

"We shouldn't presume to know the mind of a Motherling," said Octex. "The thought is just as preposterous as the idea of an Earthling knowing a Lindrue mind."

"True," said Pipix. "But don't most Motherlings spend all of their time eating fruit and observing each other?"

"And observing the Earthlings," said Octex. "Observing us. Do you think Mork has an observation device here on Earth?"

"We should find out," said Pipix. "If he does, another meeting might be in order. A meeting without oversight."

"I get you," said Octex. "Make friends with him on our own initiative."

"He could be observing us right now," said Pipix.

"Anyone with a device could be observing us," said Octex. "That doesn't mean we're worth paying attention to."

"What would you observe, if you had a device?" asked Pipix. "I'd observe our leaders here. See if they really have a plan or if they're just drunk on power, improvising while they drown in decadence."

"Are you certain that's a question you want answered?" asked Octex.

The end.

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